Thursday, August 09, 2007

TIGF!!! (That's Incredibly Gay Friday): Significant boat anchors (at a concert)

Today's post was going to be about women who look like Jose Canseco, but I figured that my embarrassing encounter with a certain lady will need to be delayed. I really thought I was going to complete my "Roid Rippers of MLB" autograph collection that day. Meh, it wasn't to be. Oh, and I have to apologize to Sarah at the clinic: I really do feel bad about calling you "Slugger" all those times; it won't happen again. We're still hitting the batting cages if your girlfriend is alright with it, right?

No, today's post is not about really athletic and fashion-challenged butchies; today is about something seriously TIGF in a bad way: The concert girlfriend boat anchor. What is this exactly? Well, this is usually the girlfriend or wife of a dude who won't let the guy go with his friends to a concert, but somehow allows him to go so long as he is accompanied by said girlfriend or wife.
Usually, the significant anchor is such because they just sit down in the chair or on the blanket and pass the time knitting or reading a damn book, only to get up on occasion to a song that was their "popular" tune, thus, effectively grounding any real fun the poor guy might have.

I can't stand people like this. It is distracting for me to have people laboring through a concert that everyone else is digging. Furthermore, these significant boat anchors seem to enjoy bringing down those around them by not paying attention to shit and making those frowny faces of impatience. Worst of all is that they make their "loved ones" leave before the encore so they can avoid traffic.

Why am I picking on women with this one? Well, if a girl talks me into going to a Jack Johnson concert, or whatever shit I don't like, I think that I might have a chance of going to see "Blow Job: The Musical!" afterwards. This is not so with women. They don't do this to get some. Women do this in order to get out of "it" or to torture the man during the thing (concert) he enjoys by interrupting him with complaints and stupid questions about the band, or whatever shit is happening at the time.

Now that I've mentioned "Blow Job: The Musical!", I bet you are wondering if there is such a thing, and if there is such a thing, what would it be like. Well, if you've seen "Grease 2" and wanted a Grunt Ahoy version of it, that would be "Blow Job: The Musical!". In fact, I think I'd even rip off one of the songs from "Grease 2", um, "Score Tonight", and work that one a bit into my title track. It would go something like this:

Gonna get a blow-oh-woah job toonigh-hight!
Gonna get a blow-oh-woah job toonigh-ee-ight!

...and that is all I can remember from that dreaded song to be honest, but you get my drift. I think it would be an absolute smash hit at the box office.


Pokey said...

I can't wait for Blow Job: The Musical! My husband and I would be standing in line for days before the tickets go on
I have a friend who is the "Anchor" and it's so damn annoying. She won't let her boy do anything w/o her right up his ass and she never has a good time but she refuses to let him go w/o her. That just makes no sense to me. I let my husband do what he wants for the most part. I don't care for xbox 360 games and stuff like that so he has his boys over and I just serve them beers and stay in my room and watch tv or go out with the girls.

Logophile said...

I know some of those too!
I love that description of them, significant anchors, soooo fitting.
I don't understand, I'd rather stay home or go with my friends than do something I don't want to do with him.
Blowjob:The Musical
(snicker snicker)

NYD said...

I once dated a girl like that, btw The concert girlfriend boat anchor. is the perfect description; the first time we went through that I thought that she was just trying to be interested in the things I was. By the second time it happened I realized that she was just plain insecure about everything and just couldn't stand to see someone else having fun.

Lumps in human form.

Rush probably won't be playing Japan. Someone once told Geddy Lee what his name meant in Japanese and he probably didn't want to deal with the jokes.

Jules said...

I knew I liked musicals for a good reason! Hey, will you call me and sing those two lines in person?? Awww, come on... pretty please?

I've seen 'em, but never been one, an anchor that is. But for some reason, I've never let it get to me like it does you. It just makes me wanna sing/dance louder! LOL

goldennib said...

I guess for some people it is their only way to get power and attention. Can't stand people like that. I always ask them point blank why they didn't just stay home. I'm not a big hit with people like that.

I think you should Trademark that phrase. As everyone has said, it's a perfect Gruntism.

Photogirl said...

haha! "Significant Anchors". too funny...

Yeah, I don't get that. If my man wanted to do something I wasn't interested in, I'd just send him on his merry way and go out and do something I wanted to do! Why ruin the party for everyone else, just because you don't want to be there??

Serena Joy said...

I know some anchor women. Total harpies. Let me know when the Musical is coming out. I'd probably stand in line for tickets.:-)

"K" Fingerett said...

Hello Mr. Grunt Man!

I'm cutting it close but I just had to stop by and see how you were doing.

Gotta run-- I hope all is well!



EBEZP said...

I know exactly what you mean and the trouble is they get worse as they get older!!
Or is it that the concerts you go to are attracting older audiences!!
Rush after all are not pretty boys in a sweet little boy band are they.

My last concert was Aerosmith but I did the perfect thing went with my son (22) and I had to go very hard to keep up. I managed and it was awesome but if the missus had been there it would have been murderous!!

Bring it on Blowjob The Musical, where are we going to hold the auditions?
"Do you swallow?" "Yes" "You've got the job!"

Outdoorsy Girl said...

I SOOOO can't stand girlfriends like the significant anchors. (No, I've never had one, but I know some of my friends are that way!)If I am not into something he is, then I hope he will go and have fun without me. I wouldn't want him to come along with me on my girls night out for Team Trivia or to pick out new pretty yarns for knitting.

I do know the male anchor type, too. (My friend's boyfriend) He's always crashing our girlie activities! I try to talk about menstrual complications, shopping (which I HATE), and my old Barbie collection as much as possible but it's no use. An anchor will never float away.

Chandra said...

in my head... haha... blowjob the musical's theme song would go along with the la kook a rocha song... jack johnson=blech... ok the odd thing dragging you men to makes sense but using that as bait is like making a man into a hooker, and not in the good way. Why take the guy if he's going to be a pain and hate the entire thing and not shut up... same goes for chicks. That's why we have dad's that like to rock out... we bring them when our friends suck, and our signifigant others... but ya this tangent will continue on my own blog.

p.s if they let me all the way over the border.. hopefully we can hang out. NO jack johnson though.
Take care

KAYLEE said...

i agree with you and nice blog you have jsut read some of your other posts and i am sorry that you have to go through chemo but hope that everything will turn out fine for ya.I just had heart surgery the other day and am still in the hospital so i know what its like to have something that is life I am still a teenager hehe.

Karyn said...

Not all women work that way. I'd totally do a thing (like the jack johnson concert) I didn't like in the hopes of getting some later. And I sure as shit wouldn't knit through it.

Blowjob the Musical... too damn funny.

Keshi said...

lol @blow-oh-woah job!


goldennib said...

Just checking to see how you are doing.

The Grunt said...

Pokey~ I wonder if Andrew Lloyd Webber would be interested in helping me out on this.

Logo~ You are a significant firecracker.

NYD~ That is exactly the type.

Jules~ What happens if I do sing those lines? Do I get a cookie?

Nessa~ I really should.

Celeste~ You got that right.

Serena~ Standing is optional.

Hey K~ Are you just doing a drive by? Well, it was good to see ya.

Ebezp~ That's pretty much how the auditions will be going. Do you want to be in charge of casting?

O-Girl~ I think I speak for all men when I say that yarn shopping with women is a total laugh riot. Hahahahaha....ah-hahahahahaha!

Chandra~ I don't know if this country is ready for you.

Kaylee~ I hope you recover from your heart surgery, and I hope that fixes the problem for good. Welcome to my blog!

Karyn~ You're a good sport.

Keshi~ Or laugh while during. Either way is cool;)

Nessa~ I'm really tired and weak. I think I'm at that point where my blood count is really low and anemia is a factor. I still kick ass, though.

Christie said...

I have sat through tons of my hubby's shitty karate/zombie movies in high hopes of watching a Love Story afterwards. It never happened. Love Story turned into Sleeping Story. Yeah for me.

The Grunt said...

Christie~ So there is hope for a reward that is not torture in these cases. Hmmmmm...interesting.

Oh, and welcome to my blog!