Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Tired, tired, tired.

I kept falling today so I just decided to put in all the psychedelic music I could into my CD player and lay in bed, either sleeping or staring at the wall while on painkillers. I watched the 1977 William Friedkin (the guy who did "The Exorcist") film "Sorcerer", which was a remake of an earlier French film and novel, "Le Salaire de la Peur" (The Wages of Fear). That is one trippy and suspenseful flick. The soundtrack by Tangerine Dream was perfect for my mood today.

Monday was made "golden brown" by a narcotic happy anesthesiologist. My surgery was scheduled for 6:30 AM and things got behind, so it didn't happen until 9:30 AM. In the meantime, my "Ani" figured out how to shape my mood for the delay using some opiates injected into my veins. Boy howdy, did I ever feel brown. I had one moment of extreme sweating, then it was all "bang bang, shoot shoot". We hadn't even got to the real anesthesia yet.

The operation to place my porta-catheter was successful. I was put down to a level of semi-consciousness, but I did not feel a thing. The way I look now is like I've just been shot twice in the chest, then given an alien implant. I can remember the shoving/tugging weirdness of the device being forced under my skin, yet over my muscle and bone. It really didn't bother me much, to be honest.

I went home and slept. I got up and decided to go to the Rush concert no matter what. I had GA tickets with my brother. This amphitheater has reserved seating near the stage, then a large grassy hill behind it. I just picked a soft spot in the hay away from the crowd and laid there watching the show. It was great. Rush didn't play "Working Man", "By-Tor", or "2112", but they did play their new stuff and it was really good. It was nice because I got to hear stuff that they normally don't play live. Since I see Rush every time they hit town it is nice to have a change.

Today I am happy to be coming down, but it has left me weak, as I've said. I don't know how much visiting I will get done tonight because I need my rest. I have my TIGF planned and I think I will not post until then. For now, I will try and visit you all when I feel up to it.

Oh, I want to come up with some T-shirts to sell on here. I need the money to build up my war chest again and this is one of the ways I figure I can do it without feeling a charity case. I had a good amount of savings before all of this started and will get through. However.......

You see, it hasn't only been my health this Summer: my main computer was ruined; my vehicle has required over $2,000 worth of repairs; my 20-year-old niece has divorced and has chosen many self-destructive paths since (including cops finding her passed out and beaten up behind a dumpster and now is under 90 pounds). Honestly, it has been hard all over for me and my family. I have never questioned why during all of this. I just ask, "What shall I do now?" This t-shirt stuff is part of what I want to do, even if it just is for a few people.

I am not asking for anything. This is just what I want to try. I'm also trying to sell off a couple of guitar amps, but you'd need to be local in order to not have shipping be crazy. I think I can get homes for those no problem. I have total faith that I will get through all of this. It's just that I can't stop wondering if some rich white guys, that call themselves Mortimer and Randolph, have made a one-dollar bet on me in some way. A free CD goes to the first person who can say what movie that is from.


Scary Monster said...

Trading Places-Stomp

Scary Monster said...

Just wanted to make sure me had that in first. Me got the time lag advantage here and me be unscrupulous enough to use it.

Take things slow and easy, Cap'n and put me down fer at least two of them shirts.

Stay Stompy.

Jules said...

Dammit, SM, you beat me.

I'll grab a t-shirt... will it have a big Grunty face with a thumbs up on it?

Happy as a pickle that's been left in the jar that your cath procedure went well... we already talked about it, but I must reitterate, I LOVE the Ani's! ;O)

Take it slow and easy, babes. No pressures to be here, you know that. HEre's a few (((HUGS))) to last for a bit till you're back again.

Gawd... am I cheesy?

vera said...

I'd buy ice from you if i lived in the arctic, darling...


*sends you some super cool Frank Zappa proggy stuff...* Blessed Relief is GREAT! Reminds me of the part in Soylent Green when Sol "goes home"...

PS: Can I have a tshirt that says "Gruntonians For The Liberation of Non-Free-Range Vegetables"

Logophile said...

I need some drugs, and a teeshirt.

EBEZP said...

Glad things went well mate and making it to see Rush. Well done! I'd love to see them if only for old times sake.

Now as for visiting everybody....forget it, we'll all come to you - no worries ok.

Take it easy, don't pressure yourself!

goldennib said...

What t-shirt stuff? What did I miss?

Rest. You deserve it.

Serena Joy said...

Wow, you've got a lot on your plate. Life is hard enough when we have only one crisis at a time to deal with. I salute you for remaining sane in the face of total raving chaos.

Make the tee-shirts -- I'll buy one!

Keshi said...

TAKE IT EASY Grunty! And know that we r all thinking of u. HUGGGGGGGGZ!


Outdoorsy Girl said...

Looking forward to those tee shirts! :) Lord knows I could use a shirt that fits me the right way! lol!

Continue to rest as much as you need.


Scary Monster said...

Me just had a thought. Yer not gonna make it a "TIGF" Shirt are ya? iffin ya do then me will only be able to wear it on special occasions.


David said...

A Tangerine Dream day is just what ou needed. And you are right, you will get through it.

Scott said...

Glad that you were able to get out to the Rush concert. You are an absolute trooper. I am catching them here is September.

Looking forward to the T Shirts.

Photogirl said...

Bring on the t-shirts! Can I have one with your very best TIGF post on it???

Lucy said...

I kept falling [asleep] today...

No need to keep this comment, I just thought you might want to add a word to the above line.

Put 'er there! You have spinach in your teeth (reference to my blog post)

I'm a standup comedienne and writing is my lifeblood. So I know sometimes how hard it is to edit your own work. Nice coming across your blog.

Speaking of Rush...What about the voice of Geddy Lee? How did it get so high? I wonder if he speaks like an ordinary guy? - Pavement

Mayden' s Voyage said...

2 t-shirts friend...XL for T, L for me, so I can sleep in it! ;)
Hugs :)
We think of you every day :)

Scary Monster said...

Me actually thought you be truly falling, like cuz of the meds an stuff.


Chandra said...

mortimer.... robert munsch writes about him and alex and the no good very bad day.

Reading this actually made me feel like a douche bag for thinking I don't have enough money for my schooling, and that I think my family health problems have been bad. Sorry for feeling bad for myself and not opening up my eyes.

What kind of t=shirts are we talking about... no wifebeaters or anything like that... ok well glad to hear the cathater experience wasn't too much... I've seen one being done and kegel muscles were cringing all over on my part...

The Grunt said...

Scary~ You just won a free CD! I will get working on that one. I figure a little sampler CD of all the different types of music I've made through the years would be appropriate.

Jules~ The T-shirts will come and I figure that the first ones will be fairly basic. I just want to get something started. Later on I might call on the help of a couple who I know that are pros at this stuff.

Vera~ I was listening to some Camel that day. I can do that shirt for you so long as you don't mind having it done with a Sharpie.

Logo~ I hear that is what people crossing the border have to say as well.

Ebezp~ I like visiting, but it is good to know that people will come here. It would have been a kick ass time to have had you at the concert, mate.

Nessa~ Oh, I just kind of blurted out something that I'd been wanting to do for a long time. So, you found out when everyone else did.

Serena~ Cool. When they are ready to go I will be more than happy to see you wearing one.

Keshi~ Thanks! It does feel good to know that people are thinking of me.

O-Girl~ You are only allowed to have wardrobe malfunctions around me.

Scary~ Oh, there has to be a TIGF shirt. It's required.

David~ Since you are a person who knows how horrible chemo is I know I can take stock in what you say. Thanks! BTW, Tangerine Dream days go hand in hand with Can and Kraftwerk days.

Scott~ Very cool. I knew you would be catching the trio when they made their way back home.

Celeste~ You tell me which TIGF you liked the best and I will see what I can do.

Lucy~ Welcome! I will check out your blog soon. I should have added what you added just to keep people from worrying, but I did actually fall down four times that day. It was awful. Well, you just get right back up when that happens. I'm doing much better now. Oh yeah, I love Pavement. That means I already like ya.

Cora~ You and Hubby are a great strength to me. I will have to email about the concert in more detail.

Scary~ You just won another prize! I have some cool pennies. How 'bout those?

Chandra~ Well, when life goes all crazy like this you find out a lot of things; some bad and some really good.

vera said...

i love camel!!!
seriously... they're superb!

Sun Follower said...

Grunt... SORRY I've been a little MIA - I had a challenging couple weeks - both personally and professionally. However... I can tell you this: Kinko's/FedEx will take a photo, print-out, hand drawing whatever you present them on paper and transfer it to a T-Shirt. I think it costs around $10 per transfer... just a little info to pass along.

Think of you and sending you lots and lots and lots of everything good :)

Clearlykels said...

:-) Get lots of sleep. It is good for you.