Not a whole lot to talk about, really. It's just past midnight here. For some reason my posts show Pacific time and not Mountain West. Whatever.
I'm going up to the cancer hospital tomorrow to get some paperwork that my oncologists prepared for me. My work is having an audit and the payroll director thought that with the days I've had to take off that having a doctor's note would help out in case any problems should arise. Considering that I went through intensive chemotherapy and radiation, I probably missed on average three days a month of work. It should have been a lot more than that, looking back on it all. I don't know how in the hell I pushed myself to get through it, but when you don't have full benefits you kind of have to.
My sister was trying to help me reduce some stress and gave me a back rub. She shrieked when she felt how effed up my back was--it's like a damn log with all sorts of knots in it. So, I am certainly going to get myself to a masseuse like I said. My sister also showed me some yoga exercises to try to loosen up my shoulders and back. I've never had upper back problems this bad in my entire life. It's like having hot daggers jammed into me.
Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep and be carried off to Kubla Kahn's Xanadu, not that crappy movie with Olivia Newton John. She can hang out there, though, and sing stuff from Grease. Or, maybe some benevolent aliens will take me on some kick-ass interstellar cruise and pick up chicks from Alpha Centauri. It could happen. What I'm trying to say here is that I've had a reality overload here and want to check out in a non-permanent way. If all of this hardship was meant to humble me, well, I'm about as low in spirit as it gets. If there was a lesson to be learned, well, life is short and blah, blah, blah, live life to its fullest, more blah, blah, blah, blah.
The thing that gets me is there are some people in my community (zealot whack-jobs) that are telling me that this is the Lord's way of exhorting that I should get married and change my sinful ways (like I'm the Marquis de Sade because I am not a banker and married with seven kids). I live a clean life now, for those who aren't aware. It seems that my one glaring eternal flaw is that I haven't married--or maybe that means I've got the queer disease! Somebody praise the Jesus fast so's I don't start takin' the uncircumcised penis in the naughty places. You know, it's not like there isn't a shortage of married dudes who are visiting tea houses, if you get my drift. I don't have to prove my heterosexuality. I will get married when I want to.
So, yeah, according to these people's logic, the Lord wants to help me by having all my money tied up in medical bills so that the only dates I can go on are walks in the park and a romantic dinner consisting of Sunny Delight and Top Ramen. I can see it now, up in heaven, God is going "That boy needs to stop being such a menace to society and get himself married. I know. I will give him cancer! Wow, I am so all powerful and stuff." They make God sound as stupid as George W. Bush--of course they like old G.W., so that would be totally lost on them. I can't wait to be married with kids because then I will have license in this community to say stupid shit like that to struggling singles. You know, because then I will finally be in God's good graces. Idiots.
It's not everybody, but you get these super-vocal zealots that leech onto you and make your life, um, interesting. Most people (including church people) have been good to me. I just think that I'm going to need some kind of body guard to take care of these cooks from getting to me.
Whew! Did I just say all that stuff? Oh well, it felt good.
4 years ago