Sunday, August 27, 2006

I'd rather be a free man in my grave than living as a puppet or a slave

"Well they tell me of a pie up in the sky
Waiting for me when I die
But between the day you're born and when you die
They never seem to hear even your cry

So as sure as the sun will shine
I'm gonna get my share now of what's mine
And then the harder they come
The harder they'll fall, one and all
Ooh the harder they come
The harder they'll fall, one and all"

This was an excerpt from a Jimmy Cliff song, "The Harder They Come". Of course, I have been listening to a lot of Johnny Thunders lately, and the version that I have been listening to is him and Wayne Kramer (MC5 fame) doing a cover of this song.

I'm facing a vacuum of expectations. This is a new experience for me. My old expectations were like lead boots. I had to take off my old ones because they were giving me blisters and I was not getting very far.

In my life, between being lost and trying to find a kernel of truth in the couch cushions, I always thought that if I did something more--something that was not expected of a messed up boy--that I'd magically graduate to the land of the normal, successful people. Well, I've done all that and, well, zip!

I always thought that there was some big reason for me, a grand future, whatever--I believe the word I was looking for was fate. You know, you can't count on anything, except cliches regarding death and taxes.

So, guess what? I'm a weirdo! A sweet, silly-hearted weirdo. I'll always be walking aft from forward. I have no plan now. Plans only got me to be someone that I was not. "Plans" also got me into recording again, but that was a Death Cab For Cutie album, har!

So, I'm probably going to save up enough money to buy a plot of land out in the desert, make a house out of mud and hay bales, and start making some kind of twisted monument dedicated to Don Knotts and Buddy Holly. I will start by collecting colorful pieces of broken glass, rocks, old cans, and bind them together with some mortar. I figure I can raise some insane dogs that will like to run all the time, put them in a big wheel hooked up to a generator and pump--bam! I've got water and electricity. How else am I going to run my water fountains and flood lights?

I already have a guy that is going to teach me how to make bio-diesel from cooking oil. I'm thinking that the used cooking oil business will be a good racket to get into, anyway. I sure as hell would be left alone by many. I'd be known as the un-hitched crazy man, who sings strange songs and stinks like grease.

Maybe not.

Um, the expectations are coming back now....

14 comments:

Logophile said...

Oh for the love of...
I am going to make you listen to some Debbie Gibson from the 80s, that oughta set you straight
(heh heh heh)

The Grunt said...

I am getting set straight.

There's no way in hell I'm going to turn into that old man. I am just hitting the reset button. If I listen to Debbie Gibson, I'll only slide further into oblivion.

I will send someone a neat prize if they can guess who the young man is in the picture giving the bird.

Scott said...

If it is for Buddy Holly then I am in!!

Cheers,

Scott

Güggs said...

with your minion of descendants...that's how you'll get lights and water...they will run for you day in and day out...if they truly love you.

and by the way, why Don Knotts and not Andy Griffiths? Matlock!

Güggs said...

by the way, the picture of the young bird flipper is of "wild man fischer"

The Grunt said...

Give that man a prize! Guggs, I'm thinking of a prize to give you right now.

goldennib said...

You're too cute to turn into that crazy old man.

vera said...

that sounded dubious...

anyway, there's nothing more that i want out of life than to be able to take all of my gadgets, toys, gizmos, whosits and whatsits and head off into the deep woods to live a life of solitude. me, a cabin, my dogs & cat and a gun...(OH!! satellite internet connections & solar panels too, but will be heavily camoflaged by trees, i promise!)... believe me, i've thought of becoming an island dweller. i even looked into remote properties in northern canada (to the un-learn-ed that sounds a bit redundant)... at the rate this city is growing and along my general hatred for 3-D people (exponentially i might add), it is becoming more of a reality than merely a dream...
*sings*
won't you be my neighbour???....

Queue_t said...

GRUNT-

Thanks for a place on your side bar, I was wondering why my traffic increased for a day or two!

I was watching extreme homes last night and a guy built a very cool house with hay bales and lime stone plaster in a chestnut tree forest- he even had a comode that used only ashes and lime and made your sh** into compost he used in his orchard.

QT

The Grunt said...

Thanks, Goldie. I sometimes wonder if things will turn out like I feel they will (good). So, let's hope for that.

QT~My pleasure on adding the link. I think the hay bale idea works as long as you are in the desert. I want a cool home.

Vera~Why you be hatin' on meat bags? I would love to be your neighbor, btw. I'd at least have someone to talk to besides myself.

Clearlykels said...

I like the plan with the expectations better:-) You have some great images and analogies in this post. Great writing!!!

The Grunt said...

Me too, Kels. Thanks for the compliments. It means a lot.

LindzyPinzy said...

love this post. can definetly relate

Sun Follower said...

I like your vision - and I can identify.