Tuesday, January 23, 2007

"What I did today", by Sir Grunty

I woke up and heard a funny noise. Turned out to be my hip. It didn't make the noise again so I am ignoring it for now.

Had my cereal (Honey Something F'ing Oats) and checked my email (now I know who really loves me).

Got Clyde warmed up and towed my brother's Ford Explorer to the Ford dealership. I paraded around the lot: An almost thirty-year-old Chevy 4x4 strutting around looking for a fight, dragging its kill, a Ford, to taunt all the high falutin' F-350s on the lot. I discovered that I can still peel out towing another big vehicle. I also found out that the dudes at the Ford dealership didn't appreciate this discovery of mine. My evil redneck side came out of me today. What the hell, you know? That part of me rarely gets to come out, and I got the rest of my life to be all sophisticated and shit.

I went out to a burger joint while I was helping my brother. I hadn't been there in a while. It has totally gone downhill since I was there last. I was sitting there eating what is supposed to be my favorite indulgence (pastrami cheeseburger) and I was just filled with utter disappointment. It was funny; I kept eating the damn thing while feeling totally disgusted. I was that hungry, I guess. I got hit by a tube of lip gloss, too. Damn high school girls; you just want to punch someone out for pissing you off, then it pisses you off even more because you can't. Why in the hell did they throw that at me anyway? They didn't say anything, so I just kicked it down the aisle. It was probably just incidental anyway.

I got to work today and lasted for an hour and fifteen minutes. That is when I started feeling like death at a fabric store. Everyone kept coming up to me and asking what was wrong. The hell should I know? It just hit me so fast. So, I just told my boss lady, Madame Chang, that I was heading out, taking my red flag, my little red book, and my yellow shovel home with me. No more Chinese army routine for me today. I went home and slept for four hours.

I woke up and remembered that it was somebody's birthday today (uh, it is today, but this happened yesterday, which is still today, but it is after midnight, so it is today--I give up) and gave her a call. It was funny; she thought I was her cell phone company calling her up. I need to clarify that this is the first time that I've called this person, so my phone voice threw her off like a Sean Connery meets Beau Bridges tone, topped with a Beehive Curtain accent. It was all good once she figured out who I was. Happy Birthday, Vera!!!

I went on the 'puter a bit and mucked around then went back to sleep.

I fiddled around with my guitars and amps. I changed out my red white and blues (1966 RCA 6BQ5's power tubes) for some reds (1993 Sovtek EL84's). All I can say is that I am proud to be an American. The red white and blues went right back in and I played for another hour. My ears were given golden showers of joy, peace, and love.

Watched T.V. and had a similar experience to that of eating the disgusting burger.

I.M. chatting with various friends.

Although sick, I had to cut one chat short to pick my brother up. Got back home and am now writing this.

G'night Moon.

16 comments:

goldennib said...

I hope you feel better soon. I'm just getting over mine. It's yucky.

Scary Monster said...

That burger must've been one nasty piece of work iffin it caused you to leave the commies and return to the red white and blue.

vera said...

Grunt-oh...
Your phone call rated a six stars out of five! It would have been a five out of five simply b/c you have that phonesex-operator voice (Raaawwrrr!!) but the shock factor bumped you up another star! ;)
However if you were my mobile company I certainly would have bought the company with your powers of persuasion... *cough*
Thank you for the birthday wishes!!
I'll play an Meddle just for you today...
<3 Vera

Barbarian02003 said...

I'm just starting my journey into Illness Hell, so wave to me from the shores of Gettin Over It.

Spacecake said...

I read "I had a joint" ahahaha. I also heard voices in my head. In case you're wondering, I've not been smoking anything to cause this. Or eaten anything out of ordinary... as far as I know.

Karyn said...

"What the hell, you know? That part of me rarely gets to come out, and I got the rest of my life to be all sophisticated and shit." This made me laugh out loud Grunt, and love ya just a little bit more. Amen to that, brotha.

Hope you feel better in short order.

(Vera. He's got a phone sex operator voice? Wowza.)

vera said...

Karyn,
Aye! And not of the "female phonesex-operator" variety either!
/Vera

Jules said...

My birthday is June 22. I'd like my call at 9:30pm my time please.

I love Goodnight Moon. LOVE IT.

The chapstick - that's easy. According to your last comment on my blog, you go all old school and let your lips crack instead of using lip balm. They just saw how much in desperate need of it you were and didn't know how else to approach the subject.

Vera - nice first sign off! :OP

Outdoorsy Girl said...

I think maybe the high school chicks were flirting with you. You know, some women stick out their tongues and some throw lip gloss. You never know what to expect with crazy women.

Glad I'm a woman.

blog Portland said...

I think those high school girls were flirting with you. No doubt your booming voice sent them into early puberty.

Keshi said...

Grunty my bday - 25th of June...Im expecting ya to call or else I'll make sure u regret it..and Im a woman LOL!

feel better soon mate and have a good one ;-)
Keshi.

Bugs said...

Gawd you could start a birthday calling business Grunty !
BTW mine's Nov 1st ;)
The burger mightn't have been the prob,taste buds go haywire before the illness steps up it's Invasion of The Body Snatchers routine.
Be well soon!

Photogirl said...

you have an evil redneck side to you? you MUST have grown up in my hometown then!

The Grunt said...

Nessa~ Yeah, there are many nasty viruses floating around, none of which my flu vaccine seem to be taking care of.

SM~ Yes, it just tasted awful. I enjoy liberty!

Vera~ Sweet! That is one of my favorite Floyd albums. You weren't prepared for the sexy, were you?

Barbarian~ I will do a hoodu dance for you.

Spacecake~ You are my kind of weird, young lady. Keep it up!

Karyn~ Glad that I could make you laugh. Yes, I have a rich baritone and I am quite the orator.

Vera~ Yes, thanks for clarifying that.

Jules~ Okay, but I am now charging $3.99 per minute US. It is totally worth the coin.

O-Girl~ Well, I don't get it, but apparently I am a target of interesting behavior. That is the polite way of saying freak magnet.

JJ~ Yes, this hypotheses of yours works for me.

Keshi~ Just email me and send me your number. I will gladly give you a gentlemanly birthday chat.

Bugs~ Thanks for the well wishing. So, I have requests from Jules, Keshi, and now you. I am getting out my humidifier and my mentholatum. I have to keep these golden pipes in shape now.

Celeste~ Yes, I did grow up where you did. My name was "Bubba". I've changed it since. I was the strapping lad that threw dead skunks at cars.

Karyn said...

Dude. You said ORATOR. Now THERE'S a superhero I could get on board with.

Jules said...

How come you are gonna charge us, and not Vera... V - you lucked out, didn't ya?! :O) Grunty - don't you know that you have to treat us all alike? LOL