Brought to you by the effects of Stockholm Syndrome from holding myself hostage for so many years.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Weekends are too short (plus a video clip)
I thought I'd take you on a walk with me and show you where I live, sort of. I mean, I really did live right there in that spot on this day. Also, I live about three miles away near the mountain bench (you'll get a quick pass). What you can't see is the Great Salt Lake, which is directly behind me at the start. The reason? Low resolution video and haze caused from the winter inversion. You just might be able to see Antelope Island. Where I was taking a walk is in the protected wetlands area. The dikes are great for seeing all sorts of water fowl, and the area is also a hot spot for spying bald eagles. I am much happier now not using my shotgun to be one with nature and now admiring it in peace.
My hair is coming back and it is blond. I had reddish brown hair before. Also, my hair is soft and fine, like a baby's. So, if I ever need comforting, I just pretend that my head is a cuddly bunny and pet away.
My medical problems have been getting less and less. I've been on steroids to take care of an extremely bad rash (it has scarred me on parts of my body) that I got right after my last radiation treatment. The doctors claimed that the radiation was not directly responsible for the rash. Rather, it could've been the massive amounts of stress that all the treatments caused that led to the breakout. It's all about semantics, folks.
The other medical problem, post cancer treatments, was that I had blood seeping from my toenails. That freaked my doctor out. We're not really sure why it is happening, but when in doubt you get a prescription cream for it. One of the chemicals that I had administered to me during chemo made my skin real sensitive. I'm hypothesizing that since I have been walking my toe nails are seating into this "baby" like skin. I think that as long as I don't get an infection, soon I will toughen up and there won't be anymore problems. HAHAHAHAHA! At least my name isn't Job. As long as we are talking biblical shit, do bleeding toenails qualify as stigmata?
I think I am going through a massive detox from all the chemicals that have been pumped into me. My sweat would probably kill a laboratory mouse, or at least be crystallized and smoked for a good high. Whatever the case, I can feel actual distance now between me and the whole cancer saga. It isn't a great amount of distance, but I can breathe a bit better. My dreams haven't come around yet, but I'm hoping that what goes on in my subconscious will follow suit with the whole getting on with my life bit. I've had some scary freakin' dreams, my friends. It sucks. It is a good thing that I don't have to share my bed with anybody, because they would start thinking I was some kind of basket case. I woke up in a pile of clothes one night muttering something about the car not starting. That was a bit weird. HA-HA, there he goes again, that crazy Grunt!
The weekends are starting to feel non-existent to me. It is like this when someone asks me what I did over the weekend, "Uh, I remember having lunch and then I ended up back at work somehow." There has got to be more to life than this. However, for a great deal of humankind, life does not get any better, or even as good as this. I imagine that for many people who have walked this earth, they never had expectations past survival. In essence, they had no capacity to dream like we do--in our fortunate circumstance. The fact that I can dream and have those dreams go unfulfilled is not a sign of my misfortune, but my blessed place in life. The fact that some of those dreams will come to fruition is absolutely marvelous. Why was I so blessed to be where I am in this world at this time in life?
I still have to go to work on a Monday, though. Bleh! So much for being deep.