Sunday, October 31, 2010

Halloween is over

Halloween has been one of my favorite holidays. Did you know that it was the Irish that were primarily responsible for importing All Hallows Eve? We're all just pagans at heart, I feel, waiting for a chance to bark at the moon or some crazy shit. It's healthy, and, yes, I know that pagan's don't bark at the moon. Ed Gein would put on his best skin suit and dance in the moonlight, banging pots and howling. That's taking things a bit too far. Well, what do you expect when your mother tells you that all women are evil? Remember kiddies: syphilis, gonorrhea, and unwanted children are the wages of sin!

In other news, I have been feeling somewhat better. So many times I let myself get out of control with confronting my failings and imperfections. I do it to the point where I just don't feel right about anything at all. Sometimes it works: I get the kick in the ass that I need to change or do what needs to be done. Other times it doesn't: I really feel like a square peg crammed into a fat man's ass. Bad analogy...anal...ogy. Heh. Anyhooter, I've got to just do something different with my life instead of cursing myself for being fallible and for getting older.

It was my late sister, Bonnie's, birthday today, which made Halloween a bit more of a reverent occasion. Yeah, even on the Saturday that most kids went out, but wasn't the official day--it still reminded me of her. What I did this evening was to take my fat body on a hike up a local canyon and sit on a rock ledge for a dose of meditation. It got me thinking about the afterlife. We've all got our own ideas and beliefs about what goes on in the hereafter, but how can one really know? I think the best one can do is come to a relative conclusion based on faith, or lack thereof. The evidence in the cold, hard world would hit a dead end right after the last breath.

I have considered this at times, despite my beliefs in "cake and ice cream heaven". I guess if that were the case, then love and kindness is all the more important right now. You can't get away from the greatest commandment. Hell can reach you anywhere, while getting you nowhere at all. I've let my loss of my sister affect my state of being. This is natural, but I need to really think about what the rest of my life should be like without her around, rather than let it all unravel. I'm a lot like her in some ways and I get worried that I will self destruct as well, given the right circumstances.

I have to remember something, that I am capable of feeling great love for myself and others. This was evident in my last cancer exam that I went to earlier this month. When my oncologist and her nurse came into the room to see me and give me my report, I felt like I had done good. You could see how much happiness it gives them to have a patient do well. Really, the love that I feel for my doctors and the care that I feel from them has been one of the highest levels of love that I have ever felt. They saved my bacon. That is some serious shit. I have to remember those moments to know that my life can be about positive things and not just be a string of tragedies, depression, and loneliness. I just wish I could have realized all of this when I was young and pretty. It's a bit hard to carry out new plans when you are not a spring chicken anymore. But, hey, you know that I thrive on these kinds of odds, right? I think I shall start by doing some writing and recording again. I haven't done that in a long time. It's a start.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

TIGF!!! 3 Corny jokes

What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend? I just need some space.

A sheriff tells the outlaw, who's waiting at the gallows for a pardon, that he hadn't heard whether or not he would he would be hung. The outlaw replies, "Well, no noose is good news."

This guy goes to see his doctor. He says, "Doctor! Doctor! I think I'm invisible!" The doctor shouts, "What?"

You got any?

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Compatibility issues (Mr. Drama posts again)

I could have written many different posts right now. Hell, I could have written many posts this past while if I hadn't been in an utter fog of lost purpose and emotional sterility. This post had to be the one that came out of my mental uterus before succumbing to my regularly scheduled Netflix coma tonight. I am talking about the lack of real love compatibility with any living organism other than my own self loathing. However, my relationship with myself is bound to end in divorce the way things are going. I am the silent movie version of a drama queen. Nothing said, yet only typed in a clicking whimper. What in the hell am I talking about? How the fuck should I know? I only live here too. I think the worst of it is that I am the problem: a 120V plugged into 220V. The iron has caught on fire and is burning the house down. If I could just get my own personal converter, I think I could stop this and it would be safe for someone else to take residence inside me.

This is the part where I write something to make it all better, and it might be. This just needed letting out tonight. Read with care. I appreciate my friends who have stuck with me through my journey so far.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Mmmm, donut!

This video was taken last week. I happened to be up Big Cottonwood canyon, home of Brighton and Solitude ski resorts and decided to take a shortish hike up to this place, Donut Falls. It was a bit slick climbing up to the actual donut part of the falls and my hiking boots are worn out, especially the tread. So, I had a couple of fun experiences climbing up, finding out that it was time for new boots...and panties! Five points to whomever spots the Ian Dury reference in this post.

Monday, October 11, 2010


Sometimes I like to drive down washboard dirt roads, singing Glenn Yarbrough tunes.

Friday, October 01, 2010

TIGF!!! (That's Incredibly Gay Friday)

Yes, it's been a very long time since I've done one of these. So, Jan Terri, she's one part Dr. Ruth, one part Estelle Costanza, with Whitney Houston aspirations. Yes, it's bad. Yes, it's funny. But damn, iffin it ain't catchy. She inspires me to make music, bad music.