Wednesday, May 30, 2007

My brother is really, really weird...and so am I

Just for fun I thought I'd share with you something that I found to be hilariously disturbing. My brother has a ton of old records, VHS, and DVD's. Whenever I need to find something like that I go to him first to see if he has it. Well, he keeps meticulous records/inventory of all his collections. I decided to help myself to one of his catalogs and see if I could find the movie Easy Rider. What I did find had me totally scratching my head while laughing my ass off.

This is what I found.

"A list of funny word combinations that you can try on a dead bird or a mailbox."

  1. Monkey Onions.
  2. Potato Beans.
  3. Salty Logs.
  4. Bongo Chips.
  5. Onion Mints.
  6. Nose Candy (not really funny and is already a name for cocaine).
  7. Boing Boing (not original, but funny sounding if you think about it long enough).
  8. Birdy Birdy (running out of ideas).
  9. Monkey Heifer (anything is funny with the word "monkey" in it).
  10. Anal Claus (what kind of toys are in his sack?)
  11. Banana Glasses.
  12. Albatross Tacos.
  13. Naughty Beans.
  14. Monkey Things (monkey!)
  15. Yeah, Pointy Pointy!
Above all of this scribbling, my brother wrote a thought balloon coming from the sheet of paper itself. Here is what the piece of paper had to say: "So, this is how you treat me after two-hundred years of living in the forest?"

To be fair, here is an excerpt from a religious publication that featured the nativity, of which I so proudly defaced awhile back: "All of a sudden three men walk into the room bearing gold, frankincense, and myrrh. I sat there with my wife and kid with a complete look of horror as the sheepdog mounts a lamb right in front of the men. Well, I guess we all just kind of laughed it off and got piss drunk. The end."

It gets better, or worse, depending on your viewpoint. I must include something that I wrote in my Franklin Covey Day Planner from 1997.

Under "Record of Conversation": "Oh, yes! Why, I converse daily with my records."
Project: "Slap Happy"
Subject: "The correct use of slaps whilst one is happy."
With: "My dear friend, Fredrick Stole, better known as, 'Crackie the Fucked up Clown'."
Telephone: "Depends on whether he's over that whole 'fixation' paraphiliac phase."
Meeting at: "The Angry Pharaoh Funeral Home for Tyrants and Pat Robertson Look-Alikes."
By: "The Seaside Rendezvous Hotel."
Date: "Back in college. We were curious."
Topic Discussed: "Proper slapping posture and technique."
Action: "Slight rotation of wrist while making contact."

Within ruled notebook area:

(A sketch of a crazy floating head, who appears before a balding man wearing glasses, a sweater, and sporting round prescription glasses)

Crazy Floating Head: "I am a floating head who is afraid of heights and social situations. So, I'm rarely seen by crowds or in the sky. I also have a large penis."

Balding Man: "You're also a compulsive liar!"

Hey, I didn't say that any of this would make any sense.

Here's my challenge to three people of whom I will officially tag (something that I don't normally do, but what the hell): Use the "Franklin Covey" format as used above and come up with your own brand of silliness to share with us on your blogs. I choose Scary Monster, Logo, and Vera to carry this out for me. If Vera is no longer with us in a blogging capacity, then I pick Jules. Go have fun with this. Anyone else is welcome to do this as well.

The more obtuse and abstract the better. We're shooting for pure and utter nonsense here, folks.


vera said...

i am with the blogging world. just a little bit... uninspired...
uhhh, you've officially broken that trance...
i will post by the weekend :)

vera said...

Oooo, I was so excited that I have already written it out. I just have to wait until I get home to publish it on my blog.

Scary Monster said...

Give me a day or two Cap'n. Me got a bit of work to do with the new browser and Me gotta bribe the vixen to do it. She be reading Japanese a whole lot better n Me.

The Grunt said...

Well, at least I still have you guys.

Logophile said...

Utter nonsense, aye!
Logo reporting for obtuseness and abstractedness as requested.

goldennib said...

This is like a Mad Libs. I may try this when I actually write something again.

I love your brother's word combos. I found some of the strangely disturbing.

PS: My mother took me, age 10, a friend of mine, same age and my brother, age 7 to see Deliverance. She thought it was a religious film. She did not have enough hands to cover all of our eyes, so I got to see the naughty bits. And for some reason she did not think of just leaving the theater.

chikken said...

Too much fun! You guys don't scare me at all. In fact, I think I might be your sister. Oh, yeah. I am. Love ya, bro!


Did you text me the dutch thingy on my cell phone?

Keshi said...

quite unorthodox but very yeah u guys arent wierd at all! :)


Jules said...

Ummm.... HUH? ;O)

Jules said...

Oh GOD, THANK YOU VERA for getting me off the hook!

The Grunt said...

Nessa~ Yeah, Madlibs, that's just exactly the way I see it. That is supremely funny about your "Deliverance" experience. I can't imagine what it would have been like being exposed to all that as a kid.

Chikken~ Right on! Yeah, you can be my sister, there's always room for more.

Keshi~ Yeah, that's the ticket!

Jules~ Moooo!

Clearlykels said...

It sounds like you laugh a lot-- obviously, that is the way to go:-)

Logophile said...

ok, I did it