I once had several blogs when I had a huge creative streak going on. I don't know where those ambitions went. I also had plans to finish story ideas that I had. Working a dead end job and destroying my body for no bloody good reason, it is apparent to me that I did not love myself enough to fight for my dreams--we all now know how well I have been rewarded for being the monkey. I don't know where I let it all go, but the wearing down came. It's funny how people that I spend the most time with can know so little about who I wanted to be. I'm not talking about family, because we all know that we end up spending more time with people at work than with loved ones. Who cares? Some do and then some don't care, I suppose. I shouldn't live my life based on this, but I need approval too, sometimes.
Life is a funny thing. I tried presenting a friend of mine that I work with a creative opportunity--a chance to work on something together just for fun. It all started when he texted me with these funny sayings that were born of his own personal frustrations. Well, me being me, I thought I'd surprise him with a blog based on these texts. The idea was to get him to participate because I thought he would be great. This blog had two posts where I shared his "philosophies" as a misguided pupil, who had a bit of a skewed way about him. This character was based on people that we knew. I thought it would be a good inside joke.
So, I told him about it and he read it. It pretty much got thrown back in my face. I don't know if it was that he saw something about him, via my written perspective, that offended him or didn't like. In some ways, I think it threatened him because he wasn't aware of my writing abilities (in this case "disabilities").
The sense I got was that he felt he no longer had control and now he doesn't talk to me except for anything work related. I don't have time for people that want to pull this kind of shit. I wouldn't have mentioned this if it were an isolated incident with this "friend", but I've tried to do several collaborations with him with music (he's a classically trained violin and guitar player) but I still could not work with him due to his being a control freak.
So, in short, I took an opportunity to share a bit of that "me" with one of those people that did not know my other side. I'm finding out that I have made friends and spend time with people who really don't want to know me. There are those kind of people that feel they know you and that is where it ends, anything else either doesn't interest them or makes them uncomfortable. If you take time to share with them you may find yourself thankful for just a blank stare. Thank God I have still some people in my life that are interested in who I am and finding out more about the person that is me.
3 years ago