Here on our right are The Cowsills, an all family group that even consisted of their mother. This was the real group that The Partridge Family was based on. They do a couple of kick ass songs, believe it or not: "The Rain, The Park and Other Things"; and "Hair". I really do dig these guys to an extent. They knew how to play their instruments well and kept it together throughout their time in the limelight.
Next we have the DeFranco Family.
I think I can remember the main teen heartthrob being Tony DeFranco, but this is going off of my oldest sister's record collection that I used to go through. I think the one 45 she had was "Heartbeat, it's a Lovebeat". Does Ani DeFranco come from this spawn? I've heard rumours, but I would bet that she has had to have people killed in order for this connection to be kept secret. She has a legitimate lesbian folk career to think about here. Anyway, The DeFrancos, pretty sugary stuff for sure, but we haven't even got to the best.
The Osmonds: behold the glory. Is it me or does every person remember the sexual tension between Donnie and Marie? I can remember as a wee bairn thinking, "Why don't they just fuck already, gosh!" I must admit that nearly every damn time I hear Marie sing "Paper Roses" I pop a boner and cry a bit. I know that some of the older Osmonds really had legitimate rock chops and resented the fact that they weren't allowed to follow after their heroes, like Led Zeppelin and such. It must have been hard to basically take a step backward for a couple of genetic freaks of white teeth and perfect hair to take over the family spotlight. Hell, even Jimmy Osmond didn't even ruin things. He was the retarded one, right? Anyway, The Osmonds were the top dogs of the very TIGF in a good way family pop singing groups.
Now, I would like to take this time to tell you about my own ambitions in regards to this subject. I am on the lookout for a woman of great height and ample birthing hips to produce genetically perfect children, of which I will raise up into the ultimate family pop group ever invented: The Very Tall Children of (My Full Name here). Those of you who happen to know my full name get it. It just sounds like hot, instant success and awesomeness. These kids of mine will not only tower over mere mortals, but they will tap dance, yodel, and sing in so many different harmonies it will make your privates weep.
I think I need to start a'looking fer a place to bake me some hot-cross buns.
4 years ago