Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A man needs an ambassador to coach

Harold here is making a statement. His mother made him get rid of his old hearse and bought him a brand new (at the time) Jaguar. Harold just wasn't having it, so he fired up his hot wrench and started to coach it Goth style, 'cause that's how he rolls, see? This move did prove to get him some choice feline, if you get my aquatic motation. Now all the fools on the block say, "Damn, boy! Yo whip is all coached out y'all. Who's the fine woman of maturity in dere witchu?" You know you just waved your hands in the air with an attitude of ease and joyous exuberance. Just go with it.

So, this leads me to this:
Yeah, I have Clyde as my personal ambassador to all things that kick ass. I just got done getting out of a bog and some snow drifts (July 2006). Yeah, I know I look like a total hick. Don't be hating! I was on a fishing trip, so it's appropriate attire for the occasion.

This truck turns 29 this November. He was manufactured in November 1977, and is a 1978 K20 Heavy Duty 4x4. I could go into all the details ad nauseum, but I will consider my vast female readership and spare you the gushing. I bought him from my clueless brother in law, who bought it from the original owner: an old man who only put 70k on the odometer. I got it with 78k for 1.2k. It was all sorts of messed up though, body wise, and the mechanics were in need of attention. I welded in new floorboards, rocker panels, cab corners; replaced the front clip and driver's side door. I must admit that I was bitten by that junk yard dog.

I did get Clyde all gussied up and tried out a pretty trick galvanizing process on the bare metal with molten zinc and compressed air, before paint was shot. That was six years ago. Only the untreated areas are starting to blister. Pretty impressive, considering how much salt is used on the roads here in the Winter. The old 350 is getting tired now and I'm looking into getting a stroked 415-427 ci. small block, in order to get some serious power in a lightweight, fuel efficient package. I've got a kid that I helped out, while his dad up and left them, who is now an ASE certified mechanic (the kid), that is willing to give me the hook up. He was giving me ideas on direct port fuel injection retrofits, how to set it up for ethanol, and said he could do the programming for me. I see what I want and it is only just a matter of this: $$$.

Why not buy a new truck? Well, I love all trucks, to tell you the truth. It's just that Clyde and I have been to so many places--not to mention that it is just plain erotic fun to take a well endowed woman for a ride in him, bouncy, bouncy! Seriously, just look at this pic:
This pic was made possible because of Clyde. That trail had an abandoned Explorer and only some ATV riders were braving the muddy clay. We are talking seven miles of mud, snow drifts, hills, and deep ruts. Oh, and don't forget the deep water crossings--those are the best! All of this, so I could make a dirty snowman on top of a crest at 8,000+ feet above sea level. Just how gnarly were the ruts? Well, one of my tires is now a white wall and I hit a log that put a nice dent in my gas tank. To think that this really is just medium level wheeling gives you an idea of how many people really don't need such vehicles, because they never actually put them through the paces. I must stress that this kind of use of a vehicle sometimes results in carnage, to you and your ride, so be careful.

So, anybody wanna hop in Clyde with me? I'm thinking of having a snowball fight. I think most of you can all cram in the bed, but respect others' need for privacy: Sexy touching is only allowed if you sing the Rice a Roni jingle while holding your tongue. Try it; it's fun!

Okay, I'm tired. Nanight!


Clearlykels said...

ha ha- the rice a roni jingle while holding your tongue. Ridiculous. I love it. Looks like fun!

vera said...

i have a crush on clyde, but that snowMAN is giving him a run for his money. he better start to impress me more.

heatherfeather said...

for a man with a flower on his head, that snowman is suspiciously reminiscent of a porn star.

and it's no wonder mr. pants keeps talking about getting a vintage car - he could save a lot of money by installing crappy shocks into his current car.

Chris said...

Clyde is purdy.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Hell yeah I'll hop on board! I love jeeping so why not give Clyde a whirl? Clyde just might be able to teach those Rubicons in Moab a thing or two! :)

Always on the Move said...

Love Clyde...he's handsome! But...I have one problem, I don't know the song, nor the tune. So, because I don't...can I sit in the cab of the truck with you? PLEASE! And Grunty...I think the snowman needs some food. He's looking a bit "thin". Maybe Clyde can share some of this attention with your "other" friends???
Looks like Clyde has a great life! Too bad I can't "love" my car for more than 2 years.

Karyn said...

Dude. Your own rocker panels? Holy crap, that's some talent!
I think Clyde is sweet and I am confident that a fair few women would be totally down with riding in him next to you, bouncing away and singing the jingle. (Albeit the lure thereof escapes me. The jingle. Not the ride.)

You look good, too.

Mayden's Voyage said...

Like a fool- I sat here and held my tongue and sang the dang song-
Thanks Grunt-
But you are too far away for sexy touching- and I sounded as goofy as you hoped I would!
LOL :)
Oh- the power of a hard-working man and his rowdy truck! "Sigh"

Jules said...

I dunno - Grunty - can we bring along your amplifier?

The Grunt said...

Kels~ I am all about having fun, even if my limit is 24;)

Vera~ I actually am looking into an engine for Clyde that is a bit smaller than what I was interested in, but I can't argue with 460 horses and 500 ft lbs of torque in a package that is totally streetable, idle isn't the shits, and is pump gas friendly. Plus, if I drive nice and find and OD tranny, I can still get 13mpg highway. A place in SLC does killer marine engines, and they can do a kick-ass weekend warrior setup for me. I only need to come up with $5,700 plus tax. I can do the install. Power ain't cheap, folks. When/if I get the motor, I will post the Dyno results and there will be no dispute or hillbilly claims made--just pudding, baby! I will be going through BFG after BFG. Yikes!

Heather~ Mr. Pants has probably been bitten. I think that Clyde is it for me. I want to keep him and all the trick stuff is a signal that I will be getting a super efficient ride soon after all the modifications are done. I'm thinking a VW Golf Direct Injected Turbodiesel will be my next car. That is more efficient than a hybrid and more powerful. I have a guy that I know that makes biodiesel, and I want in on that action. My polluter will then be just for the occasional bit o' fun.

Chris~ I knew you'd appreciate Clyde. It isn't a fancy assed truck. It is all business, which means it has a butch cut and no mullet! That's exactly the look I wanted. The interior is nice, at least.

O-Girl~ Clyde is not as agile as a Jeep, but it can sure haul in more stuff and pull out stuck Jeeps all day long. I need to build me a Toyota Landcruiser for some rock crawling. Either that or a International Harvester Scout. I got lines on both. I just need a garage. My landlord just doesn't see eye to eye with me on this. Don't get me wrong, Clyde can crawl up hills, but I have to keep him as a work truck, mainly. So, no ridiculous lifts and such, for now.

I promise you, ladies, I am not the Ted Nugent type. (Or am I?) I would not embarrass any of you by rolling up in some retarded clown mobile.

Always~ Well, maybe you could give the little guy something to fatten him up. What? Oh, you guys are sick!

Karyn~ Thanks. I am just at home behind Clyde as I would be behind the wheel of a large automobile, with a beautiful house, and a beautiful wife. Well, how did I get here? I'm sorry for going all "Talking Heads" there.

Cora~ Le Grunt tre rowdy! My apologies to anybody who speaks whatever language that I attempted to ape there.

Jules~ So, you're saying you like good vibrations with your bouncy bouncy? I'll see about it, okay?

Okay, people, grow up! I am a total boy scout. Really, scout's honor!!!

heatherfeather said...

everything you said to me after "mr. pants" sort of looked like this:

blah blah blee blee hooky hooky doo ga.

i'm a car dummy. not crash test dummy, though.

goldennib said...

My husband loves his p/u. It's handy, too. He used it once to pull a HUGE motor home out of a ditch. That was cool to watch.