It must be the George Kastanza in me: I figured out a way to get free meals at Panda Express. This, in theory, could work at similar joints with food bins.
Here's how you do it: Wait for five minutes before closing time, walk into the store and go straight for the bathroom--hide in there. Now you're saying, "This is so stupid. Grunt, you're so stupid." Bear with me. You synchronize your watch to their clock and wait to hear for the tell tail signs of closing up shop--registers being closed, doors. etc. Then you pull a David Copperfield and show up at the counter and order the food that they are about to throw away. I did this tonight. The guy agreed to let me have whatever was there, but no drinks. So, there was a batch of Kung Pow and Orange Chicken that was pretty fresh. This was going to be thrown out anyways, so I was doing them a favor.
Now you're saying, "Grunt, you're a genius. I want to have your children!!!" Men, you may ignore the last sentence and use this instead, "I want to let you have my hot 22-year-old girlfriend and my 911 turbo!!!"
It gets better. My fortune cookie read: "An admirer finds you charming" (what, as opposed to "finds you appalling and horrible in the sack?"). This is particularly refreshing, because the last Chinese restaurant I went to gave me this fortune cookie message: "Your nuts weer shriver up and you'rr goring to die arr arone, rooser. Bwahahahahahaha!!!" I think that fortune was (#1) too nasty, (#2) racist, and (#3) how'd it know about my steroid abuse?
3 years ago