Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Somewhere In Gruntonia Lurks a Fatsquatch

Two men discuss existential matters. One of those is men is moi. Moi, sees an innocent man coming down the sidewalk with a wheelbarrow full of sod. Moi asks the man out of the blue, "Hey, Jack, when's it all going to end?

The dude with the barrow says, "I got three trees left, then it's all finished."

Guy conversing with moi, "Really? Because, I've still got to do a few things first before the world ends."

The dude with the barrow stops, sets his wheel barrow down and thinks. After some strain, he gives this reply, "Well, I don't really know about all that. I gotta finish today."

Moi throws this in, "The Mayan calendar ends at the year 2012. So, I figure you got 'till then, buddy."

Barrow boy looks worried, picks up his barrow, then walks down the road to an empty lot to dump his sod out.

Man with moi says with slight reprove, "You know, that was a little mean to do that to that poor guy. He seemed a little slow and you probably freaked him out."

Moi: "Well, I don't see what it matters." Then, jokingly, "It doesn't seem like he has much to live for, anyways. I think it inspired him a little."

Man with moi, with even more of a rebuke, "How can you say such things? That guy is a Child of God." Dude with barrow takes his shirt off, revealing his fleece-upholstered man titties, with two little islands of pink "eyes". Both of our gag reflexes are triggered as Fatsquatch plays through.

Moi: "I take back what I said about him. I think he's got a bright future ahead of him on Animal Planet."

Dude with moi: "That's a fact."

Moi: "Did you see the way he looked at you? He thinks yer purdy."

Dude with Moi: "Shaddup!"

Barrow boy is halfway down the street and gets chased by a bee (our best guess), and we get to see the "ripple" effect.

Dude with Moi says, "That bee doesn't stand a chance. He's got, like, four layers of fur there."

Moi: "Makes you wonder if his mommy knitted that sweater for him."

Dude with Moi: "His poor, poor mother."

Moi: "Yeah. But, at least she takes real good care of him. Look how his coat shines!"

My dear blogmates: Let me know if you have any "Fatsquatch" sightings around where you live.


vera said...

one in every five people is a fatsquatch. look at 4 of your friends, if it isn't one of them, it is most likely you...


Anonymous said...

I've got no sweater under this shirt. Thank goodness. (though at times, I have chest hair envy - to go with my facial hair envy.)

LOL at pink islands called eyes.

Crystal said...

omg. it isn't one of them. i must be the fatsquatch! and i thought all the chest hair was because i ate so many onions. eff.

The Grunt said...

Crystal, I think that I would have been much, much, more turned on if it had been you that took your top off. Onions, eh? I'll have to give that a go.

Crystal said...

really? even if my boobs were covered in hair and my pink islands called eyes were glaring at you above the sod-filled barrow? i don't know about that, grunt. you expect it from a man, but hairy hairy hairy buubs on a woman is quite shocking. quite.

The Grunt said...

Vera~I am changing my lifestyle so I won't have to start wearing a training bra.

Guggs~I don't have a lot of body hair either. I've got loads of lucious head hair, thank goodness.

I want you guys to know that I really don't make fun of fat people, that aren't my brother, but this guy had a combination of fat, hairy, ego, and just plain old duncitude that made it hard to resist. Ego, because once he took that shirt off, he thought he was the man.

vera said...

"Crystal, I think that I would have been much, much, more turned on if it had been you that took your top off."

This would suggest you were a teensy bit turned on... No No! I will no believe the rumours that I have started. I refuse.

RE: Making fun of fat people. I can't say that I'm overly offended by fat jokes. I make enough of them myself. I go by the rule of: If I can't make fun of myself, I have no right to make fun of others, and then where would I be?...



Logophile said...

There should be a law, if seeing you without a shirt is going to make people throw up in their throats you should be required to leave the flesh under cover.
It is really just cruelty in some cases.

The Grunt said...


Gentleman-hobbs said...

Cocky bastard I saw you throw the bag of sweeties away too! I bow to you oh great one!

The Grunt said...

I've also hidden the Jaffa cakes and custard creams, G-Hobbs.