Sunday, August 26, 2007

Sheeeshkabob! Hi-yaaaaaaa!!! Here's your dry cleaning.

I was thinking about tree huggers today, or rather, the act of tree hugging. What if you don't like to hug the live ones? Does this then make you a necrophiliac?

I ran into a short wave radio club at a restaurant the other day. I've never seen more geeky men in my entire life. They were alright, though. Remarkably similar in their freakish nerd quality. They said they were all going to get laid after. Good luck, boys. Turn your dials to the end and give 'em hell!

I have found that when I speak people listen but when I fart they listen, smell, and look at me intensely. I think that communication in this manner is better by fart.

Why won't McDonald's just give in and sell breakfast during lunch? We all know it is damn tasty. That effin' clown is behind this; I know it.

I have experienced a pain that is totally new to me. It came as a reaction to the Nuepogen injections I was getting to restore my white blood cells. I call this pain "full skeletal migraine". I had so much fun dealing with that for two days this week that I nearly shit my pants and cried at work. Not even a freakin' Lortab did anything for the pain and I was told I'd only need Tylenol. I love having smoke blown up my ass. Gosh, cancer is fun!

I watched "Escape From New York" last night and it was a good time. However, when I was a wee bairn in the '80s I remembered it being so freakin' cool that I came in my jeans. I wanted to be Snake and it was the FUTURE! I lied. I couldn't cum in my jeans back then. Pissed my pants is what I did. The other came later on in life.

I still want to be Snake Plissken, though.

I have a new saying: "I'm as strong as Superman and as bald as Lex Luther!" I'm thinking of using it in job interviews and for picking up chicks.

I've had someone confide in me that they have seen bright blue poop before. What odd colors of poop have you experienced and/or seen?

I should probably end this post now.


Scary Monster said...

Me likes the line: Strong as Superman and as bald as Lex Luthor!"

Caint say that Me dug 'ol snake to the same extent as you did. When Me were a tadpole Me wanted to be James Caan in Rollerball.

As fer the multicolored excreta. The Monster has never produced blue, but Me has done the Pepto-Bismal obsidian black and an unusual shade of play doh yellow after getting dosed so that the doc could "read" me internal organs during a CAT scan.

Enjoy the poop, just don't try to fingerpaint with the stuff.


goldennib said...

Your thought processes and your brain's excretions are so entertaining.

Jules said...

Actually, I went into the public washrooms at WalMart one time with Kim and I always look into the stall to see what non-goodies may inhabit the basin before I enter. This time I kicked open the door and no word of a lie, witnesses NEON colored RAINBOW poop. A giant log of it. I laughed so hard I almost peed myself. Had to go running out of the washroom to get control of myself.

When you fart, I think it's most likely that the people are looking at you so intensely to try to figure out what it was that you ate to make you smell that way!

Crystal said...

what i wouldn't do for a mcdonald's breakfast burrito right now...

Logophile said...

Free Tibet!

I have no idea why I said that, it just came out.

Don't stop believing.

blog Portland said...

I remember some very bright colors emerging from my kids, thanks be to those tasty jellied fruit snacks. My son had the wherewithal to tell me all about the lightsaber that he pooed out one day.

vera said...

You freak me out, man. Get outta ma head!

I watched "Escape from L.A." last night!! Bwahaha!!!

I've seen green pooh. After drinking a bright blue slurpee. Freaked me out, man... Freaked. Me. Out.


EBEZP said...

Escape from NY is such a cool film!!

We had a fart machine in work and when people past the front desk we used to let it off. So much fun seeing everybody look at somebody else, I could then walk between them all and let one or two off just to add the smell to the confusion!!

Babies are good for poop colour watching, orange, then green, then orange and green together. Three in a row!!

Photogirl said...

dude you hav GOT to lay off the caffeine. this post is all over the place! my head is spinning...

cindra said...

Um, have you been talking to Mr. Fab who is eating varieties of food coloring to make his poo blue?

Serena Joy said...

I'll join you in demanding that McDonald's sell breakfast during lunch. Why not?! I'll agree that Snake's sexy, as is Lex, and that bald can be pretty damn cool. I can talk about headaches, but not the kind you had, which I can't even imagine and which would drive me up the wall in about 5 seconds. I don't believe I can bring myself to discuss psychedelic poop, though.:)

The Grunt said...

Scary~ James Caan rules just because. Radiation and chemo do funny things to poo, fo sho.

Nessa~ That's why Blogger pays me the big bucks.

Jules~ Rainbow poo? Genius!

Crystal~ You and me both.

Logo~ I will free Tibet, right after I brush my teeth.

Sir McFatty~ That light saber poo sounds awesome. So, how long did your son's force linger after taking that dump?

Vera~ Great minds watch similar movies.

Ebezp~ HAHA! That would be a riot.

Celeste~ I was on the wagon and now I've fallen off--caffeine that is.

Cindra~ What is Mr. Fab's diet? Just curious.

Serena~ I've got you behind me on this McDonald's thing. Good.

Corn Dog said...

Green Poo. Too much grape Kool Aid. I got addicted after the Guyana deal. I tried it, liked it and went overboard and had to go to Betty Ford.

The Grunt said...

Corn Dog~ You funny!

Karyn said...

Okay. Orange poop, green poop, bluish blackish poop. (Carrots, peas, and a pint of ill-gotten blueberries. Kids are good science experiments if nothing else.)

Strong as Superman, Bald as Lex Luthor.. hm.. where did I hear that before... hm.

Never saw Escape From New York. If there is a chance of you-know-whatting in my jeans or anywhere else, maybe I should take a look at it because I'm starting to worry I'll forget how.

Fuck Lortab. Get some Dilaudid. That is the best stuff on earth.

McDonalds...breakfast...lunch... the clown... okay, look, you know how I feel about clowns. I'm SO ok with blaming him.

Wind based communication... yeah, I'm gonna say 'no' to that one.

Hang tight, kid.

Karyn said...

I also know someone who ate too much beetroot in one sitting and peed red for a night.

Terrifying, that.

(Look, I know you wwere asking about poop, but this deserves an honorable mention, I thought.)