Bowling for Tacos

I thought that writing something nonsensical would be fun. I'm kind of tripping out right now, so this will be interesting.

I have been told that it is impossible to tip over cows. This little bit of information comes from a rancher. So, why don't you readers go out and prove him wrong.

I can make my thumb bend back at a right angle--on it's own. This helps me get noticed when I'm hitch-hiking.

Toast is magic. I mean, it goes with everything: beans, chipped beef, marmalade, butter, you name it--it's always up for a nosh.

I was once asked to work on my sisters car (an 1989 Audi Quattro). It had been sitting in her driveway for over a year, so a whole going-over was needed. Here's the thing: I pop the hood and there are walnut shells and nesting materials crammed into every crevice conceivable. Damn squirrels! They even got walnut shells in the intake manifold. I was fully prepared to play Whack-a-Mole with my #12 Mack Tool combo wrench if any of those beady-eyed little peckers came out after me.

I can make a rabbit named Frankie do back flips when I play my sister's mandolin.

I've been thinking about the prophet Abraham lately. What's wrong with that?

"How many times must a man farmer-blow his nose, before he can call himself a man?"--edited out of original lyrics, "Blowin' in the Wind", Bob Dylan.

I can't tell you how many times I've tried to think about what I want to be when I grow up and the answer is always "Me". That's a total cop out.

Nothing really happened today, but I had a coworker bring me some soup and Mountain Dew over. I've got to say, that gesture almost made me turn gay--like 1/32 poofter.

Beef Jerky sustains me. Actually, it's been Buffalo jerky. It's much leaner. That meat also makes for really good burgers. Try it sometime.

I need to raise the bar, elevate my life, and piss myself for laughs more often.

I am a closet Woody Guthrie.

I am "The Grapes of Wrath".

My heart was a dust bowl.

And so was my past.

Now I'm here

And so I am

A better human

A happier man.

Shalom.