Wednesday, May 09, 2007

My 35th birthday was supreme!

I took the day off of work and puttered around the yard, played my guitar, sang my songs, had a really big hamburger with a Coke and fries, bought some stuff for my guitars, bought some clothes, then had an absolute pleasure of a night seeing Morrissey in concert with someone very cool.

I don't look or feel my age one bit. Most people take me for 25-27. I am a late, late bloomer. Or as I like to say: I suffer from "Dick Clark Disease". I feel miles better about myself at 35 than I ever did at 25 or 30. I am better with women than I ever have been in the past. I'm not talking about sexy stuff. I am talking about interacting with and listening to them. It gets me in trouble from time to time and I have to ask for forgiveness quite often. I sometimes will go further with my flirting than I intend and it can cause problems. Well, sometimes I don't even really know what I want. The thing that is funny is that with some girls that I really like I tend to be real efficient with my language. This isn't always the case, but I have notice it in some instances.

It is a really good feeling to know that I can still get scared (in a good way) when meeting someone. It is a hard feeling when friendships might be in jeopardy because of misunderstandings. I thank God for forgiveness and people's willingness to forgive me for the things that I do. I don't always say what I feel, even though I can express myself deeply. I don't always hear what you really mean when I listen. Sometimes I do what I think is right, contrary to what others feel is best. Sometimes I don't stick to my guns, but I sure as hell am betting on myself from now on.

I don't know what my next year in my life will bring, but I know that I don't have to carry my past around with me anymore. That is a huge relief. I did that for too long and it was totally unnecessary. I feel like I am in a place of humble Zen now. I haven't got my shit together, but the base is strong. I can do much and I can excel in what I do. I don't have to worry about being a bit of a pauper anymore. I have all I need to become a king. I just need to realize it. My faith has come around again and I never thought I'd be feeling this way now. I have that childlike uncertainty and innocence again and am willing to be led by my hand by a willing master, a caring soul, or someone who I might have thought was too good for me before.

I can't do it on my own--not what I need to do, that is. Isolation and a tough facade only brought me isolation and tough times. I was so silly to have harbored my pain, surrounded it with layers of defenses and excuses. If I can be honest about the failures and embarrassments of my life to people that are around me, and "persons of interest", then I think I will be better able to grow past those moments and get on with my life.

I want to give you all a great big hug right now.

13 comments:

goldennib said...

You are so sweet, you dork. Happy Birthday. Your post is so optimistic - the best present you could give yourself.

Mayden's Voyage said...

Happy, Happy Brithday dear Grunt :)
Tim's is today (9th, he's 38).
For some reason it doesn't surprise me that your b-days are so close.

There's more I want to say- but I have to scoot...just wanted you to know I send good thoughts your way- and I'd return the hug if I could :)
(((HUGS)))
Hope the rest of your week is as special as your b-day was~
:)

heatherfeather said...

happy birthday gruntums!

Scary Monster said...

Hey there Cap'n. This is the most positive post me has read in quite a long time. Me be extremely happy to hear that you feel the streams of lifes energies unknotting themselves and flowing smoothly for you. If you think things are going well for you now, keep up the good vibes and see just how much better things can get in the future.

Shut up and play yer guitar!
Happy Stompday!!

Princess Banter said...

That's awesome -- age is just a number anyway. How you really feel and perceive yourself as is what other people will see as well :)

Logophile said...

mwah!
Glad it was good.
Gonna be a great year!

Christielli said...

I love the way that you spent your day. :)

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Are you sure that it is your looks or your maturity level that people mistake to believe you are in your 20s? HAHAHAHA! ;)

Glad you had a good birthday!

Keshi said...

HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ Happy 35th hunker! ;-)

**I feel miles better about myself at 35 than I ever did at 25 or 30.

I agree...with age, we keep feeling better n better abt ourselves. And hell yeah u dun look 35 at all...I used to think u must be 26 or 27.


I dun wanna carry my past with me either but sometimes I do...it's just me. I can be quite broody at times.

Anyways Im glad u had a great bday Grunty!


Keshi.

Jules said...

OMG... that hug just about melted me in my tracks! Strictky delicious... this new outlook on life is! You're the epitomy of gorgeous, now, you unstoppable king, you! ((squish))

The Grunt said...

Nessa~ Thanks! I don't mind being a silly hearted dork. I mean, you like me because of it.

Cora~ I sent Tim a happy birthday email. I told him to rock his bass!

Heather!!!~ I am so happy to see you around again. Thanks for the birthday wishes.

SM~ I know. I get so positive when I know that I am further along on a one-way ticket to a dirt nap. That's life and I like it!

Princess~ You are so right and I am comfortable in my skin.

Logo~ I feel that way too.

Christielli~ It was a great day. I highly recommend having them:D

O-Girl~ Well, I keep telling people that very same thing. In fact, I went around telling people that I am old enough to vote, when they asked how old I was. It doesn't matter that they don't know that I have been old enough to vote for eons.

Keshi~ I actually am better looking at 35 than 25. I have been told that my features have become more regal and god like. This is what Sean Connery must have gone through, surely.

Jules~ I liked the squishy part.

Karyn said...

What day was your actual birthay? The 9th? Oh dear.

This is a great post and I believe this birthday set the tone for a new, fabulous chapter in your life.

I'm psyched to be along for the ride. Big ol' East Coast hugs backatcha, baby.

Keshi said...

I agree...men look better with age.

:)
Keshi.