Sunday, August 05, 2007

Chemo sucks: Featuring a segment devoted to our friend, the dolphin.

It seems that the unpleasantness of chemo has finally caught up to me. My mouth is inflamed and looks red as a baboon's ass on the inside. A few canker sores my ass. I feel as though I've constantly have hot cinnamon oil burning my lips, cheeks, and gums constantly. It kept me up all night.

Also, the nausea has been real fun. The drugs work but basically render you useless. My taste for bacon and pastrami has been ruined forever--it's depressing. The good news is that root beer floats helped my stomach and fire mouth out so much that I have upgraded them to medicinal status.

Tomorrow at 6:30 AM, I go in for surgery to have my port placement done. I have had this day off for quite some time because I was going to see Rush in concert (I know this makes me a geek). I still plan on going no matter how effed up I will be. I will officially be the only person stoned at a Rush concert since 1983.

I just got done watching one of my favorite groovy films of the late '60s, "In like Flint". In part of this movie Flint is researching communications with our friend the dolphin. Apparently, the way you communicate with dolphins is by underwater turkey calling. Later in the film, Flint employs this technique to get a dolphin to help him through the lagoon fortifications of a top secret island operations run by power hungry women. I thought this was really neat. I figure that if I can harness the power of the dolphin that I could overcome any obstacle in my way. Now I just need to work on my use of silly, underwater turkey noises that supposedly make dolphins come to your aide. I can see it now...

Me (stuck in traffic, trying to make it to a doctor's appointment): Egad, what a mess! What will I ever do now?

(One minute later)

Me: Ah-ha! I will call on the assistance of my friend, the dolphin. Bluhbloobalooobalooobabahloooooo!

Flipper Rodrigez the II: Eeeeeee! Eeeeeeeee!

Me: Gosh, look at him direct all that traffic!

So on and so forth, the end.

19 comments:

Scott said...

So impressed that are you still going to be seeing Rush in all of their glory. That is amazing man! have a great time and hope that the music takes you away a bit.

Cheers,

Scott

Logophile said...

You GEEEEEEEK!
I'm kinda jealous though...
of the concert specifically, although medicinal root beer floats are kinda awesome.
Canker sores suck all kinds of ass though, bleck, and baboon ass mouth definitely doesn't sound like a good time.

Mwah! Keep your chin up Grunty, the dolphins are coming to save you, you just live really far inland, give them some time.

Keshi said...

u know what Grunty...it's amazing how ur dealing with it all in good spirits. Way to be. I admire ya Mr.Sunshine HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Scary Monster said...

Harness a couple of dolphins to clyde and let them guide you through all future obstacles.

Have great time at the show. Fabulous chance to let everything go for a couple of hours.

Stay Stompy.

David said...

Dolphins are oversexed predators with possibly the most incredible prehensile penis in the natural world... No wonder Flint liked them.

You are doing brilliantly with the chemo, much better than I did.

NYD said...

A little live music and a lot of noise might just be the thing you need, but I'm wondering how you are going to smuggle the porpoise into the show with you?
The seeing eye dolphin thing went out years ago.

EBEZP said...

Hey mate just enjoy Rush, that'll be awesome.
The rest of the stuff I'm sure will all fit in around the concert!!

goldennib said...

I'm glad you decided to do the concert no matter what. Great idea as music is very good for you.

Using cool chamomile tea as a mouthwash may help your sores. It's soothing and antiseptic.

Everyone knows that dolphins are the smartest mammals visiting the earth right now. Good move to learn to talk to them.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Well I knew about all the unpleasantness but I had no idea you were going to Rush!

If you went, I can't wait to hear about it! (geek)

Trundling Grunt said...

Hang on in there with the treatment. You have balls my friend. I don't know if I could put up with it the way you have.

But....I'm sorry...Rush? Why is everyone in the world (including dolphins it would appear) a Rush fan?

Take care.

Clearlykels said...

thinking and praying for you-- but you know that :-)

Mayden' s Voyage said...

Hope you had a great time, and I'm sorry the treatment is rough. Thinking of you tonight- don't wear yourself out...rest up friend and take all the drugs they give you to help with the side effects.
They do help :)

Jules said...

How was the concert, hon? I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so shit ass. I was really really hoping it wouldn't affect you that badly until a few sessions in. (Squishy Hug) If you think root beer floats are great, you should try Mountain Dew ones!

Aside from that, did you know that there's a vibrator called the Dolphin, and when used properly it can also direct traffic?

Love you millions, sweetie!!

cindra said...

Oh, that sucks. I think you are amazing. Brave and healthy and you'll kick some ass here...hang in there.

Love to you!

Keshi said...

Grunty Im missing ya...come ova to my place when u hv time. HUGGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Serena Joy said...

I hate it that you're having the nausea and sore mouth. That's great that you're going to go see Rush, though. And stoned, yet -- the first person to do so since 1983. That rocks!

Feel better!

The Grunt said...

Oooph! Wish I had the energy right now to respond to each one of you. Thanks for leaving me some love. I'll do a brief post.

Chandra said...

best thing to keep your electrolites up are orange juice popsicles.... or at least that's what we used for my mom and grandma. It seemed to work out well or adding protein powder to blended/milkshakes.

Karyn said...

Why the HELL do you have to live so far away?