Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The new me. Randomness. The knighting of JJ McFatty.

The New Me:

I got up real early and mowed the lawn, went and got my last Nuepogen shot of this round, came back and did some trimming, then was inspired to keep up the buzzing theme of the day. So, how do you like it? My side profile is really good, but I didn't take a photo of that. I've already had three women make passes at me. All were over fifty, but that isn't something to be ashamed of. I can't decide if I'm Kojack, Captain Jean-Luc Picard, or "American History X". Help me out here. I do have a pair of classic black Docs, but I am totally Benetton when it comes to people. So, skinhead is definitely not what I'm diggin' here.

The Random:

My brother was all excited about a new Mountain Dew that came out recently. It is called "Mountain Dew: Game Fuel". Both my brother and I are subscribers to a few Mountain Dew related magazines and periodicals, such as, Dewboy, Mountain Dew Monthly, and my favorite: Dew Fancy. Anyway, I asked him if he had tried it and he said no. I said to him that it was a shame because he was quite the gamer. He replied that he hadn't been playing as much as he used to. I then asked him, "So, you gonna let that keep you from trying out this new drink?" I really think he believed that this drink was so specialized that drank while boating might involve hitting icebergs in the Gulf of Freaking Mexico. Who knows? You just might explode a testicle or an ovary if not gaming whilst drinking such potent caffeinated mixtures.

The Knighting:

There are times when a person proves him or herself for the cause of a nation. It is rare that I do such things, but the nation of Gruntonia will recognize JJ McFatty's sacrifice of offering his first-born child for its cause and peaceful reign. I, Lord Gruntolamore, do hereby confer upon JJ McFatty the rights, responsibilities, and kickbacks of Knight of the Kingdom of Gruntonia. From here on he will be referred to as "Sir McFatty". Respect!

You can all stop bowing now and head on to the buffet. I got popcorn shrimp!



21 comments:

Logophile said...

Captain Picard?
Mmmmm, maybe
I'd make more passes at you but ya know, Mr. Logo gets all twitchy.

As for JJ, can't I just keep calling him the freak in Portland?
With all due respect, of course

goldennib said...

Your newly naked noggin looks nifty. Bald headed men are sexy.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

You look FABULOUS!!!! ;)

I'm curious about this special Mountain Dew. I'm gonna look for it now.

Congrats to Sir McFatty.

Christie said...

If he starts making me call him Sir McFatty in bed, I am so gonna kick your ass!

Spacecake said...

O MY GOOOOOD (with Janice-voice from FRIENDS)!

Hey I never knew what you looked like before. You're totally Britney Spears. I'm telling you. You should make a movie "Not Another Britney Spears" -- you could star in it yourself. I have great business ideas. You'd be rich, trust me. Like that one guy who I told to get "surfboard" tattooed across his chest and then people could rent him and use him for surfing.

Yes, brilliance, that's what I'm all about.

Or then you could just go with American History X :].

Army boots? I haz a pair.

Photogirl said...

Yes!! I freakin love popcorn shrimp!

I'm digging the look, but then I've always had a thing for shaved heads. As long as you have strong features to pull it off, which you do. Way to rock it!

blog Portland said...

I daresay there is not a more befitting look for a king than to showcase his spectacularly gleaming orb of a head. I shall at once send my squire to tend to your undoubtedly hefty waxing and polishing needs.

Also, know that henceforth I will be collecting a meager pittance of taxes from this great land's inhabitants, in the form of site visits and unhygienic wenches.

EBEZP said...

Oh I'm just here looking for the unhygienic wenches! Oh I've got no chance the King's bald!!

Melliferous Pants said...

Hey you! I'm in Utah...ack!

Jules said...

Zzzzzzzzing!!! You look incredible Matty! I love you bald!!

I solemly swear as a member of the village of Gruntonia to respect Sir McFatty. RESPECT!!

Corn Dog said...

You are totally hot. Having said that - yes, I'm over 50. Sigh. What does it mean?

Tys on Ice said...

Now, thats a lot of face...

Clearlykels said...

Bald is beautiful and totally the way to go. I'm glad you did this!

Also, seriously Mountain Dew-- that much caffeine would have me bouncing off the walls and driving everyone nuts.

I'm the girl who gets hot chocolate instead of coffee.

Scary Monster said...

WTF? Me takes some shore leave and you be showing up as Capitain Yul Brenner?

Damn Grunt Me tryin not to laugh, but you could pass as me kid brother.

Stay Stompy and be the Grunt.

Bald heads get head and goils love to rub the stubble.

STOMP.

P.S. no rush on the discs me friend. we got plenty of time to do this.

PPS~ Me considered running away from home today and joining the Mormon Tabernacle Circus.

Love.

Beth said...

I have no idea what you're talking about with those titles.... but I am from the bushy side of Gruntonia....

I personally think you look as though you just got back from Iraq or where that war is going on.....You look like a mighty might solider.

I think you should wax your head, grow a goatee and wear all black, without any logos or signs. Turtle necks preferable. And get a black crow feather, make an ear out of it and where it in your right ear.

Have your notice that bald men sweat more?

leelee said...

you look hot..and I'm not even 50 ...yet ;-)

Airam said...

The hair ... I mean lack of hair looks great. You've got a nice shaped head (as weird as that sounds).

Sun Follower said...

SKinhead? NO way! Sing with me "I'm.... too sexy for my blog, too sexy for my blog" :) hang in, we're all with you *hugs*

vera said...

i luff your squishable head Grunto...

xxxxxxxxx
vera

Mayden' s Voyage said...

Ohhh...my, my, my, my, my...as we say here in the south-
Mmmmm-good!
You are more handsome than ever! :)
And T is almost as bald- so he won't argue with me :)

lol-
Hugs friend...and I would hug A LOT if you were within grabbin' distance- ;)

:) -me

Karyn said...

Never saw a better looking head, kid.

Is it wrong that all I can think of is George from Seinfeld talking about how he wanted to dip his head in warm oil and rub it all over his girl-du-jour?

You had great hair; but I'm glad you did this. Fuck cancer.