Today marks my seventh chemotherapy session. I will no doubt be feeling pretty messed up and wishing that I was all done with it. I'm really tired right now and should be in bed, but I had to post something--it's how I get good email in the form of comments from you guys.
Sometimes I feel like a brave soul in battle and other times I feel completely frail and lost. In the midst of this pendulum effect I get brief periods where I forget about my cancer and can think of silly things like I used to. I'm not having that moment of pause happen right now.
What's happening now are all the thoughts of my port being accessed, the smells, and the sounds of the infusion room that cue my stomach to feel uneasy and my throat to tighten. There is an awful taste in my mouth that lingers for some days afterward that either makes food rotten, or when I can't taste so well, is the only thing there. I'm losing weight.
People try to help and understand what it is that I'm going through. But I get so tired of being reminded of my situation that when I am asked how I am doing I get a bit upset. I hide it pretty well, though.
I'm getting used to my little alien implant (porta-cath). I refer to it as my "radio dial". Now that I am losing weight it is clearly visible as a dark area under my skin. Of course, it was visible as a protrusion before. Now it is just a bit more freaky. Maybe I should refer to it as my third nipple.
I haven't lost any more hair on my head, but I keep losing it all over my body. I don't have any nostril hair now and my nose keeps running. I look like a snot-nosed kid half the damn time.
Older women (50+) still rub my head. I don't know what is up with the younger generations of women. I need the 20-30 year old crowd on my head. That did not sound right. Well....
My faithful truck Clyde has been a good boy of late. No break downs or otherwise. He turns thirty in November and looks good. I think I can squeeze another decade out of the guy. It takes a lot of love to keep the elderly from the scrap yard. Now that I'm getting more and more run down, it is time for him to take care of me. Thanks buddy!
It has been almost two years since I killed a weasel with a leaf blower.
4 years ago