Thursday, October 18, 2007

TIGF!!! (That's Incredibly Gay Friday): Man Nips

When the words "man" and "rosebud" are joined together I pray to God in Heaven that they will be used to discuss the subject of childhood lost and not some dude's pointy-pepperoni erogenous zones. This next line will be spent admiring my use of the cinematic masterpiece "Citizen Kane" and nipples in one sentence...ahhhhhhhhh!

Seriously though, man nips are seriously TIGF!!! Whether they are in a bad way or in a super good way depends on your orientation. Does this then mean that man nips are actually TIBF??? Naw, I'm not starting a new day to write about. Besides, bisexuals are still gay. You can't double dip and return the ranch back to Bonanza; I'm sorry. As an aside, what, if possible, would a bi-bisexual be into? Take your time and think about that one a bit. Uh, not while your boss is watching.

So, if you are a man who does not like having one ounce of him being gay, what can you do about your man nips? First, you can get a belt sander and take them down to Ken Doll in a matter of seconds. Second, and least painful, never take off your shirt. Third, band aids to blindfold the milk eyes: they are painful to take off though, relative to the degree of chest hair present at the time. Of course, you could shave off your chest hair or not have any in the first place, thus making the removal of said band aids painless. However, not having chest hair is gay in a super bad way--seriously, it is unnatural--a lumberjack once told me this.

My mother said to never trust lumberjacks, but this one had an honest face under that huge beard of his. Plus, he showed me where leprechauns came from once, and that changed my life forever.

Where was I? Oh yes. Man nips are a fact of life; there is no getting around it. If you are a man, no matter how manly, you are partly TIGF!!! Deal.


Nessa said...

Since I don't have man nips, I want to know where leprechauns come from.

Scary Monster said...

He gots man nips and Me wants to know where leprchauns come from too.


And don't tell me they are from Oz. That would be too gay fer friday.

STOMP again.

Corn Dog said...

I made the mistake of turning on the Boob Tube on The Biggest Loser. Those guys have man nips that exceed my nips. They should be shopping at Victor Secret.

Jules said...

Ahhhhh... I luv me some good lookin' man nips!

Photogirl said...

what about pierced man nips? cuz now we're talking about man nips with jewelry. that's got to be TIGF on a whole new level!

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Never thought of them that way before. Easy to say since I'm not a man. I'll take your word for it.

The Grunt said...

Nessa~ I don't know if I am ready to tell you where they come from. Are you sitting down?

Scary~ They are not from OZ. It's a bit disturbing to tell the truth. Maybe I'll do a post about it in the future.

Corn Dog~ HAHA! Victor Secret--I like it!!!

Jules~ Do you also stare longingly at your double pepperoni pizza?

Celeste~ You are right. Nip rings are man nip bling. It only makes it more incredibly gay.

O-girl~ I invite you to view pictures of Greg Louganis as evidence.

Claire said...

The Citizen Kane moment...genius!


Nessa said...

Now you have peaked my curiosity.

Chandra said...

man nips = tolerable
Man boobies that require a manzier (aka George Costanza) blahhhh those are scary!

Been thinking about you lots lately... hope you are doing well :)

Keshi said...

LOL @last line!

Grunty u cool dude! :)


The Grunt said...

Claire~ Where have you been? I miss having you drop by, you know.

Nessa~ Peaked, eh? Well, expect a fascinating post on their origins in the future.

Chandra~ I hope you've been thinking nice things about me:)

Keshi~ You are a darling!

Karyn said...

Girls have been doing the bandaid thing for perpetuity but only to hide the high beams. I'm not sure why; guys seem to dig 'em.

I think it's creepy when guys shave their bodies. I'd rather grapple with some body hair than TRY to grapple with some shiny pink dolphin like thing. Yeesh.