I was lonely tonight, so I came on to my blog to see what action it was getting. It was then that I remembered that I had a site meter, of which I've not checked in a long time. So, I decided to check out who has been visiting my blog. Not many today came 'round, but that's alright. I found someone that Google searched "Theodore Grunt" and came to my blog.
Crystal, that was your nickname for me way back when. It is weird that someone else found me that way, or remembered me that way. I don't know if Crystal reads all my posts anymore, but she was one of the first long time Grunt readers, along with Scott, Logo, and Vera. Scott gets extra credit because he's been around this blog since 2005, when I started it.
The post that this person was sent to by Google took me to the past. I decided to review my posts pre-cancer, and I noticed that I have changed a great deal in my style. I'm nowhere near as gonzo anymore, but, I think that I have matured like a fine wine. I also noticed a spooky sense of something "great" that would happen to me right before the shit went down. I also noticed a pattern of me feeling not so good, leading up to the more significant health problems before I was diagnosed.
I don't know if I will return to my gonzo blogging days. Who I am now is constantly changing. I'm going through a patch of unfeeling lately. I think it is a reaction to the extreme vulnerability that I endured this past year.
Three girls that I had dated B.C. (before cancer) found guys and got married while I was "wrote off" as a victim of poor health. It's ok. I'm thinking of ways that I could make "You can get anything off of the Wendy's dollar menu" sound good to a date. I am one broke man. I don't know just how long the fall out of medical bills will be around for me. So, I have figured out the solution to my problems: work out like a son of a bitch and woo an older rich widow--sugar mama!
Seriously though, I complain to all of my girlfriends what a lousy and cheap man I am when I take myself out for a "me" date. Shit, I mean there is no way that I am going to put out if that is the treatment that I get from myself. This is all horribly disturbing. I better go to bed now.
4 years ago