I wish I were talking about the comedian, Emo Philips, but unfortunately this isn't a TIGF!!! in a good way. Sorry for the streak of TIGF in a bad way posts. Well, the last one was pretty cool. I guess I am going to have to devote some time discussing pussy hair, and I am not talking about "Brazillians" or tabbies.
Oh, you'd like it very much if that's what I was going to talk about, perverts! No, I must discuss a problem with society that only I, Senior Grunty, can tackle.
This is what I am talking about:
Why on earth would someone put lard in their hair and stand out in the sun? That's what it looks like to me, at least. It's like it freakin' melted that way. Then there are the ones that are all messed up and pointy on the top. I was perplexed by this trend and decided to look into this matter further. What I found really made sense.
Emo hairstyles originated in Burbank California and New Jersey (home of all bad hairstyles) concurrently. It must have been, what I call, "The America Ass Cheek Trend Phenomenon", where the coasts start to form an ass first and later the asshole develops somewhere in the Midwest. Seniors, cool kids, jocks, and lunch ladies were having their way with the effeminate and disaffected outcasts in their high schools. After enduring years, decades, of swirlies and other humiliating (read hilarious) hazings, some of these kids with the most tender and emotive souls started to speak out for the rest of their oppressed kind. They began to let their hair dry exactly the way the "Standard" urinal or crap trap styled it. It was a sign of their solidarity.
Before you know it they were writing songs in unmanly and annoying whines that seemed to tell girls that they just might know what it is like to get their period, but not quite. It is in this acknowledgment of empathy that the emo lead singer has his key to the princess' pleasure palace. Somehow, the rest of the band just seems like dudes who just need a gig and so they go along with it.
Whatever it is that keeps this going on (thanks "bad" Peter Parker) I must admit that I really had bad hair in high school. I couldn't decide which actor from the movie "River's Edge" I wanted to be like most, so I tried a bit of all. I ended up having more of the "Crispin" instead of the "Keanu". I think this is why my supply of hot ass tapping was very limited--limited to unruly goth chicks. Ah, the folly of youth.
4 years ago