Today's post was going to be about women who look like Jose Canseco, but I figured that my embarrassing encounter with a certain lady will need to be delayed. I really thought I was going to complete my "Roid Rippers of MLB" autograph collection that day. Meh, it wasn't to be. Oh, and I have to apologize to Sarah at the clinic: I really do feel bad about calling you "Slugger" all those times; it won't happen again. We're still hitting the batting cages if your girlfriend is alright with it, right?
No, today's post is not about really athletic and fashion-challenged butchies; today is about something seriously TIGF in a bad way: The concert girlfriend boat anchor. What is this exactly? Well, this is usually the girlfriend or wife of a dude who won't let the guy go with his friends to a concert, but somehow allows him to go so long as he is accompanied by said girlfriend or wife. Usually, the significant anchor is such because they just sit down in the chair or on the blanket and pass the time knitting or reading a damn book, only to get up on occasion to a song that was their "popular" tune, thus, effectively grounding any real fun the poor guy might have.
I can't stand people like this. It is distracting for me to have people laboring through a concert that everyone else is digging. Furthermore, these significant boat anchors seem to enjoy bringing down those around them by not paying attention to shit and making those frowny faces of impatience. Worst of all is that they make their "loved ones" leave before the encore so they can avoid traffic.
Why am I picking on women with this one? Well, if a girl talks me into going to a Jack Johnson concert, or whatever shit I don't like, I think that I might have a chance of going to see "Blow Job: The Musical!" afterwards. This is not so with women. They don't do this to get some. Women do this in order to get out of "it" or to torture the man during the thing (concert) he enjoys by interrupting him with complaints and stupid questions about the band, or whatever shit is happening at the time.
Now that I've mentioned "Blow Job: The Musical!", I bet you are wondering if there is such a thing, and if there is such a thing, what would it be like. Well, if you've seen "Grease 2" and wanted a Grunt Ahoy version of it, that would be "Blow Job: The Musical!". In fact, I think I'd even rip off one of the songs from "Grease 2", um, "Score Tonight", and work that one a bit into my title track. It would go something like this:
Gonna get a blow-oh-woah job toonigh-hight!
Gonna get a blow-oh-woah job toonigh-ee-ight!
...and that is all I can remember from that dreaded song to be honest, but you get my drift. I think it would be an absolute smash hit at the box office.
4 years ago