Monday, July 31, 2006

Screw Compton: This shit is straight outta "The Lost Horizon"


I think the lion in this here scene is super pissed that Jesus is there. I mean, you can see the conflict in his eyes, "When is it ok to eat these kids? 'Cause, I'm f#*@kin' hungry right now. Seriously, I could eat the ass end of an elephant this instant!" This is just plain animal cruelty.

Meanwhile, Lord Jesus, astronaut, magician, wine maker, is showing off again. The lion seems to be the only one aware that our savior is cockeyed. He's thinking that there might be a chance to snatch one of these paradise kids while he's in Jesus' blind spot.

It's obvious that Jesus is telling some kind of story and he's not even looking at these kids. What's up with that anyway? Are we in some magical paradise or Neverland Ranch here? I think that it isn't a story that Jesus is on about here. I think he's discussing the third phase of development of his 'Coaster park. You can't lure in enough of the little ones, I guess.

On Paradise Earth they have the Epcot Center. No one can give blood or celebrate Christmas, but who the freak cares....WE GOT THE F--KING EPCOT CENTER, WHOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah, right after this painting was done the lion helped himself to the little black girl. No one really seemed to care. The lion shrugged his shoulders in a "Sorry, my bad" kind of way, then they all hit the golden slip'n'slide. Fun times were had all around. Jesus walked right into a tree. His eye surgery is scheduled for this next Thursday.

14 comments:

Sun Follower said...

Jesus and company look like they've been made-over by the Queer Eye for the Straight Savior dudes.

Scott said...

That looks like the land of OZ behind Jesus there.

Scott

vera said...

That's not Jesus!
That's Treat Williams... He's training with Siegfried & Roy... The "little children" are circus mates!
Ehm... Pass the bong...

Pokey said...

This post had my ass crackin' up. I just got funny looks from all my co-workers.

goldennib said...

That's Clarence the Cross-eyed Lion. He's not really mean. And Jesus is cross-eyed because he sees all, everywhere.

Photogirl said...

Oh my god that is SO funny!

Logophile said...

You jerk!
You complete ASSHAT!
How dare you??
You know,
you can go too far, ok.
There are lines that should NOT be crossed.
Letting lions eat lil Black girls is just NOT ok!!

Güggs said...

LMBO!!!

Wait a minute. Is that Wonder Woman's headband? Is Hey-sus going to spin and transform with his magical bracelets and gold lasso to wrestle that hungry cat?

"K" Fingerett said...

Wow. Nice find ^_^ I've been gone from your site too long.

I have a few more of your entires to read so I'll get to it once I'm done here.

Oh and ::poke:: ^_^ but no poking back, thats just wrong...

Back to the picture, what is that one girl(?) pointing to in the back there? Why are they all so happy? Why a lion? And why does Jesus remind me of that scary guy from the (old?) burger king ad(s) on tv?


~K

Gentleman-hobbs said...

Mr Lion is going to give Mrs Lion a southpaw swing for letting the mormans in that's for sure.

The Grunt said...

Sun Follower~ Nice to see you here. I've seen you at other blogs. I hope you stick around--we have too much fun here. Yes, the Queer Eye has gone Celestial!

Scott~just tap your feet three times...

Vera~ Treat Williams has to earn a living just like the rest of us, and if that means pretending to be Jesus, then I think we should cut him some slack.

Pokey!!! Where have you been??? I missed you. It's been like forever and a day. Good to have one of my first crop return to the fold. Now where's Maura and RJW?

I don't think Maura would like this post.

Goldie~ you've just discovered his secret. You may now sit upon the right hand of Grunt. My lap is occupied by W.A.S. Yeah, it's code.

Celeste~you are now an official regular here. I will hang your jersey on my sidebar as soon as I feel like messing with my template.

Logo~go fuck yourself;) Take your time doing it too.

Guggs~How did you get a window into my sexual fantasies? I've met Linda Carter, btw. Seriously good looking woman. Totally sold me off of blonds.

"K"~I don't get the poke references, but I really like the attention. I guess I can't remember what I write sometimes. Your analysis is correct. Scary Burger King guy is in fact Jesus Double Whopper Christ!

G-Hobbs~It's not so much a Mormon Jesus thing here. I'll do that one in the future. This is a Jehovah Witness ideal of Paradise Earth. I love their art work. It makes me laugh. I have so many defaced Watchtowers it is not funny. I am not knocking their religion as much as that same damn artist that they employ every time.

Mormon Jesus is a sexy Jesus. He wants to sex you up and then make you repent afterward. He also is a quicker picker upper than Bounty, for he is none other than the Brawny towel guy! Either that or Magnum P.I.

Melliferous Pants said...

Mormon Jesus sure IS sexy!

Photogirl said...

Sweet! You are now officially listed as well :-)

Karyn said...

Sold. I'm so linking this blog to mine.

I'm with Scott & Guggenflurgen. That totally IS Wonder Woman's headband (I should know, I had one- and wore it - when I was a kid) and indeed, the Land of Oz is in its bubblesphere behind them. Hey. Maybe it's the Cowardly Lion we see here? The Jesus figure looks brainless and hey, maybe that little girl in back is pointing up at the wicked witch, flying on high? I don't know about the Tin Man or Dorothy. It's early. I cannot possibly be expected to have all the answers at this hour.

How did JC get his nightgown so snowy white? Did they have bleach or Tide with Bleach Alternative or OxyClean back in ancient Jerusalem? Or lush green botanical gardens for that matter? Because excepting the Olive Trees, I was under the impression Israel is largely a freaking desert.

Argh. More coffee.