Thursday, April 24, 2008

TIGF!!! (That's Incredibly Gay Friday): Smelling better than good

I have sensitive skin and can't indulge much in the ways of cologne. I do, however, smell fresh and clean, unless I am going through some sort of fugue state and completely forget shit altogether. I really enjoyed the lavender essential oil concoction that I used on my skin during radiation treatment. I am also a big champion of clean bung hole=smell good. Really, a clean body is the best smell. Most of us then take our clean bodies and enhance them with perfumes and colognes. There are then some that seem to find a magic combination of clean, enhancement, and natural body chemistry that nails it and makes the rest of us look bad.

Smelling better than good is TIGF in the most fabulous way. The secret to smelling this good is kept within a steel-reinforced concrete vault hidden in a secret conclave--or so I hear--with a select group of women, gay, and heterosexual men with an elevated "precipitous gay potential" (metros) permitted access. These select few choose who they pass this knowledge to, however, in bits and pieces, usually to make money, and never the full secret. That is TIGF in an un-fabulous way. I want to smell better than good, dammit!

Ambergris might have something to do with it, but I heard from the only gay in my village that squirrel piss, surprisingly, does wonders to enhance your natural odor. The problem is getting a squirrel to piss on you, or in a bottle. Any suggestions?


Julie Schuler said...

Here you can find a wide selection of %100 pure, uncut animal urine, including squirrel. Squirrel urine is available for the very reasonable sum of $7.95- that's for a four ounce spray bottle! Beat that, Calvin Klein.

Karyn said...

The problem is getting a squirrel to piss on you, or in a bottle. Any suggestions?

Yes - stick to soap and water. A man's unique chemistry / pheremone load is, or at least can be, the absolutely 100% sexiest smell out there.

I'm so totally serious.

The Grunt said...

Wow! What a big turn out for TIGF!!! At least it was two of the coolest bloggers that commented.

Julie~ Thanks for the link. You don't know how tired I was getting chasing those little guys around with a beaker in hand.

Karyn~ That is what I do, with a little pit stick for good measure. I really don't have an option, really. My skin gets real irritated with colognes. Yes, I am a sensitive man.

Jules said...

I just hadn't had time to make my suggestion for the squirrel piss yet. But i'd say the plan is to locate a squirrel, befriend it over a period of several days by offering it a continuous supply of nuts, then when you find it crawling up your pantleg, hook a patented squirrel urine collection unit onto it's arse and wait. Keep offering it nuts, and hope that you haven't violated it so much that it won't climb back up your leg at some point so you can collect the urine.

Well, either that or buy it like Julie says...

Overall... I enjoy a HINT of a masculine smell... but not too much cologne. That's a BIG turn off for me.

The Grunt said...

Jules~ That is quite the elaborate plan.