Saturday, July 21, 2007

My spirit animal is a bull moose (pay attention to the linkys--they are the best part!)

I don't rightly know how in the hell I came to that conclusion, but I did. Who knows anything about anything? My neighbor George does and we are all sick of it. He better watch his back.

I had a rough night last night, and we all know what that means to a man who just came out as a
bedosexual last year. I have got to find out how to not shake like an unbalanced washing machine during the night without looking like little Randy Parker from "A Christmas Story". I bought a great new pillow, knit cap, and dug out my Newcastle United "Magpies" scarf--it takes me right back to those crazy gallows gate nights. I just lay back and sing "The fog on the Tyne is all mine all mine..." until I fall asleep with dreams of a pastel Whitley Bay.

Now that's enough of the linky linky, I believe. If I do anymore I just might sprain my html ligament. It's the same ligament used for one-handed typing, you know. We all can
relate to that sort of need.

Back to the moose: So, I spent my first day of "vacation" today up in the mountains. Mind you, I've had to adjust what my vacation is, due to obvious reasons. Anyway, my sister and I drove up to a lake to chill out and take in some Motha Nacho. Seriously, that is Mother Nature's street name. Okay, I just made that one up today. Anyway, It was there that I came within a dozen feet of my spirit animal. Read the title again. There, that wasn't so hard, now was it?

Why the moose? Shit, I don't know. Usually, these animals are mean as a gonorrhea drip and twice as unpleasant if you happen to breathe on them the wrong way. Moose kill more people than grizzly bears or mountain lions. Think of that next time you are thinking of putting a pine cone on one's head and taking a picture of it (Yellowstone Boy Scout Camp, 1989). They are a bit solitary and I don't know if that is a good thing for me right now, but they are strong.


What it was, I believe, was the twenty minutes of sitting on a rock right next to it while it was eating. I coughed and it would then grumble back. He gave me that look like, "I fuckin' kill ya, boyo! But, you ain't a'troublin' me none. Go ahead an' sit on that rock." So, I am not a moose, but that is the kind of animal that I want to channel spiritually.

Well, maybe it wasn't the moose. It could have been that squirrel with the huge nuts.

11 comments:

Serena Joy said...

I don't know what my spirit animal is, but I'm pretty sure it's scared of killer mooses. Is it mooses or meese? Whatever. They kill more people than grizzly bears? Geez! I thought they were pretty laid back. I may never look at Bullwinkle the same again.:)

Chandra said...

The thing that caught my attention in all of that was "gonorrhea drip"... hmm how would you know about that?!? hmm interesting. The many levels of grunt. Are you sure you aren't canadian there bullwinkle? A moose? My spirit animal is on my body... hmm there's a quiz for you :)

Karyn said...

Hey, you're multi-faceted - you could have two spirit animals, the moose and the giant nutted squirrel, right? Right?

I don't know what mine is. How do you find out? Maybe mine is a twinky, or a marshmallow.

Wait. Those aren't animals. Crap.

The Grunt said...

Serena~ Yeah, don't ever be sucked into a mooses apparent peaceful demeanor. They are awnry SOB's.

Chandra~ Well, I guess you are just going to have to send me some nude shots and I will go treasure hunting for the tattoo. I don't know what just came over me there. Please forgive me.

Karyn~ Well, you could make an animal out of Twinkies and marshmallows. That could be your spirit animal.

Scott said...

I like the idea of it being a moose. They are stubborn fuckers, and really are pretty gracious creatures for the most part. I did this thing a while ago that I won't get into here, but my spirit animal is a Wolverine. I am not that ornery, I swear.

Oh, and I am working on that novel.

Hope you are doing well and are in good spirits my friend.

Christielli said...

Bill Bryson led me to believe Moose are really stupid. I think it was in his book "Walk in the Woods". Or it might have been a different one, I dunno.

My spirit animal would be a bird. I like cardinals; but I dunno if I look good enough in red to only wear that colour.

Keshi said...

Moose? WOW :) Mine wud be a deer hehehe.


HUGGGGGGZ Grunty n I was thinking of ya indeedz...

Keshi.

Scary Monster said...

Bullwinkle and Rockey. Cool Me chooses to be Underdog. Iffin we get a few more people in on this we can all win a trip to New york for the "spiritual" Macy's thanksgiving day parade.
You might say you cain't draw worth a damn but that pastel is pretty darn good. Me likes it.

Stay Stompy, Cap'n

egan said...

Moose are not tame creatures. Heck, not animals are. Is it bad that I like when they attack the homo sapiens?

The Grunt said...

Scott~ A wolverine is a kick ass spirit animal, my man. As for the novel, I hope you get published.

Christielli~ Well, so long as I'm channeling the spirit of a moose and not the brain I think I'm alright;)

Keshi~ You are a dear.

Scary~ Thanks for the compliment on that pastel. It's been awhile since I've done that stuff and I need to get back into it again.

Egan~ You and me both. It's a bit disturbing but I think we get some kind of pass. We are just witnessing the forces of nature in action.

Chandra said...

My first thought it those pictures could scare the bad cells out of you LOL!