Thursday, June 22, 2006

TIGF!!!

I can't seem to load pictures today, so I will have to think long and hard. Maybe faster, too. No, I'll slow down just a bit and mix in a few sudden bursts of intensity.

Euphemisms, we love them dearly. Like the taco and the frankfurter. One represents the love of Volvos and the other represents the love of Greyhounds...wait, now I'm confused. Well, I think that you are all intelligent people, except for Roger. Roger, you suck. Get a life, dude!

So, if you love tacos or a good Ball Park Frank, let me throw this one at you: Tacos can be either hard or soft, while most footlongs are flacid and covered in yellow stuff. I love over thinking stuff until it's not funny anymore. But, am I to believe that I can no longer proclaim my love for sausage and Coney dogs because I don't want someone calling me a homofaggabutt? I love hotdogs!!!! I love them and eat them with condiments too.

I love tacos, mostly pork and lengue tacos. I think that I will wear a T-shirt with "Taco Eater" on the front. It is like having a neon sign of heterosexuality wherever I go--that and my "Muff Diver" license plate. Then I'll go around and lie about my penis size. I have never figured this one out. I had an old man tell me once that an empty shell is the loudest when it falls. I had to think about this one for a long time. What he meant was that in the war they could tell on the ship whether it was a live round or an empty round by how much noise it made when it hit the deck--not the enemy's. We're talking about the stored rounds. Okay, I've labored this too much before getting to my point. The point is, those lacking in substance are the loudest. Or as I figure it, they doth protest too much and are puffed up. Of course the live round is the loudest in the end, but it performs. Examples are not perfect, either. But you get me, right?

I have always been content with proving myself first before I go and start making any kind of proclamations. Another old man once told me "Average is one size fits all! Figure out what to do with it and you'll be alright." I can't imagine what kind of life is defined by one part of a person's anatomy: "Bob has a huge penis. Bob's a big dick. He's not much good for anything else, but boy is he a prick!" Can you imagine only being famous or revered for one thing--something that you are not even responsible for developing? Does a man who has a 12-inch penis even get down on his knees at night and thank God for it? No, I would imagine not. It's all the other misguided men who think that the solution for overcoming being bad in bed is getting huge. They have prayed to Gods throughout time, asking for length and girth, when all they needed to do is respect women.

Here's the gay part: Men are the one's most fascinated with penis size and looking at large penises. High school gym showers are a prime example of this. Dudes are constantly checking out other dude's dicks, why? Insecurity, that's why. Bruce Lee once said something like this, after asking his pupil to point at the moon, "If you focus on the tip of the finger you will miss out on all the moon's heavenly glory." I don't make any claims, but my eyes are fixed squarely on the moon.

8 comments:

Logophile said...

Yeah, never hear women talking about having a huge...taco
Thank goodness, just thinking about it made me throw up in my throat a little.

Chief Scientist said...

How can you see the moon when my ginormous penis is in the way?

The Grunt said...

Well, when you add the cow jumping over the moon, this little metaphor gets incredibly sexy, no?

goldennib said...

There is nothing sexier than the taco/frankfurter image. I bet you'd make a fortune in video sales if you produced a few films.

Gentleman-hobbs said...

But a 1000 words always paints better than a picture mate

"K" Fingerett said...

Interesting topic here Grunt Man... but then again, it always is :P

Glad to see you're still holding things down around here.

And that bit about guy's "insecurity" ... I had no idea...


~K

"K" Fingerett said...

Oh and what became of Thomas' site? ... is he gone? My link to his page wont work any more...


~K

vera said...

heh