You know what? I even looked at my neighbor's dog catch a fly with his mouth and it still didn't effect me. That stuff is pretty damn compelling action right there, but I was still bored. So, what did I do about it? I started fixing things. Anything I could get my hands on I fixed. If I were a veterinarian I probably would have fixed dogs and cats, maybe even a ferret.
Ferrets need fixing too, you know!
When I wasn't fixing something I was taking stuff apart and putting it back together again in my mind. I needed to get out and do something fast. I went and saw a movie.
I forced an unsuspecting family member to go with me.
There was a guy in the movie theater; his hair was all wrong. I prayed to God that I might be blessed with super Moses powers and part this guy's hair correctly--part it from across the theater. God didn't think this was an appropriate use of his power. How did I know this? Oh, God and I go way back, so I sort of know when he's not really chuffed with certain requests of mine. Usually I am bombarded with double doses of Barry Manilow, one song per ear, simultaneously.
Aversion technique: tre clever, God....Touche.
Bored again, or so I thought. The lights dimmed and the trailers started. I was pleasantly distracted long enough to not fix a single thing in my head, except for teenager's droopy drawers and a loose armrest. Okay, two things--a world record. The crowd that lives in my head goes wild, "Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
This is normal behavior, no?
Continuing, the lights now go all the way down and the movie starts. I resist the urge to fix things in my head. I even say this, "Must. Stop. Fixing! Things!! IN HEAD!!!"
Cue birds singing peacefully.
Oh, now where was I? Oh yes...it all stopped--the fixing stuff in my head. I started playing a new game called, "What would I do?" Yeah, I totally wouldn't have done it the way they did it in the movie. A bunch of morons is what they were. This isn't still "Fixing things in my head", is it?
I am so in denial.
4 years ago