Saturday, September 23, 2006

Some stuff that gets stuck in my noggin, cloggin up my stream



I took shit from a mountain grill and turned it into gold. The coffee was bitter, the buns were day old. I watched some ducks destroy a koi fish. They couldn't figure what to do with it, 'cept gum it to death. The waitress' ring left green and high-lighted her tangerine hair.

American flag is what, exactly? That's what they call it, but it ain't American now, is it? North American? South American? Central American? American American? Ah, The Unitied States of America. So, there is a more united collective than that of the rest of the Americas? Is this something that is constantly audited? I mean, what if we ain't so united: Do we still get to keep the name and the gosh darn nifty flag? If we don't, who's gonna get to have the job of taking the old ones back? "Sorry mam, the country don't have no team spirit no more. Give me the damn flag back or I's gonna have ta arrest ya's."

Wow, I was in the "Wounded Goose" on assignment to gander, when all of a sudden I see this: The Speech Hut. I turn to my co-pilot and says, "Is that like the Pizza Hut....I wonder how good their delivery is?"

He looks at me, his captain, and replies, "I don't get it". I then continue on driving the Goose down the road, wondering when I'll get to be with my own kind.

A conversation between Socrates and Plato (female), whilst The Grunt eavesdrops:

Plato: "I need a damn calculator. Where's one I can use?"

Socrates: "Here's one. It's for adding up stuff. You use the big button for adding up stuff."

Plato (a bit mystified and disbelieving): "Well, I'm going to use it to multiply."

Socrates (with total conviction): "You're not supposed to multiply. My momma says not to multiply, just add. That's what the big button does."

Plato (sensing something here is very wrong): "Um, yeah. You ever go to school?"

Socrates (proudly): "Yeah, I graduated from high school in 1985. I was the football team manager. My momma says you are supposed to add those up, because when you multiply it comes out all different."

Plato (laughing): "Did you ever stop to think that your momma might be wrong?"

Socrates (defiantly gallant): "No."

Plato (defiantly doesn't give a shit about what momma says): "Well, I'm going to multiply mine."

Socrates (with latent astonishment): "I told you, you can't do that....wait, you can multiply?"

Plato (with calm from the storm of her giggling): "Yes, I do it all the time."

Socrates (thinks he's got it figured out again): "But, when you multiply 2 and 3 it comes out different than when you add them. You are only supposed to add is what my momma says."

Plato (with a tenative grasp on her manners and sanity): "Well, I think your momma tells only you to not multiply because you are too stupid to do anything other than add. People multiply all the time."

Grunt (making his entrance): "What in the hell are you dumb motha huckabee's arguing about now? Have you seen your boss around?"

Socrates: "She's out of town."

Plato (swooning): "Hey."

Grunt: "Socrates, your mother is out in the parking lot looking for you. Says she's got your jacket."

Socrates (exitedly): "I'm gonna go and get my momma to explain this stuff to you. She took care of our money when I did the carpet cleaning business."

Plato (looking from me to Socrates): "Whatever, just give me the calculator."

Grunt (growing impatient): "Do you guys know anything about a burnt-out ballast?"

Plato and Socrates: "?"

Grunt (with a slight, joking, yet dismissive tone): "Okay. See you later, meatbags."

Plato and Socrates (feeling the melancholy, seeing that the highlight of their day is almost over): "Bye."

Grunt (dipping his head back into the office doorway): "Oh, Socrates..."

Socrates: "Yeah?"

Grunt (knows better not to pick on him): "You know what? Your momma and pops made you an addition to their family through multiplication. What'd you think of that, superfriend?"

Socrates: "I don't get it."

Grunt (thinking/sighing): When will I get to be with my own kind?

11 comments:

Photogirl said...

is that where you live? i'm confused. which happens quite regularly these days :-P

The Grunt said...

See, I used to be well known for my posts of whatever random thoughts I had. The more absurd the better.

Celeste~ Naw, that's the mountain grill where I turned crap into gold (so to speak, or was it the other way around), and saw the ducks kill a fish. That was a pretty wild sight. That grill is usually quite good, but on that day I got the "ugly one that is old" for a waitress, and the food wasn't up to par. The flag bit was just me riffing on the flag in the picture. The rest was just random crap.

Spacecake said...

So this is what goes on in your head haha.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Dude, you are a one of a kind. There are no others. lol.

The grill looks familiar, but I am sure I never have eaten there.

If you ever go eat at that new place in Eden (that used to be the General Store) let me know if it any good. I worked a couple of days with one of my friends out there this summer trying to get that place clean. (My friend works for a cleaning company.) What a mess...SOO dusty! But it looked like it would be cool once it opened. I never did get to try it, though. If you ever go there, take a look at all those fans...I cleaned them and put light bulbs in them while delicately balancing myself on a very tall step ladder. I only broke one bulb, by the way. :)

Jules said...

I can just picture Plato swooning over you while Socrates scratches his head.

Great randomness, Grunty!

vera said...

the fly in my bowl is a cannibal.
think about it.
/vera

The Grunt said...

Spacecake~ Welcome again. Yes, these old time Gruntonians know full well what goes on in my head. I have just been holding back a bit to get more readers. I have noticed that some of you like me like this and others have kind of fled the ship. What can I say? I can't hold in my random thoughts forever. Expect the crazy to be a regular thing.

O-Girl~ I know exactly which place you cleaned. This one pictured is between Henefer and Morgan. The town is so small, and crammed into a tight canyon. It is easy to miss, and it bears the name of the grill and most of the families that live there: Taggart. I usually go there when I hit the Weber River fly fishing. That time I was hoping to catch some hot waitress action (those Taggarts seem to pump out/employ hottie after hottie). Well, no such luck that day. The whole "Lord of the Flies" duck on fish action was rather disturbing. I've never seen that kind of behavior from ducks.

Jules~ I think my random posts are the most beloved ones amongst my closest Gruntonians.

Vera~ Musca domestica is a friend of mine.

Güggs said...

When you get your own colony. And by "colony," I think you know what I mean...

Spacecake said...

Yay, bring it on!

Outdoorsy Girl said...

I actually helped out my friend with cleaning in the Henefer/Morgan areas. Maybe I did see this place.

If I had known about the hot waitresses, I'd have totally been there.

Sun Follower said...

I always thought Plato was a dude...