Tuesday, May 22, 2007

JUMANJI!!!

Where are all the animals? I feel so disillusioned now.

I had a dream about John Voight's daughter last night. It all went down in a church. I like those kinds of dreams.

Gum seems to find its way onto the bottom of my shoes lately. I think I've had about enough of that.

Full Throttle "Blue Demon" is now my favorite drink. I can feel those kidney stones forming as we speak.

I know a guy that just got married and it's only been a month and a half and he's gained 30 pounds. I'd at least wait a year before I let myself go.

Rib eye steaks are damn tasty. Porterhouse are top notch as well. New York Strip is good if I'm feeling lean. However, Sirloin really needs to step up if it wants to get back on my dinner plate.

I am vowing to never again trust the neighbor's dog. I thought he was totally on my side until he shit on my lawn. Cooper, I thought we were friends but you had to go ahead and make me miserable. Now I have gum and dog shit on my boots.

I wish I could love when I want and then get away from it when convenient. That is selfish, I know. It isn't how I behave, but I certainly have had that thought.

One more co-worker of mine has had a spouse die. It happened last night. I have been to too many funerals in the past two months. What in the hell is happening?

I used "to", "too", and "two" in a sentence. I rock!

I'm tired so I will now go and dream of large women.

12 comments:

Mayden's Voyage said...

Hugs Grunt~
Are the large women tall- or round?
I don't know why I asked that. I guess I could delete it...but I won't~
;)

Logophile said...

Cooper waited till the gum effect was in control to start that, he is a scheming bastard, watch him.

You are a homonym ninja!

Outdoorsy Girl said...

I, too, think that you are too cool to have used that homonym more than two times in one sentence!

I have to comment on this comment of yours: "I wish I could love when I want and then get away from it when convenient. That is selfish, I know. It isn't how I behave, but I certainly have had that thought."

If I still drank, I'd do a toast to that, for you stole those thoughts from right inside my head! So here's what I've come up with...I'm going to marry a traveling salesman! He comes home and gives me love and then he goes away again, leaving me the freedom to do my adventuring. If he's as cool as me, I might let him come along occasionally. And at least the little time we spend together will be good quality. That's my solution.

Maybe you could marry one,too. Or you could marry a traveling sales WOMAN instead. :)

goldennib said...

Are there such things as heteronyms? What would they look like?

chandra said...

Aww I knew it couldn't be to long before I got you dreaming about me haha!

Seriously another one bites the dust, God what is in the water lately? I must stop drinking it.

Jumanji=Good movie! Creepy but good.

U would wait a year before you let yourself go, that's better then most men.. and women.

Jules said...

Did you say to her: "My, what big lips you have!" and did she reply "All the better to lick you with, my dear!"???

Dogs that shit on lawns suck, but worst than that is the female pee. It's so acidic that it leaves brown spots, kills the grass. But yeah, gum and shit on your shoe does suck. Perhaps you should create a new soda flavor from this experience. Some people like some straaaaange stuff out there in the world.

... but I wouldn't be your taste tester.

Jules said...

Hey, Lord McNotty Pants... can you please change your sidebar video?!? I want to vomit everytime I see that thing.

Sun Follower said...

I am a firm believer in shoe-gum karma. Once I stopped spitting gum out wherever on the sidewalk or street- I stopped stepping in it. My hand to God!

The Grunt said...

Cora~ They are the large women spoken of in "The Princess Bride".

Logo~ Waaaaaaaaaaaaa-hiya!

O-girl~ You may just be onto something there.

Nessa~ I don't know, but I am sure they'd be saying that homonyms were a crime against nature and having silly rallies.

Chandra~ Well, I might have to pencil you into my dream tonight. How's that sound?

Jules~ To be a taste tester you'd need to first have taste. Oooh, no he didn't!

Jules (again~ I will change it when I find something good.

Sun~ That actually makes a lot of sense. I will try that from now on.

Jules said...

Oooohhh, yes he did! *tsk tsk*

Karyn said...

Dude you totally made ninja noise!

I love this post. But I'm sorry about the funeral. And the crap. And the gum.

The Grunt said...

Thanks, Karyn. The ninja noise just comes naturally to me.