Saturday, September 29, 2007

Get your "Scary Ass Clown" Apparel now!!!

Okay, I finally came up with some dark shirts and one other thing with this on the front. I couldn't get the image any bigger on the shirts (check it out on the sidebar). That's what I had to work with. I'm thinking of other shirts that won't get my ass sued, which for TIGF!!! might be a toughie.
As for me, well, I am climbing out of a pretty dark pit. I've felt really alone and weak physically. None of this crap that has been going on with my health and other circumstances has been easy on me, for sure. It seems that one way or another your body and mind can't take it forever and you crash.
I drop by your blogs and just don't feel like I have anything to say lately. I am beginning to feel that will change. I just have to ride this thing out. I know that I am clinging to a small readership here. I love you all, really. I know this sounded rather melodramatic. It's just what I'm feeling right now.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

TIGF!!! (That's Incredibly Gay Friday): The Man from Nantucket

You know this guy. He'll blow himself. He'd darn near do his own ear. What's to say that he hasn't already done every orifice available on his body? I mean, "If my ear was a c**t I'd f**k it". That would never stop a man from Nantucket. I'll bet no gourd, squash, watermelon, or lotion filled baggy is safe around this dude. Hide your pets, too. There's nothing, or no one that this man wouldn't do.

As for me, I've had better days. It's been rough lately.

Hold off for now...unless you just want to

Even though I got the store up I haven't really got the prices set where I wanted. The prices should come down a bit. The initial design was just something I banged out to see if it would work. I am holding off on using my avatar for obvious reasons--I just modified a preexisting piece of artwork. So, to profit from it might be a big no-no. I will come up with my own "Gruntman" soon enough and more robust phrases to go along. This first design was the happy "hello" one just to let people know that I actually did what I said I would do after all this time of talking about it. So, just buy whatever you want. More designs will come and there might be that Hobo Frankenstein shirt you always wanted in my store.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I went and set up a Grunt store

I'm new at this stuff, but I thought I'd give it a go. The store can be linked from my sidebar. The stuff is stoopid and pricey, I think. Not all of the products seem to have made it to my store front. I will come up with more designs in the future. I won't use my avatar because I did not draw him. I just modified the image for my own use. I will definitely do a TIGF!!! line. You know, what the hell, right?

Monday, September 24, 2007

Nothing in particular

So, I've been working on the T-Shirt dealy and hopefully within a month I will have a few items to sell, including some hot women's underwear (not kidding). I tried to use my little red dude for part of a design and noticed that the top of his head is flat. Oh well. You all are just going to have to live with that.

I had a thought about the Anti-Pasta the other day. The Anti-Pasta is the Anti-Christ of the religious movement Pastifarianism, which are followers of the Flying Spahgetti Monster. I was just wondering how much cheese, artichoke, and salami one must eat in order to turn to the dark side, 'cause I'm totally on my way.

I just thought I'd try something bold today.

How many times have you asked yourself, "Is that my arm I'm laying on", and you are the only one in bed.

Clyde turns thirty in November. I can tell he is having an age crisis because he seems to be falling apart all over the place. Even though I am currently in for repairs I've managed to keep Clyde running through all of this crap. I can't remember being this way when I turned thirty. Clyde is being such a whiny douche. I don't think a pair of fuzzy dice is going to fix this.

Satan isn't red. He told me so. Purple is more his style.

Jesus was a big fan of Donkey racing. Back before his ministry he had a kick ass ass that was all tricked out and shit, doing wheelies 'n' stuff. That was the real reason he had to leave home--his ass was just too big for such a small town. Really, small town folk just don't understand a boy's big dreams. Fortunately, Jesus' ass was stolen by some Roman pricks and that is when he turned to religion. You all thought he was boring too. Shame.

I just may find myself in hell for that last bit.


Sunday, September 23, 2007

Just a thought

Utopia is bunk. We will never be equal unless culture is erased and that would suck ass. Suffering and loss are part of the human experience. As long as we need certain things to survive we will also want more. How are you going to erase that intrinsic selfishness out of a new born baby? It seems the rational thing to do is just manage the inequality the best we can and help enough but not to the point where you're ruined. If the meek shall inherit the earth who is going to give it to them? Thought so. What a great way to control people.

BTW, I'm still waiting for Outerspace Santa to give me my minibike.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

TIGF!!! (That's Incredibly Gay Friday): Going Polish

Admit it, you know what I'm talking about. You are on the run and haven't eaten anything. You've only got enough time to hit the gas station for a meal, or it's a late night run and your stomach has gone all diva on you. A normal hot dog just won't cut it. Neither will a foot long-- because we all know it isn't how big it is--it's how much you can do with what you've got. That's when you go Polish, my friend.

(BTW, I was a bit reluctant to do an image search for this one. I wanted to be able to sleep for the rest of my life.)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Blog Post: Lost In Translation

There are some ideas that I have for blog posts that I just can't do. If I was vain enough to do vlogs on You Tube, then it might be different. Such is the case with this idea: Paul Stanley's "Do It" Yo-self Home Center.

Now if you were like me growing up you rolled your doobies and ate mac and cheese off of your "KISS ALIVE!!!" LP. I was only a wee bairn when it came out but later on in life I revisited my mad lust for the freaky monster guys in makeup. I really did love them when I was barely able to walk. I just didn't really know much more than that they looked awesome as hell--probably when they were doing god awful disco albums, no less. It took me until my teen years to go back and revisit my fascination for them, only then could I listen to them rock out.

Now we will get on with the post at hand. See, on "KISS ALIVE!!!" you get treated to Paul Stanley's concert banter and various hoots and hollers. Here are some memorable moments:
"Whoooooooweeeee, Firehouse!"~Paul Stanley (Star Man).

"Come on, lets see your hands. Whooooo!"~Paul Stanley.

"BABY!!!"~Paul Stanley.

"RAWRRRR!!!" *spits blood-breathes fire*~Gene Simmons (Fire Demon).
"Meow!"~Peter Criss (Space Cat).

Ace Frehley (Alien) never really said much other than what he said to himself, which usually went along the lines of, "Oh boy, am I shit faced! Oh god, here comes another fucking solo (mouths twangy double bend) Bweeeeeeer-neeeeeer-neeeeeeer....deeedle-deeedle-deeeeeeeee!"

Okay, I've gone off the rails again. My point is that I am too familiar with KISS and my inside humorous musings on them get lost on most people, let alone where I am limited to typing about it.

So, here is my little skit that features a famous line from the live version of "Deuce" from the "ALIVE!!!" album where Mr. Stanley exclaims "DO IT!!!" It's my favorite moment from a live album ever because he sounds so damn earnest, like "DO IT" or else.

The Skit (Either takes place as a TV ad or radio spot):

"Hi, I'm Paul Stanley and I've got the solution to all your home improvement problems, baby! You just got to whoooooooo-wheeeee, DO IT yo-self!!! Say you got a leaky faucet and that shit is going all over the place. Just come down to Paul Stanley's "DO IT" Yo-Self Home Improvement Center and "DO IT!!!"

Yeah, I kind of go on and on with decks and sprinkler systems after that. I'll spare you. The thing is that you'd have to know what he sounds like in order to get this and even still you'd probably think I'm 'tarded.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Abbey Normal

Do you ever find yourself in the freak portion of polls and percentages? I do and quite often. Am I some kind of malfunctioning unit or just plain old different? I guess either way Big Bird still loves me and Elmo still owes me money, that bastard.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

TIGF!!! (That's Incredibly Gay Friday): That thing you do to yourself in the shower every morning

Yeah, that's totally gay.

Just refresh my memory what that thing is in the comments section.


Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Here come ol' flat top. He come grooving up slowly....

I think I came up with a great idea. It involves a helmet, a box, and a feral cat. Nope, I already tried that when I was fourteen and that cat scratched the hell out of my friend afterward.

Bad idea.

I think I might have blogged this one before, but what the hell. So, you are out in the woods and doing some tree hugging with a bunch of tree huggers, because that is what they all do (right). You find, after hugging a bunch of live trees, that it is just not cutting it. You need something else. That is when a fallen sitka spruce calls to you, asphyxiated and lifeless. The experience is pure pleasure; a joy beyond measure: you, sir/mam have loved a dead tree. Does this make you sick?

I want answers, but I'm not getting any.

This is a phrase that I tend to use when I'm really, really disappointed: It feels (felt) like losing (I lost) it to a peg-legged whore. I think it will totally catch on.

I was talking to a friend today and actually tested out a post idea on said person and now I can't friggin' remember what it was.

Clowns became officially scary after prohibition. I can't explain it too well, but I think it had something to do with people being sober for a change (yeah, that happened). Once you wake up to the fact that clowns are amazingly horrifying it doesn't matter how much you drink after. Those bastards will come after you with their pointy hats and polka dotted outfits.

Jesus wants me for a sunbeam.

Satan just wants me to be pancake eating champion of the world. I hear that fast women love pancake eating champions.

I saw a sign labeled "Discount Realty" and misread as "Discount Reality". It made more sense the first time I read it.

I still can't remember that thing I wanted to post about and it is bugging the hell outta me.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Hey there. What's up?

I've not been visiting much. I don't know if I will get around tonight. Probably tomorrow.

What I've been doing lately is absorbing myself into my hobbies. I had completely torn apart a guitar amplifier that I'd made. You can read about that amp and other stuff

I did some modifications and improvements with some military spec parts. I had problems getting it working again, but I'm smart and figured out that I had a power tube lug shorting out to a heater wire. It was so compact and hard to see that I couldn't find the problem until I resorted to turning everything on and attacking the guts with a chopstick to see what happened (very smart).

I accidentally got bitten by the mains supply while doing this. Fortunately, it wasn't the power transformer's secondaries that my thumb hit--that would have been 680 VAC rather than the house current of 120 VAC that I got hit with.

The other amp I worked on was the 1957 Gibson Skylark of mine. I just installed a negative feedback bypass to have the option of even order harmonics with my signal. Translation: I can either have it normal and deeper sounding or richer and chimey. I know you all feel me on this.

Getting lost in these things has helped me de-stress from all the family's and my health issues. I know it has kept me away from all of you, but I needed to do it.

I went back a year in my archives and noticed how often and how righteously I used to bring it with my posts. Hopefully, I will be able to do a bit more of that soon. It has been hard to tap into that part of me when I'm busy being a chemo zombie.

From a favorite Townes Van Zandt tune of mine:

"If I had no place to fall,
And I needed to,
Could I count on you
To lay me down?"

I can't figure out if he needed rest or needed to get laid, but the way he sings it is beautifully sad in his longing, gentle phrase.

Alright, I gotta get up early to get a bunch of nasty chemicals pumped into me. Laters!

Sunday, September 09, 2007


I may be ignorant but I have never heard of a grape pie in my life. It's a damn tasty fruit. Why is it not a hit all over the world, grape pie?

My favorite new nickname that I've made up: Professor Dain McBramage. Don't worry. I don't call you that.

So, I was talking to a person the other day and all I could think of was how one day RC Cola was going to win a no-bid military contract in Iraq and end up winning the cola wars once and for all. The kicker is that being a no-bid military contract is that RC Cola will not have to produce any cola, nor actually do anything, taking a whopping 30 million of tax payer money to Coca~Cola's Atlanta headquarters and proceeding to wipe their asses with it. God bless America and George "Rape and Pillage Us" Bush. I love a come from behind story, especially when it involves me getting ass raped by our elected officials' disregard for their people and love for greedy corporations. RC Cola is alright, though. I just had one and incorporated it into the story for humor value. There is nothing funny about what has been going on and still happening with these private contractors in Iraq. I see that you (all of us) almost did something about it but then something shiny distracted you into a numbing state of techno bliss.

To make a joke after this would be pointless, because that was the biggest joke I could think of.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

TIGF!!! (That's Incredibly Gay Friday): Things overheard out of context between two men

So, I was at work today and I said something to a dude that both he and I understood totally, yet the lady who came around the corner did not. We are talking about context here, people. What was it that I said? This: "I'll wash my hands while you work the goat, deal?"

Now I'm not going to explain anything here. It was all normal "in the know" kind of jargon between this guy and I. You will have to be just as mystified and turned on as this lady was. Maybe horrified is a better way of describing how the lady appeared.

Give me some of your best real life out of context gay remarks that embarrassed you.

Update: My mother was released from the hospital and has been declared cancer free. w00t! Now we just gotta get me there.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Don't know what to say...

...But I'll try anyway.

I came back to work today from a long weekend to find that two people that I know from work had died. The lady had been struggling with a real bad case of cancer for some time and finally succumbed to it. That was sad news but not shocking.

The other death was shocking. A guy that I was a friendly associate of, talking car restoration and stuff like that, committed suicide just last night. All we know is that he had spent some time in the hospital, was released, then he blew his brains out. He didn't have any real friends it seems, only his parents, but I wonder if he was even that close to them. He did talk about his dogs like they were his entire world, though. I hope they are in good hands now. I hope he is in good hands now, for that matter.

Most people described him as a loner. It was really hard to get to know him past being an acquaintance. His abilities to start or maintain friendships seemed to be a real challenge for him. I don't feel guilty for not getting to know him better. I don't feel it necessary to take on friends that I don't really want to be around and there was something about this man that I just did not feel right about--to get closer to him. Still, I will miss him and wonder why he found life not worth living. He will not have a funeral. His body is being donated to medical science. That is just sad.

Update on my mother:

She is still in the hospital recovering. The mastectomy was successful. Two types of cancer were found in the breast. The doctors feel that they got it all. Let's pray that they did.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Nothing really

I've had people get all worried that I haven't posted. I just haven't had much to say. Things are pretty stressful right now with my mother's mastectomy tomorrow (today when this will probably be read).

When I was at the ER today getting a Nuepogen injection the nurse taking my vitals remarked that my blood pressure was way too low. I guess I can't refuse an opportunity to joke around because I replied, "I need one pound of bacon, STAT!"

It did suck that I wasn't feeling so well and my mother was all a wreck because of her upcoming mastectomy. Why? Well, it was my big brother's birthday and I wish it would have been celebrated under better conditions. We did the cookout and cake for him. I bought him a kick-ass reggae album: Culture "Two Sevens Clash". That's how I and I roll in Zion, Jah--kicking it with the Lion of Judah.

Last year about this time I was thinking of someone all the time. I haven't thought of that person much lately, but today I did. I wish I could just stow those feelings away if I can't do anything with them. I think I will just write a song instead.

I am also thinking of some girl that I was paling around with before all my health issues came up. It's funny how some people split when things get tough. What's even funnier is that I still think of her quite a bit. Hey, a sweet peach is still a sweet peach even if it doesn't last long. I think I will write two songs now.

Well, that's it for the time being. I'm all achy and I want to go to bed. See ya!