I decided to down an "STP" (Super Trucker Pop) the other day along with my medication. Not a good idea. Anybody that received any communications from me should note this. Sorry for either giving you hope that it would be a good conversation, only to turn into "yep" and "LOL", or emails that made no sense whatsoever.
My medication usually makes me want to sleep, and I didn't want to sleep yesterday. I was going stir crazy and wanted to try and get some hobby time in before today, when I start "light duty" at work--I'll be delivering light stuff instead of fixing things all day.
I had fitful sleep. I didn't knock off until about three, even though I tried like hell to go to bed just after midnight. After that it was one hour of sleep then half awake tossing and turning--lather, rinse, repeat.
Dream #1: The overwhelmed hero.
Now, I had many dreams, but these were the most vivid. I had a dream that a portable classroom full of children was being taken down a sinkhole. I tried to save them by tying a rope to the building and tugging them out with my own strength. I would get the building out, only to have another disaster try to destroy or consume them. I kept trying to save the building, until....
Dream #2 The frustrated watchman.
I was placed on a high brick wall. How high? About five stories tall. This brick wall went in a circle, broken only by a ten-foot gap. For some reason, people on the outside of the wall wanted to get inside this bricked enclosure. Being on top of this wall I could see that when these people actually went inside, they could not get out. The gap was like some one-way invisible trap door. I was frantically trying to warn everyone not to go in, but they didn't listen to me. Some of these people were just your garden variety dream extras. But, what was most disconcerting was seeing loved ones and dear friends not listen to you and get trapped. The worst part of all was trying not to fall while running along the top of this wall and often getting told "F-you". I had floating distractions as well, vying for my attention. Either attractive, interesting things, or heart breaking and horrible news. The worst distraction was when my own fears and feelings of inadequacy started to really dig a hole into my will--I started to doubt myself to the point of wanting to jump. It was all in effort to keep me away from my precarious watch tower.
Dream #3: Looking for justice, while being hunted down. A really disturbing dream.
I was driving down a road at night and came across a stretch where many animal and human bodies were left for dead. I got out to investigate, but all were either dying or expired. I spent the rest of this dream looking through this dark, creepy town for answers. This one was terrifying, because I couldn't find out why this was happening, but felt that I was being followed constantly.
Dream #4: The "Hail Mary" climb. Terrifying, but hopeful.
I had a dream that I was being forced to climb an icy cliff: If I didn't climb, someone close to me would die. I have no ice climbing experience in real life, but my dad has, and has told me enough to know a few things. I was being forced to climb by two eccentric and wealthy gay guys, who constantly made out. I think one of the guys was the agent from HBO's "Entourage". The refused to give me any gear at first, but I plead with them to give me at least a rope, some screws, carabiners, crampons, and a couple of ice picks. I chose these over warm clothing. Yeah, I was totally naked except for some boots.
I started up this cliff remembering what my dad always said: Keep three points of contact, always, and keep your butt close to the wall, don't let it hang. I managed to not get knocked down by falling ice, and survived a few broken holds. But, I started to get near the top and I ran out of screws to anchor myself in with the carabiners and rope. I decided to go on ahead, figuring my last secure point, if I fell, would at least have some chance of saving my life. I got about three yards up and then my rope was at the end. I had all this distance, about fifteen feet, to go. I had to go without any security other than my own ability to climb out. I got to the top.
I still feel like crap, however. I need to get some sleep.
4 years ago