Sunday, July 29, 2007

Post Toasties

Zebras are stylish, with their striped coats and all. I wonder if the hyenas secretly feel insecure about this.

I've been drinking a special tea that looks and tastes like pond scum. It is wonderful for my immune system, but it is what I imagined felching would be like. Maybe I should try drinking it out of a....or maybe not. Jeez, I cannot believe I almost went there.

Am I the only one that dreams up sexy back stories and love affairs between the
Tapatio picante sauce man and the Cholula lady? I think that this should be the subject of a future post. I can't stop thinking how great their offspring would taste on my chorizo con huevos. Did I mention that my brother is Mexican? I still think it was the irrigation man and not the neighbor's pool boy.

Oh, to be out at sea peeing off the side of a boat onto a smiling dolphin. It's been one of those days, sorry. Well, maybe not bad, per se. It's probably more accurate to say that I'd be peeing on a somewhat emotionless sea creature of random choosing. There, I hope that one is less upsetting for you.

I have found that new pillows need a period of time to break in. What you do to get it to the desired state is totally your own business, perverts.

In the wild, ants can be a good source of protein. However, one must note that they are to be taken orally and not up the urethra. Oh, and please don't shove that termite infested stick up your ass either. Fetch...what am I, your mother?

When shaking a black person's hand it is important to note that not all black persons like doing "jive" handshakes. That black person's name is Sydney Poitier. He is a "black" actor, just in case you still need help perpetuating the differences in humankind. I am rooting for the Inuit next Oscars. The Inuit are like Mexicans, except colder.

The End?


EBEZP said...

The end?
Oh I hope not - you can keep absolutely useless, trivial, insignificant thoughts and facts........coming forever!!

Great, meaningless post Grunt!!


Soul Seared Dreamer said...

Haha. Great post.

But (as you foresaw) peeing on the dolphin was very upsetting. I'm now in need on a hug, anyone interested?

PS - We'll all be here waiting eagerly to join you in celebration of your triumph over the Hodkins. And yes it will be sweeter with people to share such joy with.

Scary Monster said...

Me has never considered what it would be like to felch and Me be damned certain me ain't never gonna drink anything that even remotely put the image into me head.
The tough thing about peeing on dolphins is that they move around too much to get it into the blowhole.

Colder than Mexicans, LMAO!!!


Clearlykels said...

If peeing off the side of the boat will make you happy, I saw go for it.

Scott said...

It is about time that the Inuit got their due. Such terrible discrimination to our brothers and sisters from to the Far North.

Karyn said...

Felching... sweet merciful crap, you made me snark iced tea up my nose laughing at that one...

The End my foot; do not make me go west, young man, and go all psycho redhead on your ass.

vera said...

I am part Inuit and have been melting in this heat... *pant pant*

However I have not clubbed a baby seal nor eaten it's blubber... I am wondering what Seal Blubber Chalupa would taste like...

Sydney Poitier isn't black, he just plays one on TV.


blog Portland said...

I've always imagined Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima getting down for some hot, octogenarian loving, after which he forces her to whip up some pancakes.

goldennib said...

I think there's something very special in that tea you are drinking.

I hate buying new pillows because they are so poofy.

I like my pillows and my towels to be lean and worn. My husband's like that too (no, not really. Don't tell him I said that.)

Photogirl said...

Its very early for this kind of randomness...I am glad I have a cup of coffee with me, otherwise I'd be completely lost!

Mayden' s Voyage said...

Hugs Grunt~ that's all I came over to do :) (and get caught up...and now I know how to survive in the wild by eating ants! :)

Sun Follower said...

I'm Mexican, so your brotherr and I can act out your fantasy... but my brother is Inuit. Do you have sister?

Christielli said...

mmmmmmmmmm pond scum tea. Where can I get it??

The Grunt said...

ebezp~ It's not the end it's just a corny ending that will lead to an inevitable sequel.

Soul Seared Dreamer~ Many of my posts are disturbing, but in a funny way. Also, you can always get a hug from sombody around here. Thanks for being part of my support system too.

Scary~ That is why it takes years of practice and good hand eye coordination to do it. When you finally hit the blow hole the reward is big my friend.

Kels~ It would make me happy. Will you be there when they give me my first place peeing of the side of the boat onto a dolphin trophy?

Scott~ Amen brother! I figure the Inuit just might be one of the few remaining races of people who have not done anything to screw up the world.

Karyn~ At least that way your nose gets refreshment as well.

Vera~ Seal blubber chalupas just might be a hit. Man, it's been like 105 degrees F here.

JJ~ I see a pornographic sitcom in the making.

Nessa~ Exactly! I like thread bare towels and small, yet firm pillows. This new pillow of mine is like some kind of monster that tries to eat my head at night.

Celeste~ You might also want to put some mescaline in that coffee of yours in order to get everything I post. I'm just saying.

Cora~ Knowing how to survive in the wild is important. I can thank my new TV idol Bear for my new skills.

Sun~ Well, my family has Native American blood on my mother's side and my brother seemed to get hit with it pretty good. He is brown skinned and dark haired, but with blue eyes. When we lived in Phoenix his friends were primarily Mexican because he fit in better with them. Anyway, I have three sisters. I think we could make the Tapatio/Cholula thing a reality.

The Grunt said...

Christielli~ You snuck that one in there while I was typing all my responses. The pond scum tea has a name and I forgot it. This stuff really works and you eventually get used to drinking it.

Sun Follower said...

Tell your brother to call me and make sure his sombrero is securely fastened.


Jules said...

Shit. I'm late with my response yet again. I just was wondering if it is a really wavy day on your pissing on dolphins sea adventure or is it calm? And... when you look at the pee in the water, is it all shimmery like gasoline from all the pond scum you're drinking?

Jules said...

P.S. Since no-one else did first, I'll offer you that hug you're so in need of now, SSD!