I'd rather be a free man in my grave than living as a puppet or a slave

"Well they tell me of a pie up in the sky
Waiting for me when I die
But between the day you're born and when you die
They never seem to hear even your cry

So as sure as the sun will shine
I'm gonna get my share now of what's mine
And then the harder they come
The harder they'll fall, one and all
Ooh the harder they come
The harder they'll fall, one and all"

This was an excerpt from a Jimmy Cliff song, "The Harder They Come". Of course, I have been listening to a lot of Johnny Thunders lately, and the version that I have been listening to is him and Wayne Kramer (MC5 fame) doing a cover of this song.

I'm facing a vacuum of expectations. This is a new experience for me. My old expectations were like lead boots. I had to take off my old ones because they were giving me blisters and I was not getting very far.

In my life, between being lost and trying to find a kernel of truth in the couch cushions, I always thought that if I did something more--something that was not expected of a messed up boy--that I'd magically graduate to the land of the normal, successful people. Well, I've done all that and, well, zip!

I always thought that there was some big reason for me, a grand future, whatever--I believe the word I was looking for was fate. You know, you can't count on anything, except cliches regarding death and taxes.

So, guess what? I'm a weirdo! A sweet, silly-hearted weirdo. I'll always be walking aft from forward. I have no plan now. Plans only got me to be someone that I was not. "Plans" also got me into recording again, but that was a Death Cab For Cutie album, har!

So, I'm probably going to save up enough money to buy a plot of land out in the desert, make a house out of mud and hay bales, and start making some kind of twisted monument dedicated to Don Knotts and Buddy Holly. I will start by collecting colorful pieces of broken glass, rocks, old cans, and bind them together with some mortar. I figure I can raise some insane dogs that will like to run all the time, put them in a big wheel hooked up to a generator and pump--bam! I've got water and electricity. How else am I going to run my water fountains and flood lights?

I already have a guy that is going to teach me how to make bio-diesel from cooking oil. I'm thinking that the used cooking oil business will be a good racket to get into, anyway. I sure as hell would be left alone by many. I'd be known as the un-hitched crazy man, who sings strange songs and stinks like grease.

Maybe not.

Um, the expectations are coming back now....