I uttered the phrase, "I blew it", and then kind of took off in my truck. It sounds like a bad thing, but it wasn't. Not paralleling the movie, I did not sell out so I could have "freedom", freedom that becomes a prison. No, I just admitted to myself that I have messed up in my life, considerably. I am being more honest about this now to people in my personal life here where I live. It is slowly paying off. No more fortress of pride.
After this confession, I took a long ride in Clyde: my "fuckup" truck. I had to stop to say hello to my boys (someone's horses) and moo at the cows (that's like one of my top-ten things to do). It used to not be that far away, but now you do have to drive a bit to get to the country. I, of course, am not a country boy, but I do appreciate certain aspects of it. My mind breathes better out there, unless a five year old is darting out in front of me on a 500cc Quad bike. What is up with that shit? He wasn't even wearing a helmet.
I am trying to forgive myself. I am either hot or cold when it comes to achievement. I'm ready to stay hot, but not burn out. I guess I'm going to sizzle enough to get the job done.
It's good to have friends. It's good to have strange, erotic dreams, and root beer floats are the bee's knees. I'm not going to worry about my past. I'll be too busy flying down a two-lane black top enjoying the present and looking forward to what is around the next corner. Too busy to get too weighed down with the cares of my past and the world.
It's all metaphorical and stuff.
4 years ago