Wednesday, April 23, 2008


I couldn't be bothered to come up with a real title.

I watched my landlord almost get electrocuted today. That was fun. Is that bad?

There is a person at my work that admitted to celebrating what they called "Hitler Day". Apparently, that sort of thing is great fun because you get to dress up like Hitler and eat bratwurst, sauerkraut, and SpƤtzle with gravy. It was also interesting that she said that they had Hitler Day on passover. It gets even better: she and her family are blond haired and blue eyed. I really don't know what else to say about this. I really don't.

Today was the first day since the upsetting news that I have not had back and shoulder pain. The stress was making my tendons and muscles bind up. I'm still looking for a good masseuse. A masseur would not be up my alley, if you get my happy ending. Kidding aside, how in the hell do you even go about asking for one of those?

I can't even have a good lottery win fantasy. Before I can even start with what stuff I'd want to get for myself (penis enlargement by Aston Martin), I have to go through all the requisite "taking care of the family and friends" bullshit first. By that time I am too tired to fantasize and I fall asleep. I have got to chill out.

Speaking of penis enlargement, I think that a man could have a ten foot penis and still wonder what it would be like if it were just a little bit bigger. I don't see women having that problem with their breasts. What is wrong with us guys? I am not exempt from this line of thinking, either. I have imagined having a phallus so big that it generated enough body heat of its own to contribute to the polar ice caps melting...and then I wondered what it would be like if it were about two inches longer.

Gosh, do you still have respect for me?


Julie Schuler said...

Don't even get me started on Hitler Day. It's become such a commercial racket. I still haven't mailed out my cards.

Do you have a "School of Massage" nearby? You could probably get worked over for a pretty good price at one of those. Or what about a plain old physical therapist? That's sort of luck of the draw, though. I've had some bad ones.

Usually my lottery fantasies involve me getting my botched root canal re-done.

What if your penis were so big, that we're all a part of it, and it is all a part of us? And then two inches loinger than that?

Crystal said...

easy. when you're on the table start screaming that you have a charlie horse and when he goes to rub your leg, let him know that "no! it's in my penis! GOD!" and then he will rub your penis. BOOM. done.

Karyn said...

I can think of several things to say about Hitler Day... I just don't know where to start, because I am overwhelmed with contempt.

As for the ten-footer... hm. Well...ten feet plus two inches longer would make it really kind of hard to find a pair of jeans that would fit, that's my guess.

Anonymous said...

If you're really looking for a good masseuse, just ask your friends. I bet more of them than you realize get massages. It's tough trying them out without a referral. There's nothing worse than a bad massage. Well...there are worse things than that, but you know what I mean. Leigh

The Grunt said...

Julie~ I missed out on all the Hitler Day savings sales. Drat! The massage therapy school sounds like a good idea. Well, I sure could use lotto money to pay off my mountain of medical bills. If it were two inches longer than that I think it would collapse under its own weight.

Crystal~ That's bad touch. No! No!

Karyn~ That's why man invented the wheel barrow.

Leigh~ I took your advice and did ask a friend. He gave me a referral.

Jules said...

Just because you don't SEE women having that problem doesn't mean we don't have boob envy ALL the time! We're just better at hiding our thoughts.