Monday, June 05, 2006

Bowling for Tacos

I thought that writing something nonsensical would be fun. I'm kind of tripping out right now, so this will be interesting.

I have been told that it is impossible to tip over cows. This little bit of information comes from a rancher. So, why don't you readers go out and prove him wrong.

I can make my thumb bend back at a right angle--on it's own. This helps me get noticed when I'm hitch-hiking.

Toast is magic. I mean, it goes with everything: beans, chipped beef, marmalade, butter, you name it--it's always up for a nosh.

I was once asked to work on my sisters car (an 1989 Audi Quattro). It had been sitting in her driveway for over a year, so a whole going-over was needed. Here's the thing: I pop the hood and there are walnut shells and nesting materials crammed into every crevice conceivable. Damn squirrels! They even got walnut shells in the intake manifold. I was fully prepared to play Whack-a-Mole with my #12 Mack Tool combo wrench if any of those beady-eyed little peckers came out after me.

I can make a rabbit named Frankie do back flips when I play my sister's mandolin.

I've been thinking about the prophet Abraham lately. What's wrong with that?

"How many times must a man farmer-blow his nose, before he can call himself a man?"--edited out of original lyrics, "Blowin' in the Wind", Bob Dylan.

I can't tell you how many times I've tried to think about what I want to be when I grow up and the answer is always "Me". That's a total cop out.

Nothing really happened today, but I had a coworker bring me some soup and Mountain Dew over. I've got to say, that gesture almost made me turn gay--like 1/32 poofter.

Beef Jerky sustains me. Actually, it's been Buffalo jerky. It's much leaner. That meat also makes for really good burgers. Try it sometime.

I need to raise the bar, elevate my life, and piss myself for laughs more often.

I am a closet Woody Guthrie.

I am "The Grapes of Wrath".

My heart was a dust bowl.

And so was my past.

Now I'm here

And so I am

A better human

A happier man.

Shalom.

12 comments:

goldennib said...

We ran through cow patties barfoot when we were children.

Abraham is the man.

Have you had elk jerky?

East of Eden - "Timshel"

vera said...

my sister picked up rabbit poo and brought it back to my grandmum saying "Look! Mini-pinecones!!"

12 purple indians paddled a canoe up a tree backwards using pancakes as shingles. what's the moral of the story? apples don't wear vests.

Scott said...

Turkey jerkey is great as well.

Great post!

Scott

PS The Abraham thing is a little odd.

Chris said...

Nothing wrong with thinking about Abraham. Abraham was a righteous dude.

Crystal said...

we exploded cow patties with fire crackers. tried to sneak up behind people and do it. it works best when it's a few hours old. hard exerior, nice moist interior. and the small lasts and lasts.

damn, i miss my childhood.

Mayden's Voyage said...

Are you on vicoden? It kind of sounded like it.
Abraham was quite a man...and quite a father too. (now I've got that dang song in my head...)

THe grapes of wrath...never got around to reading that. Not a cheerful story I don't think!

I think you can tip a cow...tell him not to spit in the wind! ha ha ha! LOL (now who is sounding goofy?)
Your blog brings out the strangest stuff in me, why???

Crystal said...

i am one of them and so are you so let's just praise the lord right arm left arm right foot left foot nod your head turn around sit down!

Christielli said...

"I can make a rabbit named Frankie do back flips when I play my sister's mandolin." <-- That line made me fell like I was on vicodin or something. ;)

I'd run out and try the cow tipping thing to prove you rancher friend wrong, but there just aren't many cows in downtown Toronto... Aw shucks.

Güggs said...

Great random posts...

"I can make my thumb bend back at a right angle--on it's own. This helps me get noticed when I'm hitch-hiking." My version: I can bend at a right angle from the waist...this helps me get noticed when I'm mooning.

The Grunt said...

You guys got me rollin' with fits of laughter, especially Crystal's last comment. Praise Jesus! I think the painkillers are effecting me, but I'm careful. You all enjoy it when I'm tripping, admit it.

My word verification dealy is: pooix

Mayden's Voyage said...

LOL Crystal...that is EXACTLY the song I was thinking of! :)
-Cora :)

Melliferous Pants said...

When I was a little girl I wanted to be president of the United States. It wasn't really the job that attracted me....I blame that damn pink suited, business Barbie doll.