Tuesday, August 28, 2007

"It happened again" (A post from another, defunct blog of mine)

You know what? I even looked at my neighbor's dog catch a fly with his mouth and it still didn't effect me. That stuff is pretty damn compelling action right there, but I was still bored. So, what did I do about it? I started fixing things. Anything I could get my hands on I fixed. If I were a veterinarian I probably would have fixed dogs and cats, maybe even a ferret.

Ferrets need fixing too, you know!

When I wasn't fixing something I was taking stuff apart and putting it back together again in my mind. I needed to get out and do something fast. I went and saw a movie.

I forced an unsuspecting family member to go with me.

There was a guy in the movie theater; his hair was all wrong. I prayed to God that I might be blessed with super Moses powers and part this guy's hair correctly--part it from across the theater. God didn't think this was an appropriate use of his power. How did I know this? Oh, God and I go way back, so I sort of know when he's not really chuffed with certain requests of mine. Usually I am bombarded with double doses of Barry Manilow, one song per ear, simultaneously.

Aversion technique: tre clever, God....Touche.

Bored again, or so I thought. The lights dimmed and the trailers started. I was pleasantly distracted long enough to not fix a single thing in my head, except for teenager's droopy drawers and a loose armrest. Okay, two things--a world record. The crowd that lives in my head goes wild, "Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

This is normal behavior, no?

Continuing, the lights now go all the way down and the movie starts. I resist the urge to fix things in my head. I even say this, "Must. Stop. Fixing! Things!! IN HEAD!!!"

Cue birds singing peacefully.

Oh, now where was I? Oh yes...it all stopped--the fixing stuff in my head. I started playing a new game called, "What would I do?" Yeah, I totally wouldn't have done it the way they did it in the movie. A bunch of morons is what they were. This isn't still "Fixing things in my head", is it?

I am so in denial.


Logophile said...

Do you have a kick ass solution for Iraq?

EBEZP said...

Good post not suffered because of regurgitation!

Scary Monster said...

We all be fixing things, Cap'n. And me be pretty sure that there be a lot of things that need changing, but me be kinda certain that ya don't need to fix the way you look at the world we be livin in.

um, chuffed? Is that a latent Limey lurking in there?


goldennib said...

I bet your movie would have been way better.

Outdoorsy Girl said...


I always knew you were Mr. Fix-It, but I had no idea it was an illness. You really should fix that problem.

Next time I see you I will be paranoid that your fixing my hair or my complexion or my wardrobe malfunctions in your head.

Tys on Ice said...

Grunt Almighty :) does hve a nice ring to it...wht wud u really change?

Sun Follower said...

"I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in, and stops my mind from wondering... where it will go..."

cindra said...

Yeah, I am with Nessa...your version woulda been mondo entertaining.

You still kill me.

Mayden' s Voyage said...

I'm all caught up now...can I send your mom a card, or would she be freaked out by that?

Ok- here's a story from a story I wrote...it's about how one little cloud was lonely because he had to move around all the time, and how the trees were "miserable because they couldn't go anywhere. (This is my first childrens book- seriously)-
Anyway- I did a couple of jokes between the trees... One said, "Hey! I am SO BOARD!" the other tree says, "Me too...don't you wish we could Leaf!" :)
"Knock knock"
"Whose there?"
Notty who...
Knotty pine!!!!"

but the kids think it's funny :) LOL-
Your post made me think of that~ please don't try to fix me. It won't do any good- ask T ;)

Karyn said...

I don't think it's denial so much as OCD. But what do I know - i'm the queen of rationalization.


Glad you're getting out.

Ferrets need fixing... oy. There's a bumpersticker for the ages.

The Grunt said...

Logo~ Yes, either blow it all to hell or leave.

Ebezp~ Like when you regurgitate your favorite food!

Scary~ Well, I did live in jolly old England for a couple of years.

Nessa~ It totally would have.

O-Girl~ There's nothing wrong with that. Besides, I thought it was a good thing to be supportive.

Ty~ Grunt Almighty. I like that!

Sun~ Awesome song. It totally fits as well.

Cindra~ In a good way, I presume.

Cora~ I'll have to keep my eye out for that book. My mom would probably be freaked out by a letter from a "stranger". I'll just give her a hug for you.

Karyn~ Ferrets are always breeding.

Jules said...

At least it stays in your head... unlike myself who actually had to pull the baggy guy underwear up.

You and I... we can't hang out together because you'd be thinking up all these things that needed fixing and then you'd spout them off to me and I'd be left with uncontrollable urges to follow through on them. Dangerous.

Clearlykels said...

What movie did you see?