Thursday, October 30, 2008

Happy Halloweener!

Get ready to view the most terrifying thing ever. Warning: You may never be the same again.I've got to admit, The Lost Horizon was the single most scary movie I'd ever seen and I still have "wet the bed" nightmares about it to this day. Hold me.

So, what y'all doing for Halloweenie? I'm probably just going to kick it, 'cause I'm cool like that.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I had a day

That's what I had, all right. Well, some stuff did happen. I went to the dentist and got some work done on my teeth. The right side of my mouth was all numb and my jaw would sometimes not close all the way. Later on in the day I found out why--when the anesthetic wore off. My cheek inside my mouth was getting in the way of my teeth closing. Fun. Now the right side of my mouth is like hamburger meat.

I forgot to take my anxiety/depression meds today and I was a bit on edge. I guess this means that I am officially old. I need one of those "SMTWTHFS" medication dispensers. Go on. Make fun of me.

I watched this old horror movie that was on DVD. It wasn't anything well known. The transfer was bad, so the picture and especially the sound was poor. I liked the actors, the direction, and locations, but for the life of me, I could not understand anything that was being said. It was like an all "Peanuts" adult cast. Is it sad that I watched the whole thing anyway?

I voted today. Take advantage of the early vote if you can. The lines are way short. I sort of feel bad when it comes to voting whether or not to let some judges keep their jobs because I have no idea who they are. Typically, I vote to let them all keep their jobs, but then I feel like a chump. This is when I go over the names and see which one I figure must be an asshole based solely on the limited information given on the ballot and then vote "no". Yeah, I have that kind of power.

My work phone's wallpaper is a picture of our payroll director. He was the one that did this. He's kind of a dick but I still like him. Sometimes there are people who are total dicks but you find that you like them no matter how big of a dick they are. Yes, I just said that you all like dicks. Some of you are all right with that and some of you are having a hard time right now coming to grips with that fact. Sorry, I am not able to help you further with your problems.

I have had a rather long streak of feeling unsexy. My aura must have a conjoined dead fetus attached to itself or something. Maybe I should just try "whipping it out" and see if I get any bites. What do you all think?

Is it still to late to run off and join the circus? I want to grow a big, twirly mustache and wear some kind of leopard skin strong man suit. Oooh, and lift barbells that have globe-like weights on their ends that say "500 lbs" and stuff. Oh, and I'd also lift those trapezoidal weights with the ring on the end that are like 1,000 pounds, bend iron bars, and get mauled wrestling a bear. I'd have a midget wife and a lobster boy, boy. Heaven isn't too far away.

I bet you never thought I'd be quoting Warrant lyrics on this blog, did you.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Vampira is the one for me

Maila Nurmi, aka. "Vampira" died in January of this year. I swear she had the smallest waist of any non-famine struck female in the entire world. She was the ultimate goth chick. Powerfully seductive and naughty in a way that would make any man, no matter how virtuous, try something kinky. Whatever it was that she had, it was powerful. Give it up for Vampira.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

October Video Party Pick: Bubba Ho-Tep

What movie features an Egyptian mummy that dresses like a cowboy, Elvis still alive and living in a rest home, and a black JFK? Answer: the movie Bubba Ho-Tep. Did I mention that this movie stars Bruce Campbell? In fact, any horror or sci-fi movie with Bruce Campbell would be a sure bet for a Halloween video party. Evil Dead trilogy, anyone?

I won't give any of the movie away. It is funny and definitely B-grade horror. But this movie has heart and great performances throughout. Don Coscarelli, the man behind the legendary horror classic Phantasm series of movies, was the screen writer and director of Bubba Ho-Tep. By the way, if you still haven't listened to me about how awesome Phantasm is, then shame on you. Phantasm is one of my all time favorite horror flicks. It mixes B-horror with sci-fi, action, mystery, home-made gore effects, and goofy humor all in one package, plus, a hot rodded Hemi-Cuda and demonic souped-up hearses. There is also the tall man and his army of demon dwarf slaves. Oh yeah, one of the heroes in the film is an ice cream man. It pretty much has everything. I've even wrote a couple of posts about the movie. You can read my TIGF on the Tall Man here.


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Hot nothing

What do you get when you slap a pig on the ass while singing "Yankee Doodle Dandee" naked?

Thoughts please.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

How come...

...Peanuts in the shell are like ten times better than unshelled peanuts?

...My back hates my guts and call me things like "pussy" (behind itself, of course), so I try to lift heavy things (like a full-size truck bed) and blow it out?

...George Washington didn't have a tiny woodpecker living in his teeth?

...People just can't be happy when they've got it so good?

...I can't have excellent bow staff skillz?

...Killer robot wolverines won't descend upon my enemies and yours?

...God allows stupid people?

...People get mad at me for making fun of the stupid guy at work?

...Banjos are the soundtrack for rural males with a penchant for forcible sodomy?

...Grocery store cakes and confections never seem to use anything other than flour, shortening, sugar, and food coloring?

...New Zealand doesn't have a space program?

...Science hasn't figured out a better way of cleaning up after a dump?

...I seem to attract crazy people?

...The guy making my sandwich last week responded to my question, "Can I have parmesan cheese on my sandwich (meatball sub)," with, "I agree"?

...I have to work tomorrow, or ever?

How come?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

October weekend video party pick: George Romero's "Martin".

Martin is in my top five vampire films. The thing you won't get from the trailer, and what makes the movie truly great, is how Martin starts to form intimate human relationships despite his craving for blood. All of you chicks that are into the "Twilight" novels should give this one a try.

As for me, I've got the flu. It bites filthy monkey ass. I worked a half day today, came home, and had weird half-dream TV time. Earlier in the week I went to a new dentist. It turned out that I graduated from high school with this guy. It took us both a little while to figure it out, but it was cool. I have a confession: It had been 10 years since my last dental checkup. The damage? Four small cavities and two silver fillings that need to be repaired. The dentist was surprised that after having gone through chemotherapy and radiation that my teeth were in such good shape. I didn't mention the other stuff because I was embarrassed. I have had a phobia of people putting instruments in my mouth ever since I fell out of a tree when I was a kid and messed up my jaw. I've always done a real good job of taking care of my teeth, brushing and flossing. But as far as going to the dentist, when it was left up to me, after I turned 18, to take care of those things myself, I stopped going in for checkups. My recent battle with cancer, anxiety, and depression ended up in victory, so far. I have decided that I need to start taking better care of myself all around.

The people who are my friends and loved ones have been very patient with me and my little glitches. I'm getting better and better now, each day, all around. Sometimes a life takes awhile to get straightened out. It's hard to know how broken you are when you've needed to be repaired almost out of the gate. I have an understanding of what kind of anomaly I am. At least now I can see how that makes me beautiful. I thought I'd throw in a bit of TIGF in there while I was at it. But seriously, it feels good. It just takes people some time to understand what I've been through and where I am going. I'm learning to be patient with that and myself.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Silliness is next to godliness

If I were in charge of things ferrets would be called "wiener cats".

Don't climb trees to feel young again. Just don't. You need proof? Did I tell you that I fell out of a tree on Monday? Of course I didn't. That's why I'm telling you now. Anyway, it's true. I have bruised ribs and a sprained left wrist. I climbed up to saw a big branch that was dangling, half broken, and was a safety hazard to pedestrians. As I was climbing down, my foot slipped on a knot that was my rock solid foot hold. The best part about it was I hit a branch on the way down. Whee? Yes, whee. That was the part where I put my arms up in the air and had fun.

I got a new work phone. It is a real cool Moto heavy duty work type Razor. Supposedly you can run over it with a car and it will not break. The cool part is that you can leave voice notes to yourself or send them out. I recorded this long-ass burp after drinking a Dr. Pepper. I then set it up as my ringtone. The problem came, when for some reason I couldn't change the ringtone. I would be around people and then my phone would start belching. I figured out later on how to fix it. Lotsa fun. Now my work ringtone is me doing a "ring-ring" in my best operatic falsetto. People everywhere are now starting to distance themselves from me. It's the latest fashion trend.

I'm sick and tired of people who've never had cancer compare my cancer to someone else's that they know. It's some real twisted game of "My (insert name or relation)'s cancer could beat up your cancer" bullshit. I don't want to even fucking know because I am tired of anything cancer related, to be honest. The fact is that there are plenty of people who have had worse cancer than me, because they are dead. Somehow this does not make me feel like a loser. The real losers are the ones that, for whatever reason, play stupid games with the stories and lives of their loved ones just in order to make them, not the diseased one, feel special. It's like they somehow get credit for knowing the afflicted. Congrats. Now here's your freakin' rubber Cheerio.

That wasn't silly, but I needed to say it.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Weekend Warriors

This last Saturday my friend and I went out to the west desert in the Oquirrh mountains to shoot the hell out of some clay pigeons and abandoned water heaters with my shotgun. We also did a fair amount of 4-wheelin' in Clyde. The mountains and even the valleys had a fresh blanket of snow to frolic and play in, and frolic and play we did! Gay. Not really, though, we decided that we needed some adventure and adventure we got. (Water tower to supply boilers for trams and elevators, my best guess)
I drove my truck as far as I dared up the narrow wagon trail to get to J@cob's City (read my first post about my first trip there here). It was when things started getting a bit slippy and not enough roadie that I decided that things were getting a bit ridiculous. Oh, and hitting a jagged outcropping of rock with my passenger's side door so I didn't slide off into oblivion had something to do with it too. Poor Clyde. So, I parked my truck where it seemed safe and my friend and I hiked the rest of the way up the canyon.
(One of the last standing ore hoppers in the area that loaded the mule wagons heading down the canyon)
This area has just a few structures still intact. A lot of the buildings, including a motel, collapsed under the weight of snow, due to a lack of maintenance.
(The site of the old tram building, I believe. The boiler room is in the background, in the hill.)
We were lucky to be able to see all of this before the rest of the storm dropped about another 18 inches of snow.
Anyway, this trip was awesome. It's hard to tell how high up in the mountains we actually were because of the clouds. We had a long trip back before we could breathe easier. I would like to thank the current owners of the city for letting my friend and I trespass on their property. Oh, and next time, would it kill you to take the iron gates off all the mines there so we can check them out?

In other weekend news, I got to meet another blogger, Pants. We have a mutual friend in Megatropolis. It was cool to meet yet another blogger in the universe. It was good, also, in that Pants has been a good blogger aquaintence of mine for almost three years--now I finally got to put a 3-D on the words of Miss Pants, a very cool girl. I was so awesome. I think I spoke like three sentences the whole time. My social anxiety disorder rules! The thing I have found out, and please take no offense, is that you really haven't met anybody or know who they are through the internets alone. My wish is that I could meet all of you. Except you. You know who you are.


Thursday, October 09, 2008

October Video Pick Friday!!! Pumpkinhead

It was a long time ago when I first saw this movie. It stars Lance Henriksen (of Aliens & Millennium fame). Lance plays a father whose boy is run over by a dirt bike and killed by some teens messing around at a general store. Long story short, the dad gets real pissed and seeks the help of a witch, who summons the evil monster known as "Pumpkinhead" to seek out and kill the teens.

This movie has the right amounts of stupid, scary, gore, and supernatural spookiness. It also is a bit of a morality tale about vengeance and has enough of a backwoods folk tale to keep it from being another throwaway monster flick.

I haven't seen the many sequels to this movie, so I can't vouch for them. But Pumpkinhead is a sure bet for a October weekend video party.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Yeeee-Haaaaw!!! 1-2-3-4! Yeeee-Haaaaw!!! 1-2-3-4!

The title is just a little shout out to my homiette, Christielli. I just made up a word right there and that makes me smart.

Where to start? How 'bout showing off one of my guitar projects!
This is my new version of my old black Fender Stratocaster. I got a good deal on a 2008 three-tone sunburst American Standard Strat body from a guitar that was being parted out. This was how I envisioned my ideal Strat style guitar and now I have it. The original black body will either be sold or kept for another project. I won't sell until I determine that the new body sounds as good or better than the old one. I am going from a hard, northern ash body to an Alder body. Ash has a big bottom and glassy highs, but scooped mids, is hard and heavy with a well defined grain. Alder is well balanced across the sound spectrum, is lighter than ash, tight grained and hard as a rock. Alder seems to be a better tone wood for covering many genres. I hope you aren't questioning my orientation based on my obsession with wood.

I bumped into a girl who I used to work with back in the mid nineties. I was at a convenience store getting a refill and thought that I had seen the attendant somewhere else before. It took me awhile to sift past the defeated hausfrau exterior but it was La Choi! That was the nickname that I gave her, her real name being Jacquoi. I guess she is working at the Maverick during the time while her kids are at school. It was a real trip. I can remember the the times that she used to come up to me and say, "Smell ME!" She was obsessed that she smelled like the kitchen area all of the time. I'll also never forget the time that one of the crew guys said to her, "I like your hair. It covers up your lobotomy scars real well." Her reply was, "What's wrong with my hair?" I used to always get in arguments with her, but for some reason people would always try to get us to go out with each other. That never happened. Anyways, her hair still covers up those lobotomy scars real well.

Under and in!

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Lalalalalalalalala! And Random Thoughts.

Do you ever have one of those moments where you just don't want to hear something? You know, you do the whole stick your fingers in your ears routine while humming? Yeah, I totally had one of those moments on Saturday.

On a totally unrelated note, that is totally not unrelated, my niece will always seem like a little girl to me, that little girl that I helped baby sit and enjoy watch turn into a sweet girl, despite her surroundings. When they go and do something that can potentially mess up their whole life it is just too much to take in sometimes. Please forgive me for not saying exactly what it is that has happened. I'm still in her corner.

Speaking of corners, have you ever talked, or not talked but found yourself in a corner without having one wit of there being a problem? Yeah, that rocks. I get upset at the situation, and not necessarily at the person who has me on my heels, but that only makes things more confusing for the both of us. This is what happens when I talk to people when I am drowsy...yeah, that's the ticket. The best part is when you recognize that it was all a misunderstanding and then you laugh uncomfortably hoping that it really is over. Or is it? Mwahahahahahaha!

I've done some reflecting on the recent past today. I have determined that I need to learn how to play chess for my own enjoyment. However, in the metaphorical sense of the game, I have played well so far and am now enjoying a, hopefully, long respite until the match resumes. My opponent has seen that I am not easily checked. Ultimately, my opponent will have checkmate, but I will give him a match that will test his skills mightily. Knowledge is never easily gained and sometimes faith must be a chosen path, rather than waiting to have it revealed. Sometimes the best revelations are had in trial and error, not in success.

"It is finished!" -from Ingmar Bergman's The Seventh Seal.

Don't count on it!

Thursday, October 02, 2008

TIGF!!! Kind of: click the link for the gay chicken and ice cream song

Clickity Click Me!!!

Those two tracks were from The Last House On The Left soundtrack, Wes Craven's first horror film--very gay and very funny songs throughout. It is a cult horror classic and very disturbing, even still. The best parts of the movie were the highly inappropriate comedic scenes/music that would intersect all of the disturbing material. That is my horror video party pick for this October weekend. Don't watch it unless you are hardcore. There are parts of the movie that feel like you are watching a snuff film.

I will be doing horror movie picks on Fridays instead of TIGF this month. Let me know if you've seen any of these or if you do see them and what you thought.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

I'm feeling a bit gypsy lately and I'm feeling this song

Ronnie Lane and Slim Chance. Ronnie Lane was the main man in the Brit rock groups The Small Faces (Featuring Steve Marriott) and their later incarnation, The Faces (Featuring Rod Stewart and Ron Wood). Ronnie quit what he started because he saw his band mates turning into a bunch of materialistic yobs, and Rod Stewart becoming a glory hound. He forsake all of this and bought a farm, living a rustic life. There was one point that he lived in a gypsy caravan that he had parked on the property of his good friend Pete Townsend. He used to take his band Slim Chance on the road with what he callled the "Passing Show", a circus with tents and all. His band would play with fire breathers and jugglers on stage. He had no crew to set these things up. He and his band would set everything up wherever they would go. They were a real band of gypsies.

I admire his spirit, songcraft, and his lust for life. He died from an almost three decade battle with MS in 1997. Enjoy the song, "The Poacher".