Friday, June 16, 2006

The TIGF sans pictures

Darn it, I can't do the normal TIGF on this here stolen PC. So, I will talk about a few things TIGF.

I watched "Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang" last night and that was one awesome flick. Val Kilmer's character Gay Perry was exceptional--perfect for a TIGF mention. I wan't to be this man, with the exception of man on man pitching and cathing. Robert Downey Jr. is of course the great actor who would be if not for his "toot-toot, shoot-shoot, puff-puff", and does his character Harry Lockhart with just enough homophobic flair so as to leave the inevitble comedic tension in good shape. Michelle Monaghan is just drop dead gorgeous, enough said.

Why do I bring up this movie for TIGF? It's not necessarily because of Gay Perry. The reason is what drew me to this DVD in the first place: a homophobic dude with his girlfriend. Yeah, here's this couple checking out the cover of the DVD, dude: "Kiss, Kiss....Hmmmn, features that druggie dude and Batman." Girl: "Well, on the back it says that Batman is a 'tough as nails gay detective'". Dude, "Shit, that's enough. I don't want to see some damn faggot-ass detective prance around in a movie for two hours." I imagined the rest of the convo going like this:

Girl: "Oh, Hubert! You're such a morally upright and manly man. How on earth do you keep all those other women from ripping off your clothes?"

Manly man: "Well, I use non-stick Pam to keep them from clinging on to me. Did I mention that I am most certainly not gay--like 100% not? Please stroke my fragile sense of sexual identity, before I go all Sodom and Gomorrah on that red-haired hunk looking over here."

Just lucky to be with manly man "girl": "Oh, Hubie! Why do you even bring yourself down to my level when you could have any woman in the whole wide world? Like, you could satisfy them all and then be taken right up to heaven in a twinkling of an eye, you righteous so and so (the blessings of gay bashing are numerous--Gods loves it when you do this, BTW).

So yeah, I think that Hubert is the model man for all of us. Because he publicly announces his disgust and hatred for gays, this must logically follow that he is most certainly, definitely, not gay--like 100% not gay. He makes other manly men, such as I, seem like mere dandies in comparison. I will have to go and repent for having love for my fellow man--including ones not like myself. We all know that Jesus taught us to be selective in who we choose to love, "Love God, love thyself, love thy neighbor--if he's white and straight. Don't give the time of day to those who are poor, brown, or taketh it up the hiney, for they are not my children and should be treated as the dirt under thy feet." Remember this one? Yeah, it's so in the Bible it's not even funny. It's in the same book that tells you that Satan falsifies geological records in order to decieve us--he likes to pull little boners on us so that we come up with silly useless things, such as medicine and science. We all know how we have totally not benefitted from those, right?

(Please excuse spelling errors. I don't have the time to do spell check and I'm a horrible speller. Do you still love me?)


Scott said...

Loved the movie as well. Went to see it with a mildly homophobic friend who was quite nervous about going to see it.

Have a great weekend.


Logophile said...

I love the Grant, even when he is poorly spelled. Tee hee
Will add this to my list of movies to watch.
Nice to see ya!

Melliferous Pants said...

How could we not still love you? Spelling, shmelling!

Non-stick Pam? I'm going to remember that.

The Grunt said...

You really like me! I'm stealing again. This is just out of hand, I tells ya. I will have a real computer soon--tomorrow I hope.

vera said...

i second guess myself when i spell words like "the" and "and"... see, there i go again.
good to see you're stealing the internet and im hoping for a swift recovery for your comatose (did i spell that right?) computer.

Anonymous said...

Of course we still love you, a "manly-man" sort of way.

Etayne said...

You're funny.
Thank you! Love what you wrote.