Saturday, May 06, 2006

My MEME Cherry Is Broken

It was bound to happen. Here's the source: Crystal, who got it from Markis, who got it from Keda. This sounds more and more like syphilis spreading, not a meme. Here we go:

1. When was the last time you had sex? What? You want to do it right here? Let me clear off the table, then.
2. How do you flush the toilet in public? Foot or with the magic shielding power of toilet paper.
3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Yes, been in an accident without one. I wouldn't recommend it.
4. Do you have a crush on someone? Of course. I mean, why not? It's fun! Quit teasing me, twerp.
5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it? Time, patience, and Aqua Velva.
6. What famous person do you (or other people*) think you resemble? I'm a cross between Alex Lifeson of Rush, Michael J. Fox, and William H. Macy. However, I wish that I looked like Paul Newman.
7. What is your favorite pizza topping? mushrooms, sausage, pepperchinis, and onions. Wait, lots of cheese--can't forget that.
9. Do you crack your knuckles? Used to, but it really messes with them.
10. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head? "Even your thighs are cheddar" by Hair Supplies. Come on, you know which one. If I say it, it will come....AHHHHHHH! "Even the nights are better......Since I found yooooou, whoa, whoa, whoa!"
11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head? I think you already know that answer, you prick.
12. What are your super powers? I have a rather large and enchanted hand. Think of the possibilities.
13. What is the hardest thing you have faced? A brick wall. No, having lived and worked myself to the bone in a foreign land: being told to fuck off and be beaten up regularly for something that I often question the validity of now. That's fucked up. (No comments, please)
14. Where are your car keys? I always know. And I know where yours are, too. Plus, I'm breaking into your car and hot wiring it as we speak.
15. Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear? I would love to hear Rob's, 'cause he was an early Grunthead and is now MIA.
16. What's your most annoying habit? Same as Crystal: eating plastic, but I have to clear my throat on a regular basis, which can be rather loud.
17. Where did you go on your last vacation? Vacation? WTF is that? It would've been something in the deep woods or desert, clinging to life. That's fun!
18. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it who would it be? Michael Jackson doesn't have a nose, so I'd punch the dude who kept rubbing up against me and spilling his beer on me at the concert tonight. I came pretty damn close, though. But, I'm reformed. So, I wiped a booger on his back.
19. What is your best physical feature? My face and Shoulders.
20. What CD is closest to you right now? Patti Smith "Horses".
21. What three things can always be found in your refrigerator? A phone book with all the phone numbers for take away bookmarked. Welcome to flavor country!
22. What superstition do you believe/practice? Never step on or deface a person's head stone. Don't ask to commune with any spirits or ask for signs; that is asking for trouble. 13 is lucky for Russians.
25. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive? Nope, I'm too busy flipping people off and slammin' gears.
26. What would your name have been if you'd been born the opposite gender? If you don't know what your parents would've chosen, what name would you choose for your other-gendered self? Betty.
27. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower? Depends on what Crystal wants me to sing backup vocals on.
28. If you could go back or forward in time would you and where would you go? September sixth, 1991 @ 1:00pm, Sheffield train station.
29. What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie? Witness, because you get to see Kelly McGillis' Amish boobies. Bladerunner is second, 'cause of Darryl Hanna.
30. What CD is in your stereo? Roxy Music "Country Life", 'cause they are sexy beasts and always provide great album covers. The also rans: Bob Dylan "Blonde on Blonde", Buzzcocks "Singles Going Steady", Pavement "Crooked Rain", and a Guided By Voices/Flaming Lips assortment. Oh, and AC/DC and Iron Maiden, just to keep me correct. Those are technically stacked next to the stereo and ready to play.
31. What OCD qualities do you have? If I start with a downstroke I usually have to return it with an upstroke, which in turn makes me feel incomplete, so I downstroke again. It's a vicious cycle.
32. How many kids do you want to have? As many as her hips can take.
33. If you could kiss anyone famous who would it be? Easy, Julia Roberts.
34.Would you really want to kiss someone you didn't know, even if they are famous? Yeah, what have I got to lose?
35. What do you do when no one is watching? Build/work on guitar amplifiers (of the thermonic valve variety), play through them, then work on my story telling.
36. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be the best for this job? For young me: Charlie. For me right now: Ethan Hawke. For mature me: William H. Macy. For gummer grunt: Robert Redford.
37. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep? Blaze of glory. Come back to life in the hospital, then die peacefully in my sleep 50 years later.
38. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most? Reggie bars, cinnamon oil toothpicks, and candy cigarettes.
39. What is your favorite kid's movie? The Other (scary), and Buggsy Malone.
40. Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert? Rolling Stones (2X), Pink Floyd (best concert ever), Rush (4X), Allman Brothers (2X), Neil Young, Sonic Youth (2X), Iron Maiden, Wilco, and Pearl Jam.
41. Have you ever been in love?
Nope, definitely not yet. 'Cause I'd be married right now if that had happened. That's a two-way deal. Now pining is another matter altogether.
42. Do you talk to yourself? Yes, and in different voices and genders.
43. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the face of the earth? Mark Hacking.
44. Would you steel from the rich? Yes, been there, done that.


Vera said...

cinnamon oil toothpicks... Mmmmm!
I remember they had peppermint too.

logo™ said...

wow, he lost his cherry and I watched, does that say something about me?
Maybe I will steal this.

Anonymous said...

Logo, we all bore (is that a word) witness to the cherry popping..

I shall steal this as well...

The Grunt said...

I'm over here crying in the corner--cherry popped. My emotions are spilling over and you guys aren't holding me, trying to put this intense life-changing event into context. I want my mommy!

Vera said...

what's that im feeling?...
it must be...
no, it can't be!!
that's so wrong...

logo™ said...

Oh Grunt, don't be a whiny bitch, no one wants to cuddle with a sniveler.
And wanting your mum cuz your cherry just got popped seems sooo...disturbing.

Anonymous said...

Figuratively ROTFLMAO

How was it Grunt?
I've had my share of my cherry pops recently - the pedi and the massage. I give mine a 5.8 on technical merit but a disappointing 4.7 on artistic impression.

markis said...

hahahaha! dude, good answers dude.

pardon me for asking, but what happened on 9/6/91 at sheffield train station?

West of the Sun said...

I ditto Markis's question.

Also, what exactly does meme mean??

maybe I'll do this. . .maybe.

West of the Sun said...

Also, what happened to Question 8 dude?

The Grunt said...'s complex w/o full disclosure. Some secrets are best reserved for tell alls. Let's just say I was in a situation where I had the desire/potential to "run away" with someone who popped up on the platform to see me off. But, I stuck with the plan and left the situation with my integrity intact. I don't know if regret is a strong enough word, but the thing is, when I commit to something or someone, it's in blood. That's the real reason I'm not married, yet. That's some serious shit.

She looked like PJ Harvey, BTW.

logo™ said...

Aw, Mssr Grunt, you are a romantic, how very sweet.
But the question was unclear, do you just get to see it happen again?
Do you get to redo?
I have watched enough Back To the Future to know you shouldn't mess with the time/space continuum, man.

The Grunt said...

I think that I'd just like to see what the rest of her day was like and what she thought about it. I said I had regret, but I'd rather just see the version of what could have been, or just been able to experience the moment again. What one word sums up these words: surprise, passion, happy/sad, longing, lingering, the unknown, impulse, doing the right thing in the long run? I think it would be summed up in the word "moment".

There's a lot in an individual that needs to be kept sacred, behind their poker face of words. It's called a persona. I've always wanted/needed one. So, don't feel like I'm holding out to be cruel. I'm just figuring out how to master the craft. I'd rather answer the more personal questions like this, one on one.

mona said...

awsome list!

Scott said...

Solid list my friend. I can see the mild Alex Lifeson look in your face.

I too have seen Rush in concert a few times.


Crystal said...

ok, i read this entire thing and laughed a good laugh as i always do when i visit Grunt Ahoy! however, i am deeply disturbed by your kissing fantasy with julia roberts. i am just coming at you with honest now, grunt, ok? i just think sometimes that fantasies are better left fantasies so when she tries to kiss you, you can reject her (which is waaay cooler, because i'll bet she doesn't get that very often), but the reason you need to reject her is because of her ginormous mammoth lips. full lips are sure pretty to look at, and they certainly feel nice on every bodypart except for the mouth. i am confident that she will suck your chin in while her lips are flailing about the rest of your face and that is just scary, grunt. that is just. scary.

p.s. i am only letting you know because i care.

The Grunt said...


Scott~You're officially bumped up a notch on my list of cool people. Some people think that Rush is wack. But anybody who's that concerned with being hip that they can't appreciate some of the best musician's in rock, well that's their loss.

Crystal~That's just a trophy kiss. You get to say, "Hey, guess who I've kissed". Since she's one of the most powerful players in Hollywood right now, I figure that that's a whole lot better than sucking on some studio head's head to get a greenlight. Although, she could get all Burmese Python on me with that gigantic mouth. I'm glad that you care.

Melliferous Pants said...

I used to buy candy cigarettes from the ice cream man and chew the whole pack of gum at the park.

vera said...

ok, i wasn't going to say anything... but...

Crystal = Momma?
Keda = Wooderson?
Markis = Captain Caveman?

ok, PHEW...
that's been on my chest since you've posted this entry :P

markis said...

hey, i resemble that remark

English Professor said...

Oh, you'd look like Paul Newman--I love that. My husband knows that even though Paul's pretty old now, I'd go out for cigarettes with him in a New York minute.

The Grunt said...

Ha, this thing keeps on going. Hey, EP! What's up?

Nice comparisons there, Vera.

Markis as Cavey. Makes sense to me.

Crystal said...

Crystal = Momma?
Crystal = Confused

vera said...

Crystal: The colours that Grunt uses for the voices in your head. They are parallel yours, Markis' and Keda's mentioned in this blog entry...
Sorry, I notice weird things...

The Grunt said...

Well, I never intended any coorelations there, but I will let it stand.