Preliminary kudos to Guggs, Vera, and Crystal for providing me with an out for creating a post. Here we go!
1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
Parked in my truck in a supermarket parking lot, listening to the new Sonic Youth CD, trying to get a hold of somebody on my cell phone. You know who you are, but you came through for me anyway. Thanks!
2. Who are you in love with?
It should read "Whom", because I am in love with y'all. I have a roomy and lush heart, wanna feel it?
3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
Yeah, in college. It was that, or join in on shooting up peanut butter in the neck vein.
4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
My glans and my nipples.
5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
Saturday, and I saw a married woman's bare under curves, almost the empire's gates. I love cut off Levis. She totally smiled back at me. Maybe it was just an engagement ring, who knows?
6. Are you wearing socks right now?
Yes, and they stink because I've been wearing my work boots all day.
7. Do you have anything over $2,000?
Yes, surgery scars from an appendectomy and removal of a growth that wrapped itself around my colon. That and Clyde.
8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
Town is only seven miles long, so WTF? Memorial Day I went out to the mountains by the chemical weapons burn facility to shoot stuff and go four wheelin'. Wendover is not too far away, so Black Jack and Craps tables are always a good choice.
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
Yes, I saw "Nacho Libre" and laughed my ass off. BTW, since you got blown off Crystal, I'll be requiring a ten minute viewing of said panties. I think that I'm strange enough.
10. Are you hot?
In the climate sense? Not now--central air. But I did work outside for most of the day in the sweltering heat. I am the Red Haired Mexican, after all.
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
A Fresca. Not my choice, but sometimes you've just gotta take what you can get.
12. What are you wearing right now?
Blue T-shirt, faded and ripped blue Dickies jeans, Rocky steel-toed work boots (The real deal. Not beautiful, but they keep my dogs safe and happy).
13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
I try to do a deep water crossing to clean Clyde. It's how a real truck should roll, yo!
14. Last food that you ate?
Ham, brownie, roll, potatoes. It was from a meeting of many great minds. I get to sit under the table and they hand feed me scraps.
15. Where were you last week at this time?
Well, it's 1:46am, so probably at the computer writing long ass emails, posts, or listening to how great my new album is.
16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
17. When is the last time you ran?
I run up the stairs at work all the time (only four levels). I also like to try to do pull-ups in the doorways. I'm getting better.
18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
This is sad. Probably Dallas vs. Miami. I miss John Stockton and Karl Malone.
19. What is your favorite animal?
20. Your dream vacation?
Mars. It just has to be the reason I'm so different. But I would like to visit my second mother in England. She's canny, like. Sandra, I will come back to the Oval. I will beat those blokes up what hurt Sampson, and I will give you the biggest hugs and kisses legal in the UK. Do you still shop at Tescos? I like their bickies.
21. Last person's house you were in?
Dave's and that was some good BBQ. Too bad I had to piss everyone off by not being a ditto head.
23. Have you been in love?
Only the type that crushes my heart into little pieces. I can't seem to find a happy medium that doesn't involve castration.
24. Do you miss anyone right now?
Yes. If I told you who all they were, I'd have to rub your hair until it hurt.
25. Last play you saw?
I only do plays if it gets me some. I will make an effort to see one of my highly talented and supremely funny professional comedian/actor cousin's plays. It runs in the family, but I can't seem to make any money at it, yet.
27.What are your plans for tonight?
Well, sleep. It's now 2:00am.
28. Who is the last person you sent a myspace message or comment?
I don't do Myspace. Does that make me a square? I did have a nice convo with someone mega cool. You know who you are. Your secret is safe with me.
29. Next trip you are going to take?
Fly fishing excursion to the North Uintahs. I will be having many shit tizzies, I hope.
30. Ever go to camp?
Yes I have, but I found Crystal's comment to be rather enjoyable: "Campfire camp, which was like the generic girl scout camp. Oh, and I went to church camp once. Got my first, you know, woman-thing there. Should have known God hated me from that moment."
31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
K-2, I was super straight A. Then my world went to shit and I was a drop out case. Then at 25, I went back to college and repeatedly made the honor roll and the high honor roll a few times. I was also invited into the Honor's Society, but I didn't want any of that at the time. Mistake!
32. What do you want to know about the future?
Will there still be Happy Meals when I'm 90?
33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Right Guard pit stick. I don't do the Irish bath. I sweat for a living.
34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
I went to a clueless clinic where the doc asked me what I thought I had, and then he offered me a prescription for that illness. What a total scam. I pay a co-pay just to diagnose myself.
36. What happened to 35?
It is doing 36 up the hiney hole.
37. Do you have a tan?
If I could work naked, I'd have skin cancer and the best tan in the world. Unfortunately, I have to wear clothes, so I have a farmer's tan. Ewwwwwwww!
38. What are you listening to right now?
The fan of the computer. Music-wise? Wolfmother (they rock my world, totally), Sonic Youth's new CD, Flaming Lips "In a Priest Driven Ambulance", my music, and "Songs of Pain" by Daniel Johnston.
39. Do you collect anything?
Mullard 12ax7 long plate preamp tubes. The sweetest tone known to man. Also, RCA blackpate power tubes, from the fifties. Talk about rolling overdrive, sheeeeewhooooo! I love the old technology when it comes to my amplifiers--that I make. Guitar tone is one thing. Your amp and speakers are your true voice--besides playing dynamics. Don't settle for new fangled digital emulation junk. Get the real deal, baby! It's worth the thousands of dollars. Unless you are a gifted son of a bitch like me, and can teach yourself how to D.I.Y. like a pimp.
40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
My boss. She has to be in every body's business, and I just want to slap her.
41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
May 8, 2006: my birthday. I was going 50 in a 30 and I got off, because I have great interpersonal skills and an innocent face.
42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
I'd rather just drink it from a heavy glass, but yeah, Diet Coke at McDonald's.
44. Do you like hot sauce?
They haven't made one yet that I didn't like.
45. Last time you took a shower?
This morning, after I mowed the lawn just prior to going to work.
46. Do you need to do laundry?
This has too many connotations. I've got clothes that need washing, yes. My life has plenty of dirty laundry. I just appear to be innocent. Don't take me at face value. I've killed hobos...in a former life.
47. What is your heritage?
English 60%, Danish 30-something%, German--a pinch, Cherokee--enough to make my brother look like a wetback, seriously!
48. Are you some one's best friend?
Yes, I'm like twenty people's best friend. I am always the friend never the dishwasher.
49. Are you rich?
I have almost zero debt. My school loan is about paid off. Clyde (former life he was named Victor, after Frankenstein's monster) is mine 100%, because I built the mother up from nothing (I'm the shiznit!). I have a rich life of pain and joy. I have connected with people from around the world and made a significant difference in their lives. I can write novels, stories, sometimes poetry (fag), and write and compose songs. I have studied psychology and epistemology--I search for truth fearlessly and with total passion. I actively try to better my neighborhood, anyone around me, and in general will try to uplift anyone, even at my own demise. Because, I know that when I die I will be greeted like a king into the hereafter--I know this. I love my family, despite the whole Gilbert Grapiness of them all. I am a total renaissance man.
Oh, do I make lots of money? No I don't. I guess that means I'm not successful or worth your time.
50. What do you think of the person who took this survey before you?
She has a great pussy. (I didn't need to change that one). She's cool. Like Six Flags cool!
3 years ago