Sunday, April 27, 2008

Munday Poast

Not a whole lot to talk about, really. It's just past midnight here. For some reason my posts show Pacific time and not Mountain West. Whatever.

I'm going up to the cancer hospital tomorrow to get some paperwork that my oncologists prepared for me. My work is having an audit and the payroll director thought that with the days I've had to take off that having a doctor's note would help out in case any problems should arise. Considering that I went through intensive chemotherapy and radiation, I probably missed on average three days a month of work. It should have been a lot more than that, looking back on it all. I don't know how in the hell I pushed myself to get through it, but when you don't have full benefits you kind of have to.

My sister was trying to help me reduce some stress and gave me a back rub. She shrieked when she felt how effed up my back was--it's like a damn log with all sorts of knots in it. So, I am certainly going to get myself to a masseuse like I said. My sister also showed me some yoga exercises to try to loosen up my shoulders and back. I've never had upper back problems this bad in my entire life. It's like having hot daggers jammed into me.

Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep and be carried off to Kubla Kahn's Xanadu, not that crappy movie with Olivia Newton John. She can hang out there, though, and sing stuff from Grease. Or, maybe some benevolent aliens will take me on some kick-ass interstellar cruise and pick up chicks from Alpha Centauri. It could happen. What I'm trying to say here is that I've had a reality overload here and want to check out in a non-permanent way. If all of this hardship was meant to humble me, well, I'm about as low in spirit as it gets. If there was a lesson to be learned, well, life is short and blah, blah, blah, live life to its fullest, more blah, blah, blah, blah.

The thing that gets me is there are some people in my community (zealot whack-jobs) that are telling me that this is the Lord's way of exhorting that I should get married and change my sinful ways (like I'm the Marquis de Sade because I am not a banker and married with seven kids). I live a clean life now, for those who aren't aware. It seems that my one glaring eternal flaw is that I haven't married--or maybe that means I've got the queer disease! Somebody praise the Jesus fast so's I don't start takin' the uncircumcised penis in the naughty places. You know, it's not like there isn't a shortage of married dudes who are visiting tea houses, if you get my drift. I don't have to prove my heterosexuality. I will get married when I want to.

So, yeah, according to these people's logic, the Lord wants to help me by having all my money tied up in medical bills so that the only dates I can go on are walks in the park and a romantic dinner consisting of Sunny Delight and Top Ramen. I can see it now, up in heaven, God is going "That boy needs to stop being such a menace to society and get himself married. I know. I will give him cancer! Wow, I am so all powerful and stuff." They make God sound as stupid as George W. Bush--of course they like old G.W., so that would be totally lost on them. I can't wait to be married with kids because then I will have license in this community to say stupid shit like that to struggling singles. You know, because then I will finally be in God's good graces. Idiots.

It's not everybody, but you get these super-vocal zealots that leech onto you and make your life, um, interesting. Most people (including church people) have been good to me. I just think that I'm going to need some kind of body guard to take care of these cooks from getting to me.

Whew! Did I just say all that stuff? Oh well, it felt good.


Julie Schuler said...

They don't stop after you have kids. We have religious folks going around in vans in the summertime trying to abduct our kids and take them to summer God camp. They lure them with candy- no shit! Then the neighbor kids stop at our house on the way home and sing their praise Jesus songs to us. There is nothing we can do but sit there and take it. We haven't revealed our religious or political leanings to anyone in five years.

No married people can stand to see single people. I don't know why that is. I guess we're afraid you are out having some sort of good time that we can't have.

Anonymous said...

It's always interesting to me how free people feel to comment on the lives of others. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked why I'm not married yet. My standard reply is that I'd rather be single and happy than married and miserable. And I am content to be single right now. At the right time and with the right person it will be wonderful to be married and happy.

Happy Monday to ya!


Anonymous said...

Ooops - forgot to encourage you to get a massage. If you can, find someone who does "hot stones" or "hot rocks" massage. It's literally massage done with hot rocks and it is incredible. The combination of heat and deep massage works wonders.


Crystal said...

tell them to suck it. misery loves company and they obviously don't think cancer was enough misery for you.

however, if you just need some chic to get married to, i will marry you as long as we can immediately start having babies. my clock is a'tic tockin.

Corn Dog said...

If you need some fowl mouthed cancer survivor to say the F word to a few people, I'm here for you. I have a long string of things I say to a variety of people. Wonder what God will be teaching the zealots when they get cancer. Uhhh, nothing because all of a sudden it will be just one of those things..ya it really is.

My favorite comment was from a fiancee of a friend. I had been on disability because I couldn't f'in see from the bad brain tumor removal. She said, "I wish I had some time off like you."

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Yes, you did just say that! And if it felt good, say it again.

I am not in your neck of the woods, but I can still feel your pain/frustrations concerning the matter of the "m" word. I am just glad you don't listen the crap that the zealots feed you.

I don't know about getting married, but I would be a baby mama if you need one.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Yes, you did just say that! And if it felt good, say it again.

I am not in your neck of the woods, but I can still feel your pain/frustrations concerning the matter of the "m" word. I am just glad you don't listen the crap that the zealots feed you.

I don't know about getting married, but I would be a baby mama if you need one.

Christielli said...

Oh gosh, those marriage people would make me flip out too. Actually, not so much flip, as throw my coldest stare at and walk away in silence. That's my style.

Anyway, I don't like to call people idiots, but I'm trying to think of a more positive word for these fools, but I can't, so yeah...

Some girls like Sunny D and Top Ramen though. That's really how you can weed out the more shallow girls, I suppose.

Marriage schmarriage and I'm glad that you got this off your chest.

Keshi said...

Grunty a whole lot of ppl ask me 'how come ur single????'. I really wanna tell em 'how come ur not dead yet?'.


The Grunt said...

Julie~ Candy? Damn!

Leigh~ That's what I think too. It is better to be happy and single than miserable and married. I will have to check on the hot rock therapy.

Crystal~ Look, you wouldn't be just some chick to get married to. I'd make sure that together we'd have kids that would become astronauts or Fussball champions--they'd make us proud. In summary, you could throw me through the garage door anytime.

Corn Dog~ I can count on you getting it because you've been through it before. I can't believe that lady said that to you. Anyway, I might call upon you to say the F-word to some idiots someday.

O-Girl~ Do I need a baby mama? Why not. Hey, I've got plenty in the freezer. Like I told the ladies at work, help yourself. Just make sure the door closes all the way when you are done. We don't want things thawing and going bad. Or, there's the fun way. One thing is for sure, the kids would be darling.

Christielli~ Your comment made me feel good. I don't lament because I have little money to spare, it's just that I want to give more, always. Anyway, I like your style.

Keshi~ I just think when it comes to unique people like us that we require something more than the average person and are not willing to settle. That is the real reason we are not married yet. Ha, that sounded like I meant that we haven't got married yet, together!

Julie Schuler said...

Oho! You didn't deny it! You ARE out having some sort of good time that I can't have.... i knew it.

Diane Mandy said...

Small minded people - pay them no mind, Grunt. Keep surrounding yourself with people who really care about your well being, and tell the rest to F(*&(- off.

Karyn said...

Yes, people do like to tell you where you have OBVIOUSLY gone wrong in life and EXACTLY what you need to do to fix it.

I know some of them... a lot of them, actually... and it gets harder to hold my tongue with them. So mad points to you if you still conduct yourself with some modicum of composure when dealing with these zipperheads.

Definitely get a massage. Also, if possible, see if your insurance / doctor will cover / prescribe physical therapy. I have had neck / nerve / back problems for ages and there is a machine which is basically like pedaling a bike with your arms and it stretches you out and leaves you feeling like a way happy rubberband.

Did I just say all that? Oh well, it felt good. (And you should say what feels good , too.)

Crystal said...

i hope our kids don't wind up with ballsacks on their faces like i did ------->

Clearlykels said...

These are the people who vote. Just saying.

Get a massage. They are awesome!

Jules said...

Isn't it funny how people judge others for something that really doesn't make a fuckload of difference? I wonder if all of those married people with seven kids are as happy as they make it look like they are. I bet they're not. Be single, Grunty... and have some FUN in the time that you are!

The Grunt said...

Julie~ You're on to me!

Diane~ That's good advice. One of my goals in life is to do just that.

Karyn~ I wouldn't mind feeling like a way happy rubber band.

Crystal~ That profile picture reminds me of Jimmy Durante (hot-cha-cha-cha-cha!). Anyway, I'm sure our kids would look fine, all fifteen of them (three sets of quintuplets).

Kels~ My birthday will soon be here, so maybe someone will pay for one as a gift.

Jules~ Yeah, I should live it up while I still can.

Sun Follower said...

Single schmingle. I say "Single is the new married"