Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Hola Friendos

I'm not sure what to post about tonight, but I want to post. Let's see where this goes.

I was pulled over last night. The officer told me that it was because my license plate light was out. The weird part about it was that he had me pulled over for about fifteen minutes. It was funny because I was twenty yards away from where I live. I didn't get a ticket. I later found out the reason why the local police in this small town were being so aggressive and thorough. Some weird guy had broke into a home and was standing at the foot of this little girl's bed. This was the second time that it had happened to this little girl, apparently. The first time the man came and went. The girl went and told her parents and they thought she was just dreaming. This second time the man invaded the home he left his shoes in her room, and now the parents finally believe their daughter. I am glad that the police were pulling people over and doing other sneaky stuff. It just leaves me wondering if they'll ever catch this freak now that the cat is out of the bag.

A man died recently of a cardiac arrest. He was only 63. I grew up with his son and one of his daughters. My oldest sister works for the same insurance company that he worked for. He was playing a game of pickup basketball at a local church gym and croaked after hitting the winning shot. This man really was part of this community, so the loss was felt all over. He was the type of person that would wake up at four in the morning, study the bible for an hour, go and exercise, have breakfast with his family, then go to work. When he would come home from work he'd do all kinds of volunteer work in the community, including tutoring kids in history, of which he used to teach before he got into selling insurance.

The medics did resuscitate him at the gym, but he did not regain any brain activity. They took him off life support and he passed away on Sunday. On Monday his son was really grieving. He never felt like he measured up to his father. Being bi-polar, he was really having a hard time of it. So, on that day he got on his horse and just took off into the mountains. His family went looking for him and from what I heard he was badly injured from getting thrown off his horse. So, not only did the family lose their dad, but the son is now in the hospital from his riding accident. As much as all of this is tragic, the family is taking it all in stride and carrying on.

Ever since I've had cancer it seems like I'm much more sensitive to other people's suffering and trials. What has happened to this family has really effected me and has been on my mind a lot these past few days. It also makes me think about how I'd handle losing a parent, especially my father.

My life growing up was very frustrating because of my father's physical and mental health problems. I spent a great deal of my secondary school years being reclusive from most social activity, other than hanging with a few close friends. Most people liked me, but I was the one who withdrew. I just hated having to explain why my father didn't have a job, why we didn't have much money, or why my "weird" dad wasn't like their fathers. The fact was that I really didn't understand what was going on with him, so I took it personally.

Since, I've had to overcome a lot of guilt and shame that I had carried with me for no good reason. I don't know that I'm totally over it all, but I love my father. It must've been so hard for him to have gone through all of that. He was such a success, then reduced to almost nothing. He has come along way since and it makes me very happy. However, I still want him to see me become a success, whatever that means. I also want him to be around to see my children. I want to show him that his suffering wasn't in vain. So, to lose him now would be extremely emotional for me. He turns 78 this April. I'd better get cracking.

Well, that's all I've got. Later.


Julie Schuler said...

Sorry for your loss. And for the loss of your community.

I hope you reach whatever point you are dreaming of in the relationship between you and your father.

I had about as much use for my father as he had for me, and I haven't seen him in 10 + years, but now I hear he's had a stroke. I have to decide if I'm going to contact him because he doesn't know he has two grandsons. Decisions, decisions.

That's a terribly scary story, about the little girl. I hope they catch that weirdo.

Clearlykels said...

I love your perspective about being pulled over. That's so important to be able to see the greater good.

I'm sorry for the loss of such a great man.

The thing about losing a parent is that it is really, really hard. There are many things that make me sad about losing my mom and it's been ten years. She never got to see any of us graduate, or give the birds and the bees story to my siblings. But the thing is, I always feel that she is with me. My successes are her sucesses. She's part of me, so even if I don't have her in the physical since that doesn't mean that she isn't part of everything I do. You adjust.

Diane Mandy said...

I found this post really moving. One of the most therapeutic things we can do after personal tragedy or crisis, it use that experience to become more empathetic to those around us. Sounds like you did just that.

Scott said...

I think that this is one of the best things you have ever written. I am glad that you are proud of your Father despite the tough times that you have all been through. I truly belive that those who can empathize and give respect are the greatest members of our community.

Scott said...

I think that this is one of the best things you have ever written. I am glad that you are proud of your Father despite the tough times that you have all been through. I truly belive that those who can empathize and give respect are the greatest members of our community.

NYD said...

I think that this is one of the best things...Um, no. Hold on, OK, I think I've got it. The ordeal that you have survived has tuned you into a different frequency. It's the same life, you just get to look at it, listen to it and experience it with a whole new perspective.

Chandra said...

Do you think with this new enlightment of compassion you will switch careers?

I too wondered about my dad, why everyone thought he was so "cool" when I just saw him as annoying and something I could never convince to be proud of me.... years later and the battle continues. Mine just turned 13 though.

I love how you can write so eloquently even putting your heart on the table. Thus most of the time you even put it to music. I need new songs or I will have to resort back to Cher's greatest hits!

The Grunt said...

Julie~ I hope that if you do decide to contact your dad that it is a positive experience.

Kels~ It must've been terrible to have lost your mother at such a young age. I know from reading your blog that you had to take up a lot of her responsibilities. I admire what you did in the shadow of loss.

Diane~ I just hope that I stay this way and not become cynical again.

Scott~ Thanks. I just know that when somebody showed real empathy to me when I was going through the worst of it during this period it really made a difference. I just want to be able to do the same for others.

NYD~ That's a good way of putting it. I just hope that the next frequency shift does not involve me or a loved one getting a horrible disease or dying. I think that winning the lottery would be a good learning experience for me. What do you think?

The Grunt said...

Chandra~ You slipped in here while I was composing my replies. You don't get off the hook that easy! As for the songs, if you really want more I can send some your way. I have been trying to write new stuff, but it seems that rather than inspiring me, this experience has burned me out. It might take awhile for me to get back into it. Plus, my voice has been damaged a bit from the radiation. It should heal.

Autumn Storm said...

Some things change us in this manner, make us more aware of other people's joys and sadnesses, though it can be hard to take them on-board, it also leaves us open to sharing, to deeper relationships. I am sorry for this man's family, for you and for all who feel this loss of what sounds like a truly tremendous individual who impacted upon his surroundings while he was here in small and large ways.

What is the measure of success. In layman's terms, the beauty of a heart and so I can only imagine that your father has watched you with great joy and pride. Especially recently.

And when you do have children, Grunt, you will know that your guilt, past and remaining, was unnecessary for your father would understand, of this I am sure too. Kids.

Wanted to put all of the above better, but it's not happening today. Hope you have a great day/week.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

I am retarded. At first glance, I thought your post was titled "Hula Friends". I read the whole darn thing wondering what the heck this had to do with Hawaii!

Keshi said...

u r one in a zillion Grunty. HUGS!


Jules said...

It's okay to be sensitive to the trials of the people around you as long as you don't let it completely consume you so that it takes over your own life. But being there for people, listening, helping them get through the rough patches... that's what being a good friend is all about. And if something that you see or hear makes you a better person for it, then all the power to those who can do that!!!

Loads of love for you, my friend!!

The Grunt said...

Autumn~ I think you put it very well. Thank you.

O-Girl~ I forgive you for being retarded. It must be all of those "B" horror movies that you watch:D

Keshi~ You are too kind.

Jules~ So, when do I get to cash in on all that loads of love I keep hearing about;)

Tys on Ice said...

its gonna be one of those days, whn i really shudnt leave a comment, becoz i hve nothing appropriate to say..

keep walking pal..walk tall

Crystal said...

sometimes i just want to hug you.

Chandra said...

Please send away... Getting real email is almost as bad as only getting bills with snail mail. You are like the male Jann Arden... I love it!

I already have a few friends hooked on your music! We have words as our cruising song... on those introspective trips where you just go no where... I'm a big nerd. Please do not hate Canada. lol.

The Grunt said...

Tys~ Hell, you should know that I am an inappropriate comment junkie:D

Crystal~ What a coincidence. I was thinking how great it would be if you hugged me. Feel free to throw something extra in the mix like a free puppy.

Chandra~ It would be easier for me to just burn you a cd if you are that big of a fan. Email me.

Jules said...

Whenever we meet, Grunty!!