Thursday, April 28, 2011

What kind of post would Jebus write?

I've had one of those days where I was given a "helper" to assist me with moving and setting up some new offices. This guy likes to keep asking you what he should do. I then tell him and then he follows up with, "So, I'm supposed to ____, then do this?" My reply was always, "Yes, just like I told you before, so get to it." He would then repeat everything again and then ask me once more if that is what I wanted him to do. I would then tell him to go and do it. He would go away for a bit and then come back and say, either, "Now, you wanted me to do_______, then that?" or "I forgot what you wanted me to do so I did(the thing that I told him I didn't want him to do)."

I felt like I was dealing with another version of the mystery "How many licks does it take to get to the middle of a Tootsie Pop", only mine was, "How many freakin' times do I have to tell this dipshit what to do and how to do it before he actually does it?" I had a feeling that I wasn't given help; rather, I was given a lummox to tend. This guy is my age and married with three kids. I feel for his wife--this example is only a particle of the unbelievable stupidity he is responsible for. On the plus side, when it doesn't effect me, hearing of his mishaps is hi-larious!

I can't wait to blow this joint and go work with the ladies at the nail salon.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

No post for you

I lied. Here is your post. I will write more when my brain feels like it.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

A figment of the mass imagination

A president or other leader who will save us from ourselves. A pill or program that will keep you from doing what you really want to do anyway. The rich are paying more total taxes than the poor in relation to income earned. That you will someday meet that special someone and never have to worry about love or relationships again. That only belief in something makes it true or right, regardless of facts. That your server is "into" you and not interested in a bigger tip. That you will win the lottery and never have to work at that soul sucking place again (my personal favorite).

I just got tired of thinking. The End!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Omega Bits

It's the official breakfast cereal of the apocalypse. Yum!

I think it was Elanor Roosevelt that said, "It's better to burn out than to fade away." Yum!

What harm is there in wishing that you had the ability to change the color of things at will? It would be a great way to mess with people. Why, I would spend hours at the Wallmart parking lot changing the color of the cars just to amuse myself. You tell me how this could go wrong?

I need a porpoise in life.

Usually, these are the posts that nobody reads, so I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of becoming a Quaker and living on the moon. Someone needs to fulfill insane prophecies and that someone might as well be me.

Friday, April 15, 2011

From Form Morf

Hellellellellelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelello WTF? I'maglitchin'.

Black Guy Please is the politically correct way to say...or, OR, is just how I heard Black Eyed Peas in my head once.

Fungus meat feet.

"Hort!" should be a real word (the exclamation point becomes a letter as well), along with "leotarded".

Sorry, I'm just unable to make any sense tomorrow.


Sunday, April 10, 2011

Sugar plums and the dearly departed...

The past week and a half has been hard for me. My dreams have been filled with my mother and sister, not always in ways that are comforting. The range of positive to heart wrenching dream episodes keeps me wondering what I'm in for each night I go to bed. I know that I am not alone in having these kinds of dreams, either.

On the positive side, I have dreams where I am a kid again and my mother is making me pancakes. This is a sweet, comforting dream. Most of the dreams that I have had of my mother, since she passed away, have been like this. It is hard to wake up from these dreams because it is like finding out that she is gone all over again. One time I was dreaming and she just came into the middle of the dream, saying that "they" were letting her visit me. We both acknowledged that she had died. We held each other and she asked me if I had finished my school work. I replied, "No". She then answered, "Well, you'll do fine. I love you, honey." She then left the dream and I went back to regular scheduled programming. This was a very real thing. I cannot explain it any better than that.

The dreams that I have had about my sister have been emotional and traumatic. There is something strange about how I miss my sister now more than my mother, who, as you know, just passed. She was the one that I really need now in my life. She was my confidant and I don't have her anymore. I want to talk to her about how much I miss mom, which makes me feel just all over alone and lost. Anyway, the dreams I've had of my sister involve cycles of negative images and moments that revolved around the last parts of her life, the heavy shock of her death and the aftershocks of all those moments.

The most recent dream that I had of my sister was just two nights ago. Two men escorted me into her apartment building. I remember feeling afraid. Both of them were holding me by my forearms and took me up the stairs to the fifth floor. I was brought into her apartment, empty now, and left alone. An overwhelming sorrow came over me and the only thing I could do was shout again and again, "YOU'RE DEAD!" That was the dream. I hope there was some purpose in having it, but I don't know. The grieving process isn't cut and dry; it also isn't the same every time.

On a somewhat unrelated note:

I went in to HCI for my cancer checkup on Thursday. My checkup went well and my health was good. Even my weight was about the same, which I thought was great because I swear I gained 80 pounds in the past four months. The hard part was telling my oncologist about my mother--to inform them of family history regarding cancer. She knew my mother and was shocked to hear about it (my mother was with me for most of my treatments). We talked about my mother's final battle with cancer and how it was effecting me. After meeting with a social worker, on my doctor's request, she (my doc) came back and gave me an assignment. The assignment was to find something that brings me joy in life. I thought of calling an escort service and telling them to send Joy over. Ah-har-har. Really, not joking, this thing my doctor did for me was good. I need joy and I need to feel excited about life. They make pills for that sort of thing, I know. But I don't like going to that park anymore. Maybe I need to just go walkabout.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

John Wayne Frankenstein

I was watching The Searchers the other day and a thought came to my mind: John Wayne would have been a great Frankenstein. Think about it, he's got the funny walk and makes lots of strange noises around women and fire (I think)--he's tall, too. Does anybody feel me on this?