Monday, August 13, 2007

Excedrin for Humpback Whales (A post from a defunct blog of mine)

Ok, imagine you are outside walking around minding your own business. Out from the clouds a loud, booming voice is broadcast frantically, saying, "Aieeeeee! Shut up! You are giving me a friggin headache, you jerk! Why won't you stop? I'm in so much pain right now!" This would be pretty perplexing, no?

Still with me here? Good.

I was thinking about whale researchers who blast back whale songs in order to illicit a response back from the whales or the mighty sea unicorn, if you believe in such things (I do). Well, I found out recently that submarines and other sea going vessels give whales headaches. So, I did a little hypothetical thinking. I usually don't try to do too much of that sort of thing on an empty stomach, but what the hell. Here's what I hypothesized: Some of the whale songs recorded are actually whales complaining from massive headaches caused by the vessels recording them. Not having to adhere to any scientific standard kind of helps in this case.

Further, I thought that the rebroadcast of the "I've got a headache this big" whale songs back to the whales, or better yet, to new and unsuspecting whales would really mess with them. I mean, that has got to be a trip to be bombarded with screams coming outta nowhere.

Just for fun I came up with a whale headache haiku:
Throbbing veins in head.
Where is that sound coming from?
Please kill me, Bubba.

I end all my haiku with "Bubba". It's my signature. Plus, Bubba is totally a whale name and you know it.

Peace out.

Oh yeah, JJ McFatty (Blog Portland) deemed me worthy of honor and recognition of my "specialness". This is probably the one blogger reward that means the most to me, even if it is retarded.
Ima Speshul Blawger!


blog Portland said...

Nobody deserves it as much as you do... except of course the 4 others I gave it to. But you're my favorite; just don't tell them. With that said, feel free to pay it forward.

Logophile said...

You R Sooper Spechul!
I have no milk in the house for my morning tea, I think I may have just lost my will to live with that realization,
But its been good knowing you.

Scary Monster said...

There be nobody who deserves this award more'n you, Cap'n.

Sorry me missed the last post. There be many ways in which me could compare me brain and me penis.

keep on puttin out the haiku, bubba. You be one whale of a blogger.


"K" Fingerett said...

Dear Mr. Grunt Man,

I feel bad for poor Bubba... Crazy researchers- they make Bubba and his friends hurt...

I'd like to see the "mighty sea unicorn"...

Oh, and congrats on your award ^_^

And thanks for stopping by! I'm glad you liked the puppy picture ^_^ oh and-- define "trouble" exactly :P

Well, gotta run!



Clearlykels said...

poor whales. No one wants a headache.

ADW said...

Hmmm, will this theory work for crazy mad in-law pets while one is dogsitting? I need a new way to torture her animals, the fake food isn't doing it for me like it was before.

I likee your bloggee.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

You are the truly the most sooper dooper speshulist blawger I know. Anyone who can write a whale headache haiku is vewy, vewy speshul!

I pity those poor whales. That's how I feel when I am having one of my headaches in the classroom.

Jules said...


Yeah, that would mess with their heads, I'd imagine!

Now, on the other hand. If a whale were to scream out sex sounds as they got off, would hearing the sex sounds played back just make them get a big raging hard on again? How big IS a whale's dink, anyway?

Serena Joy said...

Whale haiku!

Congrats on the award. I "think.":-)

Keshi said...

U R SO SPECIAL GRUNTY! Or else I wont be thinking of u every single day???


LOL @last pic!


Scott said...

I always knew you were 'special'

Hope that you are keeping well.

The Grunt said...

JJ~ I knew it! I am not only special, I'm sooper speshul!!!

Logo~ See, you even confirmed it.

Scary~ I always thought you loved me for my big tits.

K~ You are trouble, that's what;)

Kels~ Save the whales; give them Excedrin.

ADW~ You know, you could always try sonar on house pets. I'm sure that the unintended side effects might be soiled carpet, so be careful. Oh, and welcome to my blogee!

O-Girl~ Whale headaches are big, but I don't know if they are teacher big.

Jules~ Looks like someone has cock on their brain. It will be alright. Just stay away from the zuchinnis.

Serena~ Yeah, I think it was a compliment.

Keshi~ Now I feel even more special!

Scott~ I'm keeping my course. I started to feel almost normal today, then I realized that my next treatment is tomorrow. Bleh! Anyway, it just means I am closing the gap.