Sunday, March 09, 2008

Weekends are too short (plus a video clip)

I thought I'd take you on a walk with me and show you where I live, sort of. I mean, I really did live right there in that spot on this day. Also, I live about three miles away near the mountain bench (you'll get a quick pass). What you can't see is the Great Salt Lake, which is directly behind me at the start. The reason? Low resolution video and haze caused from the winter inversion. You just might be able to see Antelope Island. Where I was taking a walk is in the protected wetlands area. The dikes are great for seeing all sorts of water fowl, and the area is also a hot spot for spying bald eagles. I am much happier now not using my shotgun to be one with nature and now admiring it in peace.

My hair is coming back and it is blond. I had reddish brown hair before. Also, my hair is soft and fine, like a baby's. So, if I ever need comforting, I just pretend that my head is a cuddly bunny and pet away.

My medical problems have been getting less and less. I've been on steroids to take care of an extremely bad rash (it has scarred me on parts of my body) that I got right after my last radiation treatment. The doctors claimed that the radiation was not directly responsible for the rash. Rather, it could've been the massive amounts of stress that all the treatments caused that led to the breakout. It's all about semantics, folks.

The other medical problem, post cancer treatments, was that I had blood seeping from my toenails. That freaked my doctor out. We're not really sure why it is happening, but when in doubt you get a prescription cream for it. One of the chemicals that I had administered to me during chemo made my skin real sensitive. I'm hypothesizing that since I have been walking my toe nails are seating into this "baby" like skin. I think that as long as I don't get an infection, soon I will toughen up and there won't be anymore problems. HAHAHAHAHA! At least my name isn't Job. As long as we are talking biblical shit, do bleeding toenails qualify as stigmata?

I think I am going through a massive detox from all the chemicals that have been pumped into me. My sweat would probably kill a laboratory mouse, or at least be crystallized and smoked for a good high. Whatever the case, I can feel actual distance now between me and the whole cancer saga. It isn't a great amount of distance, but I can breathe a bit better. My dreams haven't come around yet, but I'm hoping that what goes on in my subconscious will follow suit with the whole getting on with my life bit. I've had some scary freakin' dreams, my friends. It sucks. It is a good thing that I don't have to share my bed with anybody, because they would start thinking I was some kind of basket case. I woke up in a pile of clothes one night muttering something about the car not starting. That was a bit weird. HA-HA, there he goes again, that crazy Grunt!

The weekends are starting to feel non-existent to me. It is like this when someone asks me what I did over the weekend, "Uh, I remember having lunch and then I ended up back at work somehow." There has got to be more to life than this. However, for a great deal of humankind, life does not get any better, or even as good as this. I imagine that for many people who have walked this earth, they never had expectations past survival. In essence, they had no capacity to dream like we do--in our fortunate circumstance. The fact that I can dream and have those dreams go unfulfilled is not a sign of my misfortune, but my blessed place in life. The fact that some of those dreams will come to fruition is absolutely marvelous. Why was I so blessed to be where I am in this world at this time in life?

I still have to go to work on a Monday, though. Bleh! So much for being deep.


Julie Schuler said...

I have heard that only predators (meat-eaters) dream. Herd animals do not sleep deeply enough to reach the sort of sleep where dreams occur. They have to be ready to run all the time. Eating meat and sleeping very deeply makes for that special kind of gray matter that can produce dreams.

Do vegetarians want to steal my dreams?

Diane Mandy said...

I'm glad the medical issues are becoming less and less, but it still sounds like your dealing with an awful lot. You are in my thoughts as always!

Outdoorsy Girl said...

I DO know where you are in the video!

I am glad that your medical problems are becoming less and less. Even Job got a happy ending! :)

The Grunt said...

Julie~ You can also attribute the development of culture to meat eating as well--sitting around the fire while the meat cooks. I had a ham sandwich today, so maybe I will dream well tonight.

Diane~ Thanks, that means a lot. I keep meaning to post on the issues that I am now facing. The aftermath can be extremely hard to deal with, even though you made it through the treatment.

O-Girl~ Yeah, I knew you'd figure out where I was.

Scott said...

You know as soon as you said that your toe nails were bleeding I was thinking Stigmata, great minds and what not.

Hope that you feel better. You live in a great part of the world.

Claire said...

Cool stuff, and don'tcha just hate that Monday morning feeling?


Clearlykels said...

Rashes are the worst. I have more sensitive skin than I'd like to admit and spent some quality time with my dermatologist trying to figure out what was going on. Eventually, everything just cleared up and went away.

Christielli said...

Ironic that you go back to work the week that I'm off.

Hope that you have a good week back.

Chandra said...


And I thought dropped a frozen piece of meat on my toenail and breaking it makes me cringe. Yes, it's in writing I am a wussy. Me and feet. Paint your toenails purple... that will really get the docs confused haha.

"K" Fingerett said...

::pets your soft fuzzy hair::

Hello my dear Mr. Grunt Man ^_^

Thanks for sharing your video clip-- your home is wonderful :)

Again, I'm glad you are getting better... and I'm sorry your car wasn't working in your dream

::pets your hair some more::

Keep your fuzzy head up, Mr. Grunt Man--- just continue to take each day 'one step at a time'



The Grunt said...

Scott~ Yeah, what we don't have here in night life we make up for in wilderness, especially Southern Utah.

Kels~ Yeah, I belong to the sensitive skin club. This rash was awful. I'm so glad that it is gone.

Christielli~ Well, I've been working. It's just that this week sucked coming off of a non-existent weekend. Have fun at SxSW!

Chandra~ Purple toenails, eh?

"K"~ You can keep on petting my hair until it puts me to sleep. It really is relaxing.

Jules said...

Beautiful video Grunty - and the mountains and scenery were pretty nice too! ;O) Happy to hear that you're healing, mentally and physically, babes... that's sooo great!!! Sorry for my absense as of late, I'll try to be a better friend - just been dealing with some very heavy stuff here at home.

Tys on Ice said...

dont hit me but u looked a lil like Moby :)

Chandra said...

Purple toenails are all the rage! haha. I guess it's an inside "good luck get rid of cancer" joke! Every time I hear/read about the pain it just my hopes for my cancer ribbon tattoo/backpiece that much sweeter.
Take care!

The Grunt said...

Jules~ Don't worry about me. I know that you are going through a lot at the moment.

Tys~ Moby is cool, but I'd like to think that I am Moby on meat.

Chandra~ You take care as well.