Thursday, August 16, 2007

TIGF!!! (That's Incredibly Gay Friday): Family music groups

Here on our right are The Cowsills, an all family group that even consisted of their mother. This was the real group that The Partridge Family was based on. They do a couple of kick ass songs, believe it or not: "The Rain, The Park and Other Things"; and "Hair". I really do dig these guys to an extent. They knew how to play their instruments well and kept it together throughout their time in the limelight.

Next we have the DeFranco Family.

I think I can remember the main teen heartthrob being Tony DeFranco, but this is going off of my oldest sister's record collection that I used to go through. I think the one 45 she had was "Heartbeat, it's a Lovebeat". Does Ani DeFranco come from this spawn? I've heard rumours, but I would bet that she has had to have people killed in order for this connection to be kept secret. She has a legitimate lesbian folk career to think about here. Anyway, The DeFrancos, pretty sugary stuff for sure, but we haven't even got to the best.

The Osmonds: behold the glory.
Is it me or does every person remember the sexual tension between Donnie and Marie? I can remember as a wee bairn thinking, "Why don't they just fuck already, gosh!" I must admit that nearly every damn time I hear Marie sing "Paper Roses" I pop a boner and cry a bit. I know that some of the older Osmonds really had legitimate rock chops and resented the fact that they weren't allowed to follow after their heroes, like Led Zeppelin and such. It must have been hard to basically take a step backward for a couple of genetic freaks of white teeth and perfect hair to take over the family spotlight. Hell, even Jimmy Osmond didn't even ruin things. He was the retarded one, right? Anyway, The Osmonds were the top dogs of the very TIGF in a good way family pop singing groups.

Now, I would like to take this time to tell you about my own ambitions in regards to this subject. I am on the lookout for a woman of great height and ample birthing hips to produce genetically perfect children, of which I will raise up into the ultimate family pop group ever invented: The Very Tall Children of (My Full Name here). Those of you who happen to know my full name get it. It just sounds like hot, instant success and awesomeness. These kids of mine will not only tower over mere mortals, but they will tap dance, yodel, and sing in so many different harmonies it will make your privates weep.

I think I need to start a'looking fer a place to bake me some hot-cross buns.

13 comments:

goldennib said...

I think you've got a winner of an idea here. And you're, like, even Mormon and all right? So you could spawn a few groups with various wives, so you could hit every market.

blog Portland said...

I was going to scorn you at first for not including the Bradys, and then realized that not only are they not an actual family, but all of your picks are so. much. gayer.

Christielli said...

Hmmmm... I wonder if you could find a good candidate for the mother of your pop group at some sort of hippie folk festival. I think some hot tall chick who plays harp or something would be perfect. ;)

EBEZP said...

Good luck in your search for the Amazonian rock chick, if she's got a sister give her my E addy!

The Partridge Family? Sorry no you want real families not plastic ones!

Jules said...

Yodel? Come on now... don't you think that's a bit too ambitious?

Serena Joy said...

And here I was getting along so well with nary a thought about any of those people. ROTFLMAO! I am, thankfully, off the hook insofar as the ample birthing hips.:-)

Scary Monster said...

Me don't know why, Me often gets the Osmonds mixed up with the Ozbournes. Silly, huh?

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Believe it or not, I actually recently thought of Family Musical Groups for a TIGF post!

Glad I'm not the only one who found Donnie and Marie's relationship a little creepy. Ok...VERY creepy.

I'm surprised that your Very Tall Children group aren't going to be rockin' hard with electric guitars. Now that really would be cool! Yodeling and tap dancing just sounds too much like the Von Trapps.

Photogirl said...

Does 'Hanson' count for TIGF? Cuz they are brothers, and very very gay.

"K" Fingerett said...

Well I feel all left out...

I don't know a thing about ANY of these people... The Cowsills, The Partidge Family, The DeFranco Family, The Osmonds... I've know of Led Zeppelin but thats all...

AND I can't find the humor in the name of your "ultimate family pop group" because I only know part of your name... unless your last name is "Ershort" and your middle name is "Issup" then I dont get it *pouts*

Damnit... now everyone knows I'm a loser...

::hugs anyway::


~K

Tys on Ice said...

Let me guide you the wonder woman Cher...you can then enroll the kids in a freak show also..

btw, the only family signing group I know are the Jacksons...dont I lead a comfy life...

Logophile said...

snicker snicker

I love it.
I'll be on the lookout for a breeder for you.
Just, please, for the love of all that is holy, quit talking about weeping privates.
I don't know what kind of infection that is, but I don't wanna discuss it.

The Grunt said...

You guys are great. I'm being a bitch tonight and just doing this reply.