First meme: Favorite doing it songs. Rules can be found at Crystal's blog here.
Upon getting tagged I was hit with the hard truth that I just don't care or put much thought into these sorts of things. But, I am a good sport and made a concerted effort to put together a list of songs that I imagined would work and not simply a warbley cassette of The Police's Outlandos d'Amour on auto reverse on a cheap Kenwood car stereo...game, and shitloads of it.
Songs for dry humping:
I like to kick things off with a couple from The Pixies, because no one is getting in my pants if they don't like Mr. Black. There will be some other groups in here as well. Enjoy!
- Here Comes Your Man. Maybe this selection is premature, but so am I. The bouncy rhythm and melody start so innocently then you end up finding yourselves starting a denim fire before you know it.
- Gigantic. See how things evolve here? I'm a big man and I eat a big cereal. I also have a big-big love. She needs to know this before we go any further.
- KISS: Nothing To Loose. This is the ultimate dry humping song because, as stated, you've got nothing to loose. The dirty part about this song is that I believe it is really about doing the back flap puppet show to China.
- Dexy's Midnight Runners: Come On Eileen. Man, the video was a practical denim smorgasbord and the tempo of the song follows exactly the cycle of sexual arousal of an adolescent male. Blue jeans will spark on this song.
- Buzzcocks: Orgasm Addict & Why Can't I Touch It? The first one is just plain fun and won't creep out any girl that I find attractive. The second one caps off any dry hump session because it describes perfectly the torture of the act. Ultimately, the man asks this very question and is left hanging.
There is no other place where music selection can betray you more than right here. This is where one usually has to eat it, no pun intended, and sack it up (uh, pun maybe?)
- Chris Bell w/Alex Chilton: You and Your Sister. It's a sweet ballad about doing it with twins. No, but it is about the most tender ballad I know of that won't betray you and will make even the most iron clad panties take flight. I highly recommend downloading this tune.
- Ramones: I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend. It gets me in the mood and clearly makes a statement. Remember, going from a ballad to a punk song offers variety, and variety is the spice of life.
- Smiths: Please, Let Me Get What I Want. Shit, do I really have to explain this one?
- Franz Ferdinand: Take Me Out. By now you should have already found yourself past the begging and the confusion of "No means no, or does it?" The beat fits perfectly and does not overtly imply nastiness, simply gets you into the swing of things.
- Gram Parsons w/Emmy Lou Harris: Love Hurts. Because by now things should have led to a night of sexual overexertion or being left alone in bed in disappointment. If you don't care for the original and want a bit of rock flavor, try Nazareth's cover of this song.
These, as stated clearly by Crystal, are the songs that you really want to screw to.
- The entire "Highway to Hell" album, by AC/DC. Bon Scott had more sex appeal in his voice than Brian Johnson ever did. Go with Bon era AC/DC first. Brian is for people who drink too much. If rock doesn't float her boat try Bob Marley's Stir It Up or John Lennon's Woman.
- Thin Lizzy: Still In Love With You. If you haven't heard this song, and like rock ballads, shame on you. It is about the most sincere, honest, and non-cheesy ballad ever sung by a black Irish man god that plays bass guitar. Plus, your partner needs to know that you are still in love with them even after all those times you popped her back zits.
- Led Zeppelin: Kashmir. Don't you guys know your Fast Times at Ridgemont High? Well, even the movie got it wrong. The recommendation from Mike Damone to Ratner was to make out to side two of Led Zeppelin "IV". Then they cut to "Rat" driving in the car with Stacy listening to Kashmir. Kashmir is best, but, then again, When the Levee Breaks is the perfect way to sum up a good "O".
- Roxy Music: More Than This. That's what she usually wants. I dare you, however, to find a more sensual sounding song.
- Kraftwerk: Trans Europe Express. I don't know about you but I find Krautrock incredibly sexy. Have you hear this track? It is for trance mating, serious!
Bonus list: Classical "doing it" songs.
Classical music is probably the best aphrodisiac for thinky people. I am a thinky person. I don't want to have to explain why Beethoven went deaf when my pants are down to my ankles, so this weeds out the dumb ones.
- Beethoven's Ninth symphony, second movement. If you like a dramatic entrance, this one's for you.
- Gioachino Rossini's opera La gazza ladra (The Thieving Magpie). This playful opera fits perfectly with horseplay in bed and a little grab ass in the laundry room.
- Maurice Ravel's Boléro. This is the ultimate classical "foreplay" song. Thanks "10" for schooling me.
- Sir Edward Elgar's Pomp and Circumstance, No. 1. The pyramids took too long to build. This song should approximate the correct length of time for erecting the Pharaoh's obelisk.
- Gioachino Rossini's William Tell Overture. Haven't you seen A Clockwork Orange? Come on people. This is not rocket science.
Okay, the next meme is one that Diane Mandy tagged me with. You can view her post here. The meme is about what your bookshelf looks like. Well, here is my "bookshelf".
What you can see here is an old entertainment center posing as a storage area for miscellaneous crap. You can see my home made theremin to the right with all of its knobs (the antennae are visible if you look hard enough), in front of that is a Seymour Duncan AlNiCo Pro II humbucking neck pickup for an electric guitar. On top of the theremin is a KT66 thermionic valve, or vacuum tube, for a guitar amp. There are various cords, a mic, a bag of Carling DPDT foot switches, papers/documents, a neck brace, and a roll of Rollos. Oh, did I mention that there were books somewhere in there? I own plenty of more books, but they are either scattered or in boxes stored away.
Cut me a break. I'm a bachelor for crying out loud.
Please, no more memes for awhile. It's 2:30 AM! Thanks Crystal! Thanks Diane! No, really. It was fun. Oh, and for those who may believe that I am a lost soul, Jesus forgives--even the multitude of grammatical errors that I've made out of sheer drowsiness.