If you are having a hard time getting noticed, try this: eat a banana with a spoon. That's right. You peel a little at a time and scoop out the banana with your trusty spoon and viola! People will think, "My, what a dignified mental patient they are."
I have the nickname "Crazy Diamond" at a certain location where I work. The dude who gave it to me thinks that I am some kind of cracked genius. Why else would I be working there? It all started one day when I was talking about palindromes in music and he all of a sudden starts singing, "You reached for the secret too soon. You tried for the moon. Shine on you crazy diamond." We all laughed at his selection (Pink Floyd). But what was once a weird compliment is now dogging me because it is like a reminder that I have become an intellectual slummer. It's just too easy to wow these dudes. It's too bad that the shirt and tie crowd bore me too death. Really, though, those gentlemen aren't that much smarter.
Recently, I have been doing these really annoying mass text messages to people in my address book that inhabit the lower 48 states (my plan charges $0.40 per text outside this region). Their purpose was to get people to respond to odd or funny texts. The responses usually make me laugh, which cheers me up. I didn't realize that I had not clued some of these people in on all of this. I can only imagine that they must be thinking that I have become a bit unstable and obsessed. So, if you receive these texts and have wondered what the hell kind of trip I was on, sorry. If you felt special because you thought you were the only one, well, you are special because I don't include everybody in the mass texting. Plus, my replies back are tailor made just for you. If anybody in the lower 48 wants in on this means sending me your cell phone #. I won't feel bad if no one wants to because I wouldn't give out my number to a guy as weird as me. Trust me; the blog is more than enough "me" that you should consume in a day. If you don't like the texts you can always tell me to eff off. I will understand.
I had a strange experience today. I have been walking in this cemetery lately because it has some really great hills to get your legs worked out. I get to say "hi" to a lot of people that are taking their dirt naps. I even get to say hi to one of my old friends who died high on cocaine going head first into a tree at 90 mph. I always feel a presence at his grave. Well, today I went and said hello to "D" and felt that presence there with me, only this time it followed me around the cemetery when I walked on. I didn't mind. It was just a bit outer limits.
I also love to read out the names on headstones. I saw one that had me busting out loud. It said, "Birch". All I could think about was how many times someone has said, "Look, they planted a Birch here." Morbid? Yes. Funny? Absolutely! Cemeteries don't bother me at all. I figure that you are surrounded by some good souls taking a siesta. What's not to like about that?
Okay, enough about that sort of thing. I'm going to go eat a banana with a spoon.
4 years ago