Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Escape to Escalante

The next four days I will be in the slot canyon capitol of the world. I am horribly out of shape and will probably keel over from exhaustion within the first few miles. My back has been giving me trouble, but to hell with it, I am going anyway. After the summer that I've had I need to enjoy myself, even if it ends up killing me. There's nothing like telling people that you are off to venture into Little Death Hollow for a bit of R&R.

A bit of the random for ye:

I have an idea for something that would serve as an energy source and as a fashion statement: the photosytheshirt. When you wear this shirt you will get all your energy needs via sunlight. The downside is that birds and squirrels will nest in you and try to gather your nuts, even if you don't have them. On the plus side, sort of, dogs will really like you and hippies will hug you.

I was digging around my parent's storage unit to see if I could find my high school yearbooks and I found my trusty BB gun from way back when. Upon handling it, I had the sudden urge to visit my old neighborhood and shoot out the windows of all the homes of the people that were dicks. Good sense prevailed and I just went up in the hills and shot beer bottles and grasshoppers.

Dogs know the secret of steel. They don't tell anyone the secret because they can't stop thinking about bacon.

See yous laters!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Nunch Tyne!!!

Have any of you seen that Evander Holyfield Taco Bell commercial yet? It is freakin' hi-larious. It's good to see this partially-functioning, punch-drunk former bruiser making a few more million as the taco ambassador to the world. I can't get enough of this commercial. You can barely understand a word this man is saying, plus you get to see him in "old lady" drag. About his speech, hell, I don't even think it is an offshoot of some bastardized form of Ebonics. It's more like a deaf Buckwheat walking into an alien ship and muttering random shit to the little gray dudes kind of language. I have been riffing a bit on this commercial and here is my version of how it goes:

Counter Girl: Welcome to Taco Bell. May I take your order?

EH: I hadda two hanga pangdoh tacknos peaze!

Counter Girl: Usually, a man your size can only eat one of those.

EH (pointing over to an old lady drag version of himself): Bud I pa-tadda na mama puh nunch!

The End.

I think there should be a sequel to this commercial where Mike Tyson sits down next to Evander in the Taco Bell and just stares at his ear, licking his lips, then takes takes a long sip from his Baja Blast. Evander could just say this line: "Oh no, potado!" Good advertising doesn't have to make any sense so long as it is funny as hell.

Monday, September 21, 2009


I'm all Mountain and no Dew.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Creepy as hell, but I finally found it

I have been looking around SLC cemetery for some years for this legendary gravestone. I was beginning to believe that it was only an urban legend. I wonder what one has to have happen to them in order to warrant this kind of epitaph?
There's a few places in this cemetery that have epic levels of bad juju going on. My grandparents on my mom's side are buried in this cemetery. This is a pretty cool place to take a walk, especially around dusk on a Sunday, no less.

Btw, thanks for your kind support on my previous post. I will be taking a couple of days off this week to drive them and attend their hearing this week in Steamboat, Colorado. Hopefully, there won't need to be any time served, but it is very possible. Wish us luck.

Update: The hearing has been postponed till next week.

Monday, September 07, 2009


While it may not be for some, a couple of weeks without blogging is an eternity for me. Since the end of February I have been going through some real difficult stuff with somebody close to me. In this past month I was pretty sure that things were going to end badly. I've gone through some really bizarre, frightening, and heart wrenching shit in my life, but this current ordeal really stands out as a contender for the title of "shit that sucks" in my life. I am so stressed out from one week to the next that I don't keep track of the days much now. I don't think it will be over for a while, either. But things did change for the better this weekend. It didn't come easy and I really thought that I had failed and had to accept the fact that I would lose this person forever to alcoholism. But, as I mentioned, things are looking up.

Thanks for supporting me through all of my weirdness. I hope to have something wacky to post in the near future.