There is no doubt that Rocky kicks ass, as evident in the first two movies. However, we were subjected to more and more of this Italian Stallion's extra 21st chromosome of a life story: Going from training in a gaudy, palatial, media drome facility to either some hood pit and/or Siberian Summer home; raising annoying offspring with bad taste in rebellious ear rings; rags to riches, to rags again, melodrama; Bridget Nielsen; and Uncle Paulie's robot girlfriend. Oh, and not to mention that the U.S.S.R. had nuclear powered gyms with loads of blinking lights and laser graphics--while we all know their shit is still getting converted from vacuum tubes to transistors.
Also, there is the little matter of Rocky going from "Sloth" (Goonies) to articulate millionaire, and then back to New Jersey wharf rat retard/Sloth again--except he's from Philly. What in the hell was Adrian doing to this poor man? I think at some point she gave up listening him try to read his stocks out loud in order to speed up the morning breakfast and started putting salt peter and lead chips in his oatmeal. She liked him better dumb anyway, just with less humping now that her bones were brittle. I really don't know where I was going with that one.
The most TIGF!!!, but in a good way, was the music of Survivor. If it were not for "The Eye of the Tiger", who knows how bad that fool would have been pitied. In fact, "Rocky III" features the gayest scene ever: Rocky and Apollo running together on a beach, followed by a wet, encircling embrace. I think the only thing that kept them from doing each other right then and there was Rocky's strict "no butt sex for six weeks" rule before each fight.
Here is the full training sequence from Rocky III, complete with "happy ending". Enjoy!
4 years ago