Monday, July 09, 2007

I'm stocking up on marshmallows

Well, unless you have just fallen off the turnip truck, you'd know that Cap'n Grunt makes his home in the arid state of Utah. Right now the total square mile area that is on fire in this state is about the size of the state of New York. The air quality has a smokey quality to it and I can barely see the freaking big-ass mountain range that I live on. No fires are near where I live, but the lower 2/3rds of the state are turning into Kingsford briquettes as we speak.

In case any of you readers have the desire, there is a shortage of wilderness fire fighters. So, there's your call for adventure, high risk, and low pay. Oh, and I hear the ham sandwiches are to die for.

The biggest fire in our state has only 109 fire fighters working it. This fire has consumed an area larger than the Salt Lake Valley. Of those who know how big this area is, can you imagine what only 109 people could do in an area this big, this rugged, and on fire could do?

Needless to say that someone (me) who has had an infected respiratory system is not enjoying the current air quality. I will just deal with it and try to stay indoors.

I am just waiting for some dipshit to light the mountains where I live on fire. It seems to happen every year. Some brainless kid will go up in the dry brush and decide that it is a great place to lay down some cover with "smoke grenades" while playing paint ball. There was a kid just a couple of years ago that did this with smoke bombs. Lit a whole mountain on fire. Guess what? His parents got a six-figure bill for the fire fighting expenses. It actually cost much more than that to fight the fire.

It gets even better. A homeless man burned a stretch of three mountain sides right behind where I live. He just wanted a place to stay during the holidays and figured that starting a small fire would only put him in jail for about 8 months. Oh, he got a place to stay alright: a fuck me up the ass state prison, not a cozy county jail. I still have to look at blackened forests whenever I go up my favorite local canyon. A bunch of dumb asses is what these people are that start these fires. However, living here you know that natural fires just happen.

On the plus side: FUCKIN' S'MORES DUDE!!!

P.S. I finally did something with one of my neglected step blogs. Go to "Grunty's Blogs" on the sidebar, or whatever in the hell it says, and check out "I'm Bill Gates, Bitch!" I know I'm ripping off Dave Chappelle a bit there, so cram it.


Outdoorsy Girl said...

And just when we got our forest fires controlled here and I'm breathing easy! So I'll get to breathe in that smoggy, smoky, lung-scratching air in SLC? Sweet! That's my luck!

By the way, I am sooo glad that you weren't one of those brainless, pyromaniac kids setting the mountains on fire! lol.

vera said...

I was saddened when a large part of the forest where I grew up was consumed by two massive fires abou 7 years ago... A lightning strike in a dry wilderness can do copious amounts of "damage" but nature is freaking amazing. The renewals ia beautiful. Shortly after the fires, from the ashes arose the growth and now the forest is looking lush and green. The contrast with the darkened bark of burned trees makes for amazing photographs. Anyway, I know some fires are not caused by nature's own way of purging deadgrowth, but here's to hoping that regardless of what the cause, the new growth will sprout and make things just as beautiful again!!

PS: Yah, I'm a nerd.

blog Portland said...

Why is it that the Oregon State Weed Forest upwind from my house never catches fire?

Beth said...

When I was little we has a forest fire. It was big. And it started with some teachers whos car broke down on some dry grass. My brothers and I had fun playing in the primary growth shortly after that and we used to hunt for coals to make "Indian Make Up". It was lovely. Only because a lot of local people chould afford to rebuild the houses that burned down so they sold out and moved to the City. Thus the area is now overrun by yappes that pay too much for their new summer homes.

And I am not bitter....

goldennib said...

This is further proof of the end of the world, that's all.

Scary Monster said...

Iffin Me showed up at the fire them wilderness fire fighter guys would hunt me down with pitchforks!


RevRee said...

I love s'mores!

The Grunt said...

O-Girl~ Well, just think of it as a place that has atmosphere. I don't recall anything about being a pyro as a kid.

Vera~ You are a nerd and that is why I like you. The problem here is that pine trees have a hard time regrowing and we eventually just have oak brush and weeds everywhere.

JJ~ Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. You also can start them, but I wouldn't recommend it.

Beth~ I think my town is getting overrun with Yappes, except here we call them "Rich Californians". Welcome to my blog!

Nessa~ I see that you are an optimist. Very nice;) Wait, does this mean I can run naked and screaming through the streets?

Scary~ Yeah, something tells me that firebreathing isn't exactly forest friendly.

Revree~ S'mores are campfire crack cocaine. I can't resist them. Welcome to my blog!

Beth said...

I like Smores too... problem is Hershey's chocolate is hard to come by in BZ

Karyn said...

S'mores. Way to look on the bright side, baby!

We don't have forest fires here but then, I live on a sandbar. I feel for you ; it must be way sad.

So they're looking for wilderness firefighters huh? Gotta be easier than the fires I'm putting out around here. Plus sandwiches you say!

I'm so there.