Friday, April 07, 2006

Kids Eat the Darndest Things

Hands up, who here ate Milkbones as a kid? I can sure as shinola count myself in that select group. Why stop there, I think that I tried out a little of everything that my pets ate, even the damn fish food for crying out loud. I think that the worst thing that I ate was raw hamburger meat. I loved that stuff. The only bring down was getting a bad case of worms when I was four. I still remember the taste, though.

After those things, I developed a taste for boiled noodles and margarine. I think impacted bowels are a sign of sophistication and status, because most of those hoity-toity types are already full of shit, anyway. If it weren't for a couple of strategic enemas, administered by my poor mother, I'd probably be dead by now. I'm still waiting for a 25-year-old clump of pasta to pass. All of which brings me to this: Toddler Fear Factor. What would they eat?
Hell, a guy at work brought in his two-year-old boy to work the other day, and I must say, he's a cute guy. He even learned my name and kept repeating it. While the grownups were talking, this kid was playing on the floor. To our horror, this kid grabbed this hairy looking spider and stuck it right in his gob. His father rushed right over to his boy and proceeded to do the "doggy negotiator" routine, "Drop it, drop it. That's ca-ca, yuk! I'll give you some chips if you drop it." No luck, the kid had already masticated the former spider. We all felt a little grossed out. He did follow it up by pointing at me and repeating my name. Clever kid.

So, I'd like to hear stories from you about what gross things you've eaten as a kid, and/or have witnessed other kids eating. Don't spare any details.


Crystal said...

hahahahaha great post!

my puppy had heartworms when we first brought him home. me,being a hypochondriac since birth, went to the bathroom and was convinced 100% that i, too, had contracted worms. i laid on my grandma's couch all night and cried. when my mom came to pick me up and i spilled my guts, she suggested i chew my spaghetti a little better next time.

Anonymous said...

I used to eat raw eggs as a kid; not for the protein but because of the taste.

And because I'm so curious, I tried a Milkbone once (two years ago.)

word verification: twasauzc
That raw eggs twasauzc. Yum yum in my tum.

vera said...

i was force-fed a caterpillar by my cousin when i was 6. he is 7 years older than i am.
i ate cat-food on a drunken dare @ age 15.
i've made odd concoctions @ my grandparents restaurant out of coke, teryaki sauce, baking soda, white cake mix, paprika, maple syrup and other assorted ingredients. subsequently, i've tasted said mixtures only to retaste them moments later.
and numerous insects while quadding/4x4ing/mountain biking.
although, with such experience i would find it *very* difficult to coax my throat into remaining open for things that i have seen "ingested" on fear factor©.

Scott said...

I ate actualy grubs when I was a kid at camp. That is about the only strange thing...

although I do have a thing for cow testicles... hahaha.



The Grunt said...

You guys crack me up.

Word Verification: roazd.