Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Sperm Whales and Mayonnaise

Since I've been talking about dreams lately, and being off me tit, I decided to keep on going with my dreams.

I once had a dream that I had an underwater ranch. It was much like the ranches you see out in the country except that I milked sperm whales. They had udders and everything. Somehow, I think the idea of offering sperm whale milk to the masses would not catch on. The words "sperm" and "milk" have connotations that most could not swallow. Anyways, tuna were my chickens of the sea--naturally.

Have you ever had condiments play major roles in your dreams? I'm not even talking sexy ones, folks. I once had a dream that I got in trouble for throwing pickles at people from my roof top. This led to a police chase. I led the police to a hillside, whereupon I got out a jar of mayonnaise and a huge butter knife. I proceeded to spread in big letters on the hillside, "Go Away!" The cops got stuck in the mayonnaise and I was able to fly away. This makes me wonder, if flight were possible why then did I not choose to fly away from the cops in the first place? Oh yeah, they got helicopters and shit. Still, dream flying is some bad ass action. I highly recommend doing it whenever possible.

I'm still waiting for the real life equivalent "Cops" episode.


Nessa said...

Your dreams really put me off your tit.

"The words "sperm" and "milk" have connotations that most could not swallow." Great sentence.

I love dream flying; mayo not so much.

Clearlykels said...

You have some really creative dreams-- wow. I think you are right about sperm whale milk. Also, I don't think you would want to be the one who milked them!

Scary Monster said...

What's all this stuff about me Cap'ns tit.

Me dreams, while almost never including condiments, often involve car chases with taxi cabs. Not the shitty little ones you see on TV, but the big old Checker cabs of NY in the 60's.

Still smells like cigar smoke.

EBEZP said...

Dreams oh yeah that was Fleetwood Mac wasn't it?!

Outdoorsy Girl said...

I can always count on your dreams to have me in stitches!

I had to read 1st sentence in your paragraph twice. I thought you said you had an underwear ranch. LOL!!!! The sperm whales and milking were even more disturbing when I thought you had an underwear ranch! ;)

Christielli said...

I once had a dream about playing volleyball with a head of lettuce; lettuce is kind of sort of a condiment. Well, not really I guess, but that's the best I could come up with.

Hope you're taking care. :)

Keshi said...

some horny dreams they r Grunty :):)

**The cops got stuck in the mayonnaise and I was able to fly away



Photogirl said...

this might just be the best blog post title ever.

and underwater ranch would be awesome.

The Grunt said...

Nessa~ Dream flying is the shiznit. Mayo is fattening so maybe light mayo or salad dressing, even in dreams.

Kels~ My dreams fuel my imagination and vice versa. I think if I weren't able to remember them I'd be pretty dull.

Scary~ A car chase dream in a real checker cab would be very cool. I'm thinking a "French Connection" style chase. Bitchin'! The "off me tit" thing is just a Brit way of saying "I'm over the moon".

Ebezp~ You deserve a prize for that. I'm sure one of the lovely girls around here can help you out.

O-Girl~ Now you will have some strange dream about me in my underwear milking a cow. Enjoy!

Christielli~ I had a good day today, but it was rough going there for a bit. The lettuce dream sounds like it was a riot.

Keshi~ I know! What's up with that?

Celeste~ You know, I just wrote the title as it came and then I started laughing at it. See, I suprize even myself.

Jules said...

I had a dream once where I went to watch a mud wrestling competition except that the mud was the Sweet Onion Teriyaki sauce from Subway.

Thought that was sort of strange.

Karyn said...

I love dream flying; that is some seriously whacked out stuff. Wish I could order it up on demand, but so far, no dice.

Stupid non-flying biped.