How are we all doing? I'm just sitting here wondering what to post about. I'm kind of drawing a blank. Those are easy to draw, BTW. All you have to do is take out a fresh piece of paper and viola, you've drawn a blank!
I've learned this one truth throughout my life and certainly now: If it isn't one thing, it's another. I have found that when the doctors told me that "You don't have to stop living your life now that you've got cancer" they were absolutely right. Remember, life includes all those sucky bits too. I still have to deal with a crap ass landlord, more bills than there are forests to supply the demand for paper to print them on, girls that won't go out with me, work, and getting stuck in traffic. Life also includes the good stuff, which includes you guys.
I accept life. The pain and the tragedy of life are part of what I accept. Even though I accept those things I don't revel in them or approve. I have the right to anger and disgust, but I know that life and the world will always have more than it's share of what I've mentioned. So, I go with it and try my best to keep my small stage interesting and happy.
I have things right now, other than my health, that are putting a great deal of stress on me. I am prone to anxiety with the chemicals that they treat me with. I have found it harder to deal with stress now more than ever. However, I do my best and try to get through the tough times without too much hassle.
I never could have imagined that this is where I'd be at this time in my life. If that is true now, I wonder what my life will be like in ten years. I wonder about the longevity of the words that I write in this blog. Will I matter in the long run? Will people still remember me? I hope so. I've made some great friends through this medium and I wouldn't want to forget about them.
I've felt pretty vulnerable lately as well. That is a new feeling for me in the amount that I have felt it. Mercy is a blessing that I accept with gratitude, and do I ever need it. Grace is another essential gift that I could not do without. I'm experiencing what it is to be meek and humble. I have no place for being puffed up and aloof to helping hands. It is harder than you can imagine for me to be in this position.
If anything, I now have real compassion for others. I used to think that I had it, but certainly it is on a whole different level now. I also am keenly aware of my mortality and how fragile it is. It is a prize to live, yet you can't just live and be a winner. So, even though I have a deeper appreciation for life, I am still left with, "What in the hell am I going to do with it?"
Did I mention that I wanted to be a firetruck when I grew up?
3 years ago