I don't rightly know how in the hell I came to that conclusion, but I did. Who knows anything about anything? My neighbor George does and we are all sick of it. He better watch his back.
I had a rough night last night, and we all know what that means to a man who just came out as a bedosexual last year. I have got to find out how to not shake like an unbalanced washing machine during the night without looking like little Randy Parker from "A Christmas Story". I bought a great new pillow, knit cap, and dug out my Newcastle United "Magpies" scarf--it takes me right back to those crazy gallows gate nights. I just lay back and sing "The fog on the Tyne is all mine all mine..." until I fall asleep with dreams of a pastel Whitley Bay.
Now that's enough of the linky linky, I believe. If I do anymore I just might sprain my html ligament. It's the same ligament used for one-handed typing, you know. We all can relate to that sort of need.
Back to the moose: So, I spent my first day of "vacation" today up in the mountains. Mind you, I've had to adjust what my vacation is, due to obvious reasons. Anyway, my sister and I drove up to a lake to chill out and take in some Motha Nacho. Seriously, that is Mother Nature's street name. Okay, I just made that one up today. Anyway, It was there that I came within a dozen feet of my spirit animal. Read the title again. There, that wasn't so hard, now was it?
Why the moose? Shit, I don't know. Usually, these animals are mean as a gonorrhea drip and twice as unpleasant if you happen to breathe on them the wrong way. Moose kill more people than grizzly bears or mountain lions. Think of that next time you are thinking of putting a pine cone on one's head and taking a picture of it (Yellowstone Boy Scout Camp, 1989). They are a bit solitary and I don't know if that is a good thing for me right now, but they are strong.
What it was, I believe, was the twenty minutes of sitting on a rock right next to it while it was eating. I coughed and it would then grumble back. He gave me that look like, "I fuckin' kill ya, boyo! But, you ain't a'troublin' me none. Go ahead an' sit on that rock." So, I am not a moose, but that is the kind of animal that I want to channel spiritually.
Well, maybe it wasn't the moose. It could have been that squirrel with the huge nuts.
3 years ago