Thursday, April 10, 2008

Dos Memes: Favorite "doin-it" songs and my "book shelf"

I got tagged by both Crystal and Diane Mandy. I will provide links to their blogs with the respective memes. Memes are TIGF, btw. But, I like having friends and these two gals are awesome.

First meme: Favorite doing it songs. Rules can be found at Crystal's blog here.

Upon getting tagged I was hit with the hard truth that I just don't care or put much thought into these sorts of things. But, I am a good sport and made a concerted effort to put together a list of songs that I imagined would work and not simply a warbley cassette of The Police's Outlandos d'Amour on auto reverse on a cheap Kenwood car, and shitloads of it.

Songs for dry humping:

I like to kick things off with a couple from The Pixies, because no one is getting in my pants if they don't like Mr. Black. There will be some other groups in here as well. Enjoy!

  1. Here Comes Your Man. Maybe this selection is premature, but so am I. The bouncy rhythm and melody start so innocently then you end up finding yourselves starting a denim fire before you know it.
  2. Gigantic. See how things evolve here? I'm a big man and I eat a big cereal. I also have a big-big love. She needs to know this before we go any further.
  3. KISS: Nothing To Loose. This is the ultimate dry humping song because, as stated, you've got nothing to loose. The dirty part about this song is that I believe it is really about doing the back flap puppet show to China.
  4. Dexy's Midnight Runners: Come On Eileen. Man, the video was a practical denim smorgasbord and the tempo of the song follows exactly the cycle of sexual arousal of an adolescent male. Blue jeans will spark on this song.
  5. Buzzcocks: Orgasm Addict & Why Can't I Touch It? The first one is just plain fun and won't creep out any girl that I find attractive. The second one caps off any dry hump session because it describes perfectly the torture of the act. Ultimately, the man asks this very question and is left hanging.
Now we move onto the next section of hump tunes: the "getting to know you" phase.

There is no other place where music selection can betray you more than right here. This is where one usually has to eat it, no pun intended, and sack it up (uh, pun maybe?)

  1. Chris Bell w/Alex Chilton: You and Your Sister. It's a sweet ballad about doing it with twins. No, but it is about the most tender ballad I know of that won't betray you and will make even the most iron clad panties take flight. I highly recommend downloading this tune.
  2. Ramones: I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend. It gets me in the mood and clearly makes a statement. Remember, going from a ballad to a punk song offers variety, and variety is the spice of life.
  3. Smiths: Please, Let Me Get What I Want. Shit, do I really have to explain this one?
  4. Franz Ferdinand: Take Me Out. By now you should have already found yourself past the begging and the confusion of "No means no, or does it?" The beat fits perfectly and does not overtly imply nastiness, simply gets you into the swing of things.
  5. Gram Parsons w/Emmy Lou Harris: Love Hurts. Because by now things should have led to a night of sexual overexertion or being left alone in bed in disappointment. If you don't care for the original and want a bit of rock flavor, try Nazareth's cover of this song.
The final section: balls to the wall familiarity tunes.

These, as stated clearly by Crystal, are the songs that you really want to screw to.

  1. The entire "Highway to Hell" album, by AC/DC. Bon Scott had more sex appeal in his voice than Brian Johnson ever did. Go with Bon era AC/DC first. Brian is for people who drink too much. If rock doesn't float her boat try Bob Marley's Stir It Up or John Lennon's Woman.
  2. Thin Lizzy: Still In Love With You. If you haven't heard this song, and like rock ballads, shame on you. It is about the most sincere, honest, and non-cheesy ballad ever sung by a black Irish man god that plays bass guitar. Plus, your partner needs to know that you are still in love with them even after all those times you popped her back zits.
  3. Led Zeppelin: Kashmir. Don't you guys know your Fast Times at Ridgemont High? Well, even the movie got it wrong. The recommendation from Mike Damone to Ratner was to make out to side two of Led Zeppelin "IV". Then they cut to "Rat" driving in the car with Stacy listening to Kashmir. Kashmir is best, but, then again, When the Levee Breaks is the perfect way to sum up a good "O".
  4. Roxy Music: More Than This. That's what she usually wants. I dare you, however, to find a more sensual sounding song.
  5. Kraftwerk: Trans Europe Express. I don't know about you but I find Krautrock incredibly sexy. Have you hear this track? It is for trance mating, serious!
Well, there you have it. I left out many good songs, but I feel that this is a good list. Let me know if it works.

Bonus list: Classical "doing it" songs.

Classical music is probably the best aphrodisiac for thinky people. I am a thinky person. I don't want to have to explain why Beethoven went deaf when my pants are down to my ankles, so this weeds out the dumb ones.

  1. Beethoven's Ninth symphony, second movement. If you like a dramatic entrance, this one's for you.
  2. Gioachino Rossini's opera La gazza ladra (The Thieving Magpie). This playful opera fits perfectly with horseplay in bed and a little grab ass in the laundry room.
  3. Maurice Ravel's Boléro. This is the ultimate classical "foreplay" song. Thanks "10" for schooling me.
  4. Sir Edward Elgar's Pomp and Circumstance, No. 1. The pyramids took too long to build. This song should approximate the correct length of time for erecting the Pharaoh's obelisk.
  5. Gioachino Rossini's William Tell Overture. Haven't you seen A Clockwork Orange? Come on people. This is not rocket science.
Please, don't blame me if sexy time is that much better because of these songs.

Okay, the next meme is one that Diane Mandy tagged me with. You can view her post here. The meme is about what your bookshelf looks like. Well, here is my "bookshelf".
What you can see here is an old entertainment center posing as a storage area for miscellaneous crap. You can see my home made theremin to the right with all of its knobs (the antennae are visible if you look hard enough), in front of that is a Seymour Duncan AlNiCo Pro II humbucking neck pickup for an electric guitar. On top of the theremin is a KT66 thermionic valve, or vacuum tube, for a guitar amp. There are various cords, a mic, a bag of Carling DPDT foot switches, papers/documents, a neck brace, and a roll of Rollos. Oh, did I mention that there were books somewhere in there? I own plenty of more books, but they are either scattered or in boxes stored away.

Cut me a break. I'm a bachelor for crying out loud.

Please, no more memes for awhile. It's 2:30 AM! Thanks Crystal! Thanks Diane! No, really. It was fun. Oh, and for those who may believe that I am a lost soul, Jesus forgives--even the multitude of grammatical errors that I've made out of sheer drowsiness.


Diane Mandy said...

Thanks for playing along. That is def a bachelor bookshelf!

Anonymous said...

i don't have much time to leave an appropriate comment, but i will leave one when i get back on monday. however, i have to say that the smiths please please please let me let me let me get what i want this time is fucking rad and i am taken back to when my heart strings were tugged when ducky really wanted molly ringwald and she STILL wound up with the cute rich boy. that movie sucked. anyhow, one of the greatest songs ever.

NYD said...

I am kinda glad you played along with tisa one. There's nothing like music to really let you get inside of someones head and see where they are coming fromm. I give you an A+ for the Buzzcocks and special Notice for Roxy Music. I would rather hear Mr. Marley sing kinky reggae than stir it up. All in all rightous choices.

Oh yeah. Buy some books!

Photogirl said...

You should make the official "Grunt's Songs for Doing It" mix album and sell it.

btw, your knowledge of music always amazes me. I haven't heard of half of this stuff!

For me...a little Morcheeba always gets me in the mood. Or Jack Johnson...yeah, I know, I'm such a girl. Or Linkin Park for angry sex! lol. Ok I should stop now or this comment will be loooong...

Julie Schuler said...

No one has a sexier scream than Frank Black aka Black Francis. If it were up to me, one of our sons would be named Black Francis, probably the other one would be Special Agent Dale Cooper, so it's a good thing these things aren't left up to me.

A homemade theremin! You just get more and more awesome.

Anthony S. said...

Nice list. I wish I had thought of a Classic Doing It songs list. How badass is that?

If you can do your thing to the William Tell Overture, you are the man.

Nessa said...

Do TV commercials count as music?

Jules said...

Fantastic list, Grunty! Though I never put classical together with sex before... I'm gonna have to give it more of try in the future! I'm curious... does your rhythm change according to the speed and the intensity of the music?

What. It's an honest question... research, you know!!

The Grunt said...

Diane~ Someday I will get all my stuff organized. That day will be when I have a wife.

Crystal~ See, the life I've had would turn a good man bad. Have fun partying with the gals!

NYD~ I agree. I need more books. Also, I agree that Stir It Up is not the best choice. It is best used to get in the romantic mood, not hot monkey sex.

Celeste~ Well, consider yourself tagged if you could go on. I totally should do that mix CD thing.

Julie~ What's even more awesome is that I have two theremins. The one pictured has major bugs in it and makes very interesting noises. It would be a crime to fix it. Anyway, when it comes time for me to have kids I might go with your name choices.

Anthony~ Yeah, Willy's Overture is something that all men should aspire to matching their performance to. I liked your list, BTW.

Nessa~ Yes!

Jules~ Try Bolero if you are going to really go classical. I'm serious.

I can't believe nobody has caught the great irony in my selection of Bolero. It is only one movement, yet foreplay should involve many. However, it is still the best choice. I am dork. Hear me pontificate.

Keshi said...

ok alright Bachelors r allowed to be messy.


Melliferous Pants said...

Wow, impressed with the classical Doing-It songs...very creative!

Sun Follower said...

Ditto on he Dexy's Midnight Runners (and throw in the little dance for fun), Kashmir and Bolero.

Crystal said...

i am also impressed with the classic doing it songs. however, since i have no depth, i would probably pass out and snore in your ear or get an uncontrollable urge to stop making out and read the newspaper while pretending each other doesn't exist.

the pixies are awesome make out music because they sound kind of psychotic "slicin up eyeballs! AHAHAHAHA!" i think that is what he says anyway. fucking crazy.

i am glad that you included an entire album. great prowess/stamina, theodore!

i like how your songs kind of get fast and then slow down. good strategy for keeping with it.

i especially think it is hilarious that you added pomp and circumstance - this means accomplishment to me. it should be your last song you listen to while you're laying there right after sex and right before you ask her to make you a sandwich and get out.

thank you so much for participating, t. grunt!

The Grunt said...

Keshi~ This means that my mind is clean.

Pants~ This is what gift playing the trombone in orchestra blessed me with. I also had numerous jocks make fun of me and say that I was a tromboner player, so I was also blessed with the gift of low self esteem.

Sun~ I am glad that you are with me on Dexy. Nothing like a little Celtic soul to get things moving.

Crystal~ I would never diss you, Chica, so participating in this was my pleasure. The classical selections are pretty universal, especially Bolero and William Tell Overture. As far as The Pixies, stuff like that gets me all excited.

Melliferous Pants said...

If there were an honor club for low self-esteemers, I would have been so cool in high school.