I was feeling flupie again. For an explanation of what "flupie" means, and to read (or re-read) a disturbingly funny post, go here. Anyway, I tried calling friends and family members in order to deflupify myself. I tried watching stupid comedy flicks, such as, Nacho Libre and Blades of Glory. I even busted out my guitar and played all the Black Sabbath riffs that I knew. Alas, nothing seemed to work.
It was around 11:30 PM that I had a toast craving hit me. I popped in my bread into the toaster the same way a man pops his _______ into his wife's ________ after thirty years of marriage. (Your homework assignment is to fill in the blanks using any other words besides the obvious choices and to leave them at the end of your comments here.) I went to the bathroom, read a piece about Chris Rock in Rolling Stone magazine, and came out after with clean hands to butter my toast. That is when the most amazing idea came to me: I should butter both sides of my toast!
You know what? I totally did that shit. It was good too. I think I could hear my heart scraping against my rib cage afterwards, but it was totally worth it. I didn't feel so flupie after that. I'm thinking of continuing doing strange new things, like playing spin the bottle all by myself. Well, maybe not that strange. I guess I could try truth or dare all by my self. Since I am in denial about certain things in my life it could actually help.
Aren't you all glad that you know me?
Earl...
11 years ago
10 comments:
merkin....vitrine.
I always thought it was spellt "floopie". I have been using this word for about ten years, usually to mean limp, or noodly. Like, from on the floor, pinned under a mattress, I might say "I tried to move the bed, but the mattress was heavy and floopy, could you help me get up?"
Husband would naturally point and laugh, all unhelpful like. So I took his merkin out of my vitrine and set it on fire.
Glad the toast helped with the flupie feeling.
the same way a man pops his paycheck into his wife's palm after thirty years of marriage.
the same way a man pops his disappointment into his wife's blabbering after thirty years of marriage.
the same way a man pops his newspaper into his wife's maw after thirty years of marriage.
the same way a man pops his dirty skivvies into his wife's hamper after thirty years of marriage.
If you're as good a kisser as you are a self-acclaimed dirty talker, you're going to have yourself a rockin' time there, kid. Flupies be gone!
(I've got total writer's block on the Man Pops ____ into wife's ____ after 30 years of marriage" exercise, which is too bad because I used to be pretty good at Mad Libs, and I liked it a lot. I think it's the 30 years of marriage part - I've still got failure hangups. But it was a fun idea.)
The man Plops his butt into his wife's car after 30 years of marriage. swear this was the 1st thing to come to mind.
flupies huh??!!! well I like a little toast with my butter and I would consider your toast a delight.
QT
This was the first time you buttered your toast on both sides? I do that EVERY time! I didn't realize there was any other way.
...the same way a man pops his crushed beer cans into his wife's potted plants on the porch instead of walking the extra 10 ft. to the trash can after 30 years of marriage. (It usually doesn't take 30 years for this behavior, however. Lazy bastard.)
**I popped in my bread into the toaster the same way a man pops his _______ into his wife's ________ after thirty years of marriage.
lol like u were even married for 30yrs or more!
Keshi.
snotrag... purse
I'm so glad you wrote that you had clean hands...
Julie~ That was my favorite comment of the day. I mean, your husband's fake pubis deserves a fancy display case.
NYD~ You deserve an award. I recommend popping something into something.
Karyn~ My bologna sandwich thinks I am a good kisser.
QT~ Toast with butter? Now that is something I should try.
OG~ You just cray-z!
Keshi~ I am really 50 with five kids. Do you still love Grunty? April Fools!
Jules~ Yeah, I knew I couldn't skip that part.
ohh man, you're hilarious!
Spin the bottle by yourself?
I would SO butter both sides of the toast. I feaking LOVE buttered toast! (hence the weaning myself off carbs things)
Ok here is my assignment handed in:
"the same way a man pops his phone into his wife's charger after thirty years of marriage"
Grunt, you have been my find of this past year, without a doubt. I've just been through your posts here which showcase why I say the above. Timing has meant I have had so little time online and having been around for years there are certain blogs that habit sometimes more than anything require that I visit first and thus new blogs and irregular blogs, I have neglected almost completely. (Can I just say for no particular reason than that it made me smile so, snap to the Abba Hawaii-5-0 Grease thing). No more missing out (catching up), I'm putting you in the top three. :-D Happy day to you, x
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